Some Interesting Info:

"My son sees the world differently than us. Thus he acts differently. Differences in people can be inspirational and joyful. Despite his challenges that cause him daily frustration, he smiles and teaches us something everyday. He figures out a way to live in our world and shows us to much love. I love that difference." -Donna Rosuck.

I've been doing a lot of research for our Walk Now letter and I'm finding that there is a whole sub-culture of autistic people who don't want to be cured. They see themselves as just people who are different. They consider themselves just one of the minorities in the world. Kind of like "leftys" I guess. I found some of their blogs very interesting and I can kind of see their point. S's autism is part of her. And she is the happiest kid I know. But I'd still like to be able to hear her thoughts. Maybe Walk Now is a selfish thing on our part. I don't know.

Can You Remember????

I was doing some research for quotes and definitions for Autism for a Walk Now brochure we're sending and it occurred to me that I can't remember a time when I didn't *know* autism. I was trying to remember any ideas or feelings I had about autism before I was so abruptly introduced to it. I can't think of a one. I know I had heard of it before - I just can't come up with anything.

It has just saturated my total exsistance.

Sing It!!!

I wonder if I'm the only one who can listen to a certain song and INSTANTLY be transported back to what ever was going on at that time. I can even break out crying if that's what I was doing. Memories come flooding back complete with smells. The rest of the world prob does too right? It's just so freaky. I wonder if they ever thought about using that with hypnosis when people can't remember stuff. I don't know.

Ok, really ROUGH day! I want to go back to Bloomington!!! Dang, why doesn't it work the way it made SO much sense when I was taking notes??!!!! Speaking of Bloomington - this was trip #3 and I still have to say I really think I would have done really well on a 4 year campus. I love walking around and finding your way to classes.

I did manage to get a handle on the laundry today and so tomorrow we start with actual cleaning. I want to go back!!!!!!

Mommy class - TOOOOO Short!

OMG - did we have a good time or what??!!! It's WAY tooooo short thought. We had to have laughed for a solid 3 hours! L,M,myself and a new girl - Carrie went on Thurs afternoon. We checked in - sat around and gabbed - went to see Daddy's Little Girls (GREAT flick) then to The Outback - flirted with Maurice and then to Panera's for hot choc - back up to the room - talk, talk, talk till 11 - up at 5:30 and to the conference. AWESOME conference. I just LOVE this meet up. It so fills me up and renews my "mommy spirit".

I did miss the chillen'. B did a GREAT job keeping it all together - and the best part - when I got home he told me he can't believe I do the stuff I do - that it's SUCH a pain and that he doesn't want to do it again. I think that might be the sweetest thing he's said to me in a LONG time.

S had her play on Friday - she did very well - played her drum and sat SO well through the whole thing. B taped the whole thing for me. It was really cute.

L was in full craziness over our get out. She is SO funny. I so love spending time with her and M.

I got presents for everyone - they were all pleased. The house is a wreck again - need to really clean OUT and throw stuff away.

Got a Sickie??

Himself was up all night with a fever. Not severe - about 101. But he was really having some WILD dreams. He slept with us for a while and then I went to his room with him. He was SO hot to the touch. At one point he woke up crying "I want to sit by someone". Poor guy. He said he felt better this morning. I sent him to K's only because I had morning appts and Daddy was to pick him up at 10:30 and then make the big decision whether he should go to school or not.

S kept saying "I not sick, I go to school, I don't get sick". There was no way SHE was staying home. Just so everyone knew. That girl......

J and I were accompianed by Rexy last night. He had to make sure he knew all that was going on. Got up on J's picnic table and slept there till I went back to bed and then followed me into my room. What is it with our animals - they're getting to be as weird as my sister's.

Debate

S is practicing her answer to why do you think you should be VP of the class? "Because I am super nice." :-) Is that not cute or what??!!!

Our bud Kyle isn't doing too well. We're praying he doesn't have to go into surgery again.

We did a devotion tonight about freinds and when I described my best friend J says "too easy - it's aunt L". His friend is Jonathon and Juan. S's is J. Isn't that sweet.?

You should see the boy swim. After the lessons he goes over to the other pool and swims - I watched him tonight and he can back float all by himself for almost the length of the pool. He won't do it in front of the teacher,though - and I'm not real sure why. I'm wondering if it's because he knows he'll "move up" and he doesn't want to do that. I don't know, you can never tell about that boy.

Es'panol?

We had J's 2 friends (J&J) from down the street over last night. Juan is the oldest at 10 - and we were talking to him about him learning English in school and suggested that he could teach J how to speak Spanish. "You mean he doesn't know how?" He was amazed. TOO cute! I guess everything IS relative! :-)

S suggested to us on Saturday night that when she called Daddy "Mommy" that she was only "teasing"!!!!! She's not supposed to get that concept!!!

J and I and L&J went to see Peter Pan, the ballet on Saturday. It was a lot of fun. But no, the boys are NOT going to be ballet dancers - so don't ask. That is pretty much the attitude we got when we asked. They really did enjoy it though. They were totally silent through it and sat with mouths hanging open.

Aunt J won the lip sync contest again this year. My father is now trash talking the competition. Telling them that "his daughter is going to kick their a..) Namely Odd Todd. ;-) I can just see that.

We went to the VVEEF fundraiser this weekend. What a good time!!! Margie and I had a really nice talk. Lots of "politicians" (I use that word loosely). I can't get over how people think they're "all that" because they are "running" for office - or because they hold office. I just shake my head. You know, how they say that the thing you fear the most will end up looking VERY good to your children? Well, my kids will be 1. Hollywood celebrities or 2. Politicians. Are they all not the scum of the earth? I know, that's very prejudice on my part - but I can't help myself. Those two categories of people just turn my stomach. You can't believe what either group says. They both have the same priorities (fame and money - for themselves) and they are the MOST out of touch people on the earth. I just so have to laugh.

I was informed by one of these people running for office that he has known MY nephew forever. Hmmm, I said - isn't that interesting - *I* have too!!! Ugghhh. Why is it that people get such a kick out of telling another person how much they know their family better than the person does. It's just funny. I've witnessed this happen in other people's families too.

It's CRAZY at work today. It's like everyone who got up on the wrong side of the bed have called and created a problem. And mostly silly problems where they are mistaken. Example: One lady said her tax return went from 95 to 160. When I actually looked it up it only went from 155 to 160!!! Convenient memory. :-) But she was sure nasty with me.

It certainly takes all kinds.

Saddle Up

Pardon me, while I put a saddle on my horse (my high horse).

Uggghhh - I just heard a radio ad about how Ditka has auctioned off his ring (or one of - not quite sure) for retired football players!!!! Seems there's some that aren't quite making it. Ok, not to sound like a heartless soul but PAAALEEEASEEEE! Give me a FREAKING break!!! There are SO many more people in REAL need. Solders, homeless, - I just don't recall seeing any old linebackers in the soup line at the shelter! Did the lil' pudems squander all his money on frivolous things and not use it wisely? I'm sorry - I LOVE football but I feel just NO sympathy for someone who didn't put money aside from all the money and glory that was GIVEN to you. God, gives you the ability to play football and if that is what you decide to do then you better damn well use it correctly. I know everything is relative - but I don't believe that their "need" is like other's. And if it is - too bad - they did it to themselves. With many gifts comes MUCH responsibility!!! Dang - that just ticks me off. And no, maybe they didn't get paid as much as players now a days but they did get paid and they "heard the song" - now it's time to pay the piper! After all the press about disabled vets and how they live - I'm just shocked to hear this. Not to mention Katrina victims, the tornadoes lately - there's so much need out there. I just shake my head.

Siblings

What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know:
If thy are provided with support and information, they can help their sibs live dignified lives from childhood to their senior years.
Sibs share many of the concerns that parents of children with spec. needs experience, including isolation, a need for information, guilt, concerns about the future, and care giving demands. They also face issues that are uniquely theirs - resentment, peer issues, embarrassment and pressure to achieve.
1. I have a right to my own life.
2. Acknowledge my concerns.
3. Don't set unrealistic high expectations for me and help me not to feel I have to compensate for my sib.
4. Expect typical behavior - teasing name-calling, arguing and other forms of conflict are common among brothers and sisters - even when one has spec. needs.
5. Expect my sib to live as independently as possible.
6. I have the right to a safe environment.
7. Give me opportunities to meet other kids who have sibs with spec needs.
8. Give me as much info about my sibling's spec need as I want.
9. Bring me into the "loop" about my sibling's future.
10. Communicate with me and let me communicate with you.
11. Give me one on one time with you.
12. Celebrate my achievements and milestones.
13. Your perspective is more important than the actual disability.
14. Actively reach out to me.
15. Learn more about my life as a sibling.
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I've been reading alot about this lately. I've always said that J will NEVER be "typical" . I've heard so much advice from "family" about how to raise him and what to let him get away with and such. But truth is - he's as spec needs as she is. No one in our families have raised 1. a special needs child and 2. a special needs sibling. He IS special and "typical" discipline doesn't work on him anymore than it works on her. He's a mental battle and she's a physical one.
Right now I walk the tight rope of giving him info about her - letting him know that whatever his feelings are that they are OK - but also not creating a sib who treats her "different". Right now he just sees her as S - his sister. But the time is coming all too soon where he will realize she has some issues. I like the fact that he does push her to be like anyone else but I also want to give him a safe place to verbalize his feelings. Dang, this parenting stuff really blows sometimes.
Right now they both get about the same attention. But it will soon be more one sided. Even though I wonder just how J wouldn't rec. attention. He is just "on" all the time. :-)
He just cracks me up sometimes. I do hope I can maneuver this rope and end up with everyone being OK with 1. who they are 2. who each other is 3. who we (B& I) are.

The Housewives

Ok, did anyone see Desperate Housewives last night? The dialog between Lynette (the mom with the 3 boys and one girl) and her husband - he had hired a limo to pick her up as a surprise, drop her off somewhere kind of desolate and then he was going to pick her up in a horse and carriage. He thought he had cancelled the limo (she was exhausted and didn't want to go) but the limo came and dropped her off - he, of course, didn't pick her up because he thought it was all cancelled..... She waits and waits and waits out in the cold and all alone...... He gets word from the limo driver that no, it wasn't canceled and Lynnette was out there - he speeds to her - she, of course, is NOT happy - he says "but how excited the kids will be when they find out you saw a real, live coyote." I thought I would split a gut!!!! OMG - that's something B would SO say. God, that was funny.

We tried a weekend schedule this weekend. It went fairly well. Esp Saturday - we really kept on schedule and things were good with S. Sunday was a little fowled up - it's hard to schedule all the weekend. But she did very well. We're still working on the "nice talk". She's SO obnoxious.

I'm going to try and find some pictures so I can illustrate my social story I made for her about "nice words". I may just borrow the pictures from her other books.

J got a little prize out of the machine this weekend - it was a tiny little book. He called it a "diarrhea" (diary) :-) Oh, I lost it. It was SO funny. Then he says "maybe I'll sell it." "What? How will you sell it" "you know, on ebay." Oh, he is SO his father!

My Little Cracked Pot

An elderly woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole with she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of it's accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to lead out all the way back to your house."
The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the bath, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."
"For 2 years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
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Do you notice the woman never just fills the pot half way? Everyday she fills him to the top. This story spoke to me about S. That though she's not "perfect" - she has her own special light. She "waters" my life. All the lives that she touches. And I like to think about how I should never be ok with filling her half full. I should always fill her and let the water fall where it may.

Difference

You Make A Difference:
Your child's progress might not be that easy to see on a day-to-day basis, but when you reflect from time to time on how far he or she has come, give yourself some credit: Would that progress have happened if you hadn't been planning, praying, pushing for it?
Everything you do for your child-every appointment, every therapy, every intervention, but also every smile, every hug, every conversation - makes a difference.
But you're also making a difference in the world. Every time you give information about your child's disability to an educator, you make a difference for the next child. Every time you give advice in a support group or online forum, you make a difference for that parent and family. You are a force for good.
Terri Mauro
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I couldn't agree more. This fight isn't just for S - it's for all the underdogs of the world. People who have no voice. I've always championed that cause. From the time I was so very little and cried as the "good guy" got beat up in wrestling. (smile)

My oldest was just nominated for PRESIDENT of her class!!!!! Can you believe it??? Her peers really DO accept her. We had her monthly meeting this morning and I was told by Ms Carla that the kids not only accept her they also have no problem calling her out when she does something she shouldn't be doing. THAT is true acceptance - in my book. She's not pitied, she's not looked at as "special". She's just her. Just brings tears to my eyes all over again.

She's doing well. She's reading well, and today she told me that she's not only a "reader" (as Mrs P always praises) but she's a writer too. :-) My team is just SO fantastic. I just pray that the rest of the way is just as good.

As a conclusion of my Valentines: I've really enjoyed the little essays by Ms Mauro and I'm grateful to N for the nice gift. They've made me think - they've made me feel very fortunate and they've made me feel strong to carry on the fight.
Happy Valentine's Every Body!!!

Caring

You Care
It would be so much easier if you didn't. If you didn't care how your child was doing in school, you wouldn't have a battle over homework or spend hours reviewing and reteaching. If you didn't care how your child behaved, you wouldn't have to keep finding new and improved disciplinary strategies.
If you didn't care about your child's relationships, you wouldn't have to worry about social skills and awkward playdates. If you didn't care about your child's future, you wouldn't have to go on about self-care skills and self-control and self-regulation.
You may sometimes adjust your efforts as you realize that things you care too much about aren't really so significant, but you never stop caring about the most important things: your child's happiness and well-being.
Terri Mauro
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How could you NOT care? I also find myself taking on other cases. Caring about other people's kids. I find myself thinking "ok, it might not help S at this point - but it will help others down the road."
S IS trailblazing her way through the school system. As her OT said the other day "S is the poster child for inclusion". I'm proud of that. I hope that because of her and us that it will be easier for others to go through the spec ed system.
Just today I got a letter from Easter Seals and I thought about putting S in one of their camps - but then I thought - WHY? If we want her to function in society - what better way to learn about it than in childhood? She's in a typical class in everything else - she has been in "reg" summer camp and has done excellent - why mess that up - why put her "away". Not saying that those who do chose these camps or classes are putting their children "away". But for S this "inclusion" has really worked. She has friends ALL over. We are often told by someone that they know S from school, or camp, or swimming.
Can't wait for spring to spring already. Doesn't look like we'll be going south for Easter. Just can't get the time off. Plus I rec'd a summons for jury duty yesterday. :-/ I'm hoping that I can get it to where I do it after tax season. We'll see how flexible they are. Pfffft.
Oh, how I *love* the State of IL.

#26

You are a Realist:
Say that like it's a good thing. You don't waste a lot of time agonizing over whether your toddler will get into the right college or your grade-schooler is getting enough science to succeed in med school or your high-schooler is making the right business contacts.
You're more in touch with reality than that - you know that what really counts is whether your child is happy, and functioning, and moving forward. Whatever plans and dreams you may have once had for your child, you've been forced to replace them with ones more appropriate to his or her own personal abilities and interests, strengths and limitations.
That's something every parent should do, but so many never attempt, often with heartbreaking results. You've gotten the heartbreak part over early.
Terri Mauro
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Sing it again, sweet Sistah! Realist - I've taken to calling it "meat and potatos person". :-) Reality sure comes SMASHING down on you sometimes. It would be so nice to live in some la la land. Pretending that everything is ok - everything will be ok. Well, not without a lot of hard, icky work, it won't. Special Needs Will, guardian, funeral plans, you name it - you HAVE to think about it. Hysterectomy, Birth Control, all things that have to be considered, thought about, and early - not when it's too late. We always say that we're HOPING we have to mortgage the house to put her in college. That's the one thing we haven't financially prepared for. We doubt we will need it - but you just never know. You walk that fine line between being prepared but also knowing the cold hard truth.

#25

You Are Talented:
Maybe you can sing or dance or paint or write; maybe not. But you are talented in ways most people never imagine.
With no particular training, you can calm an uncontrollable child, teach an unteachable one, create disciplinary strategies on the fly and improvise therapeutic activities.
Like a master playwright, you weave scenarios for games of pretend; like an award-winning actor, you teach emotions with facial expressions, motor skills with sweeping gestures, a love for literature with dramatic book readings. you may not be an artist, but you can instantly recognize the subject matter in even the most abstract crayon scribblings or stick-figure action. Your talent may go largely unheralded, but it's hardly unappreciated.
Terri Mauro
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I must keep this and send it to my "team" around teacher appreciation week. This describes them to a tee. I am proud to be a part (leader) of that team. :-)
I've decided we really need to come up with some kind of picture schedule for weekends. It's just too much to ask S to "go and play". Maybe I'll link it to the clock too. Making half hours more readable. I'll have to work on that. Best thing - I'm really caught up at work so this could easily be done by this Saturday.

Something to Say

You Have Something to Say:
There are many who would prefer you to sit down and shut up (including, sometimes, your child), but it is both your right and your responsibility to speak up. Your perspective is valuable, and without it mistakes may be made, misunderstandings may abound, misinterpretations may stand.
Speaking out doesn't necessarily make you popular, and getting people to listen and to take you at your word can be a challenge, but you know that the consequences of polite silence - for your child, your family for other children and families who have no voice - are far more dangerous than getting a reputation for being a big mouth and a troublemaker. Sit down and shut up? Sure - after you've given everybody an earful.
Terri Mauro
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Superpowers

You Have Superpowers:
So maybe you're not Spiderman (though wouldn't those webs come in handy sometimes?) You still have senses and abilities far more developed than those of the average parent.
Your senses tingle when something is wrong with your child, long before anybody else notices a difference. With your x-ray vision, you see through inaccurate diagnoses and inadequate treatments; with your superior strength, you blast through red tape to get your child what he or she needs; with your lightning speed, you swoop in to keep your child out of trouble.
Like many a superhero, you can't always explain to mere mortals how you know what you know. But as Peter Parker himself learned, with great power comes great responsibility.
Terri Mauro
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Tough

You Are Tough:
Those wimps on "Survivor" have nothing on you. "Outwit - Outplay - Outlast" could be your motto, whether you're dealing with manipulative children, uncooperative educators, unresponsive insurance companies, unsympathetic family members, therapists who refuse to listen and doctors, who don't seem to care. You stay focused, you develop your strategies, you form alliances, and you do what needs to be done.
Because you are understanding and caring and loving, people may mistake you for a pushover. You may even prefer cooperation and compromise to force and subterfuge. But that doesn't mean you don't have the latter two weapons at your disposal. Your other motto? "Whatever works."
Terri Mauro
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Oh, sing it sing it, sistah!!!! I've always said that this whole Spec Ed thing is like a poker game. But honestly, this reference to Survivor seems more appropriate. You do form alliances, you do bluff your way sometimes and you always have the heart string card to play. My "team" has more than once handed me the kleenex box. In fact there are some members who have boo hood right along with me. The outwitting comes in play with insurance and the State of IL with us. To appease a lunatic you have to become one. :-)
Our prayers at dinner have gotten a little off track lately so we came up with going around the table and telling 2 things that you were thankful for. S was thankful for Jesus. Melted my heart. :-) She is also under the impression that for the ISAT test on Friday they will be testing her EYES! ;-) Makes total sense. :-)
After swimming on Tuesday I got to see a mother's tantrum first hand. There was a lady in the locker room that had just lost it - I mean, screaming at her kids, throwing clothes, just in general making a total ass out of herself. From what I could piece together (while trying to keep S out of the "echoing") it was about the children not hurrying and also about one of them not getting out of the pool in time. I had to say a little "thank you, Lord" when thinking about how I have no choice but to NEVER be in a hurry. If we have to hurry to do something - it just can't be done. It gets cut. I've always tried very hard not to loose it in public. You can just see the embarrassment in the kids' faces. I felt sorry for them. Then in came another little girl and she was whistling through the whole thing - getting dressed and then returning to the pool area. I had to admire that. So optimistic at such a young age. We all could learn to whistle away while others throw their fits. :-)

Trying

You Try Hard:
"Try hard and do your best." That's what you tell your children, and you're happy with whatever they're able to accomplish. You understand that perfection, or even an average level of achievement, is legitimately beyond their grasp, and you offer endless inspiration and encouragement.
But how often do you give yourself the same credit? Parenting is hard work. Parenting a child with special needs is harder. You can't always know the right answer. You can't always make the right judgement. Mistakes are built into the job.
Like your child, you will not always have the information or the ability or skills necessary to perform perfectly. It's unfair to expect that you will. You try had, and you do your best. That's enough. That's everything.
Terri Mauro
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My best - yes, I give my best - but my best always changes. For "as we know better, we do better." So "best" is a constantly moving goal.

Patience

You Are Patient:
When patience is called for, anyway. You understand that life is not a race, and that even slow progress is progress. You try to give your child the time and space necessary to grow and develop and improve, even though you can hardly wait to get past current hard times or to see future success.
Speaking more slowly, expecting less, repeating lessons not quite learned, waiting for catch-up, working at whatever level is most appropriate - you've learned how to show the patience your child may so desperately needs, even when you're screaming inside for him or her to *hurry up already*!
But woe to the school official or insurance company or medical professional who tries your patience too severely - you know how to let that screaming out, too.
Terri Mauro
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I agree with this to a point. I try to be very patient with everyone. Granted, I have been blessed with a FANTASTIC school team and I've never had to get even stern with them. :-) Insurance, on the other hand - uggh. But even so - I try to be patient.
I remember actually questioning myself because our mornings weren't rushed like other Moms talk about. I wondered what I wasn't doing that I wasn't rushed. I must be doing something wrong. Pfffttttt! That's ONE thing we do RIGHT - big time. There is no rush. We all have breakfast, we read books, sometimes they even play outside. They get their teeth brushed, hair combed (ok, not J) :-) and get dressed all in time to actually wait for the bus. AND we don't even get up at the crack of dawn. :-) We also do a word of the day and talk about calendar and what's going to happen that day. I also get some time to meditate and talk to my Lord. Yes, mornings we do get right. Now evenings - well, that's a different subject. But no, life is not a race, and we will get evenings too - some day. :-)

Respect

You Deserve Respect:
Goodness know, you may not get it. There may be days when you feel Rodney Dangerfield had nothing on you. You may even decide that getting respect is not a battle you choose to fight, or something that's necessary for getting things done.
But just because respect is not forthcoming doesn't mean it isn't due. You are deserving of respect for your parenting skills, your knowledge about your children and their needs, your tireless efforts on their behalf, your faith and love in the face of tremendous challenges.
If there are people in your life - whether professionals or family members - who don't pay you the proper respect, know that the shortcoming is theirs, not yours. Meanwhile, make sure you're paying yourself plenty.
Terri Mauro
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Yada yada yada..... too much energy wasted on "respect". What do I care who respects me. The people I love do and I respect myself - that's all that's needed. I've also learned that you need to be careful *who* respects you. It's kind of like "pretty is as pretty does". I don't want to be respected by some people. Mostly because their priorities and what they hold respectful is all out of whack - in my opinion. Some people respect those who are leaders of the community - but what do those people really stand for. How do *their* families view them??? I lived that crap for way too many years. Some people respect those who make a lot of money - paaaaalease!!! We've already talked about how this country pays those who do little way too much. Those who REALLY matter in our lives - our kindergarten teacher, the person who cleans the sewers, the farmers who make it possible for us to eat - THEY aren't paid near enough but people who ENTERTAIN us - well, they are way over-payed. So I don't put much stock in other people's respect.

That saying that you have to know who you are and whose you are - that's true. S has really schooled me in what is *really* important.

Sunday

You Are Understanding:
Maybe you never realized how important it is to have a truly understanding friend until you had a child with special needs, and found so many friends to be unable to reach out and give you the support you needed.
Whether they couldn't deal with your changed circumstances, sympathize with your problems, keep from hurtful judging, or allow you child to associate with theirs,some of the people who were once important in your life may have fallen away because at the deepest level, they were unable to understand.
It's made you value those who are always there for you, unconditionally, without agenda. And it's helped you to be much more understanding parent, family member and friend yourself.
Terri Mauro
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Oh, sing it loud and proud, Sistah!!!!!!! YES, many people have fallen by the wayside and mostly it was their choice. And what's sad - they don't know what they're missing. She is a true joy. I learn stuff from her every day of my life. Yes, it's a struggle and life is harder than I ever imagined, but it's also better than I ever imagined. The people who HAVE stuck or been added: Topping the list -- L. I don't know what I would do without her. She is the friend they speak about above. She treats S just like she would anyone else. She loves me unconditionally. We have had our growing pains but we have made it through a lot! I know that if I call her she will put me back on the right track. I value her so much. She has always been in my cheering section and always pumped me up when I needed it. I so wish she could see herself through my eyes. She is a VERY special person.
My sister has also been a guiding force in my life. She also sees no difference in S. She has imparted wisdom of years and relationships. She has also made me laugh along the way and provided a very much needed refuge to escape and dial down. I value her more than she knows or will admit. :-)
My cyber friends have both entertained, informed me and let me vent. We've been in space for over 10 years now. I value them because they incorporate so MANY walks of life. When we started we had "only October in common" and now we have SO much more.
What I find most interesting about the relationships that have been lost along the way, they were never positive ones. It's taken (still is) me a LONG time to realize that no matter what I did - it wasn't going to work out and in reality I didn't want the prize. How many years have I been in that same mess, just different faces. And what's worse - realizing all the energy that was lost on stuff that really didn't matter and wasn't going to make a difference. Energy I could have used to do other things. But you live, you learn, hopefully. :-)

17th

You are Full of Surprises:
That's certainly true when you're dealing with your child. You know that surprises can be a great way to motivate, amuse, distract and discipline, and you try to always have a big bag of tricks on hand.
But you have the element of surprise going for you in other areas, too. Doctors may be surprised to find that you have strong opinions about your child's treatment, and observations to back them up. School personnel may be surprised that you have well-thought-out suggestions for how your child should be taught and handled, and have done your homework when it comes to your rights and the school's responsibilities.
But the one who may be most surprised by your abilities is.... you! Who knew you could do this?!
Terri Mauro
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I've NEVER had to suggest something to my school staff (after the push for all-day kindergarten). In fact, it's quite the opposite. On the other hand, I HAVE had several battles with organizations who are in the business to HELP Special Needs!!! It's been my experience that "regular" classes are MUCH more tolerant and accepting than those that are designed to provide for Special Needs only. Go figure.

I DO carry around more stuff in my bag'o'tricks than I did when she was a baby. I have fidgets, chewy, paper, crayons, diapers, juice, munchies, pictures, you name it. My back is strong "like bull". :-)

S and I went to get our haircut on Saturday. The pampering was totally lost on her but I do think she really enjoyed the "girl's day". She has elected to grow her hair LONG! I'm still not sure how much she's going to tolerate - but I'm game. Harriet and I both told her that when it gets long in the summer she will need to pull it back off of her neck. So here we go. "The girling up of S" (as O calls it).

She also made a deal with her dad that when she wears big girl underwear and poops on the toilet she will get a Little People Tree House. She SAID she'd start on Saturday. It's Sunday afternoon and I've seen no underwear. :-) But I just keep asking every so often. No pressure. Just a little carrot out there in the air. :-)

Informed

You Are Informed:
It takes you by surprise sometimes how little other parents pay attention to the information and issues that you are so concerned with. You hear about kids falling further and further behind in school because their parents don't advocate for them; you look at a roomful of children and find yourself diagnosing problems that nobody else seems to even recognize.
Others may think you're obsessed, but your children benefit from your efforts to know all you can about everything from their educational rights to the latest advances in medicine to trendy theories on learning and behavior management.
Being informed helps you make knowledgeable decisions - and hold your own in conversations with smarty-pants professionals.
Terri Mauro
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I agree but yet I don't. Sometimes I think we over think this. I've had many therapists and others give me "theories" about how to deal with a b or c. And you know what. It comes down to common sense. Treat S like the child she is. S doesn't respond well to negative discipline. Where as J does. S is much better with choices than J. EVERYTHING is different. I mean, there is no one hard fast rule for any of the things we go through. And honestly knowing all the new theories out there or the new meds doesn't mean beans to me. When they can CURE it - then I'll listen. Till then she's just S who has autism and we deal with each little thing in it's own unique way.
But I have to admit I still read everything that comes across my desk. And I still listen to everyone who has a theory and then I make up my own mind. Like anything - you take the meat and leave the bones.

Loving

You Are Loving:
You understand, though, that love means more than hearts and flowers and candy and pretty words. Love may be enough to move mountains, but it helps if you push too.

Loving your child with special needs means working, fighting, struggling, advocating, teaching, training, modifying, guessing, trying, trying again, analyzing, modifying, accommodating, managing, seeking, pursuing, researching, realizing all the many many things you need to do to help your child and making sure they're done.

There may be hugs and kisses and thank yous and ruffly cards and candy hearts along the way, or there may be frustration and isolation and heartache. But your love is stronger than all of that. And somehow, some way, your child will love you for it.
Terri Mauro
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Being that yesterday was the V-day I found this particular note timely. We are getting more "love yous" and kisses from S. Her daddy being in a plow for two nights in a row is making her run to his room in the morning screaming "I need give you a kiss". It DOES put the lion to rest, that's for sure. :-)

She was all excited the other day because I had gotten her valentine candy corn (one of her very favorites) I got all kinds of "thank you Mommys".

Rex is being "loved" almost to death. But every time he's put down he doesn't run - so I figure - he deserves it. She carries him around all over and she decides what it is he wants to do ie: eat, be brushed, play, etc. Brushing is funny to watch. She goes against the grain of his hair. Most animals I know don't care for this - he almost seems to be in a trance. I do believe this guy found us - just for S.

Valentine

You Are Growing

If there were growth charts for parents of children with special needs, the first percentile would represent shock, denial, doubt in our ability to handle such an overwhelming challenge. Maybe, at one time, you were off the bottom of that particular chart. But with time, you passed that first percentile, then the fifth, growing a little steadier, then the tenth, growing a little stronger. Somewhere around the 50th percentile, you found acceptance of your child's disabilities; around the 60th, the ability to enjoy your child's unique gifts.

As you grow in knowledge of and advocacy for your child's special needs, you are growing in other ways, too - in patience, in tolerance, in spirituality. There may be plateaus and fall backs, but your personal growth is nonetheless dazzling.
Terri Mauro
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Well, growing is an understatement. I look back and think who I was in my 20s or my even my early 30s and I'm NOT the same person. I could have NEVER handled the stuff I handle now if I was the same as I was in my 20s. When I look back it's almost like I was an entirely different person. Granted, we all grow, but I feel like I've changed dramatically. Even from 10 years ago. It's amazing the gifts that have been brought into my life because of S. My life has slowed WAY down - had to. She DEMANDS schedule, DEMANDS similarity. Not to mention all the wonderful people I've met along the way. Ms Jan - the first of a long line of GREAT teachers, Ms. A who showed me that S WILL grow up and that there IS a place for her. Ms S and Ms G who will forever be the GREATEST aides that have EVER been. All the therapists, Chris- who has been in this with us for over 7 years now. There's just SO many people who have given so much for her to succeed.

#4

You Are Strong:

How often has it happened - an acquaintance hears your story or sees your child and says "I'm not as strong as you. I could never deal with all the things you deal with." And you shake your head modestly, and brush it off, and maybe even feel a little condescended to.

But you know what? They're right. You are strong. You're facing things that the average parent doesn't even want to imagine, and you're handling them.

Whether you were strong to begin with or had strength thrust upon you by necessity, you're one strong parent, one strong person. Your family needs that strength, your children thrive on it. You may wish you never had to be so strong. But appreciate that strength now. It makes you special. Capable. A force to be reckoned with.
Terri Mauro
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We're all strong. I met with S's SEC today - to sign things for her ISAT test. S is doing FANTASTIC. It's amazing what all they (staff) have to do and document. SO much paper.

I was told at the Pasta/Bingo night that some kids weren't being very nice to S and saying that she couldn't do the computer. J stood up for her and told them that yes she could and that she needed a turn. ;-) So he gets strength thrust upon him.

We've ALL had to adapt to become strong and thick skinned. The stuff people say is unbelievable. I know they don't know what to say a lot of the time - but I'd rather they just be quiet then to have some of the dumb comments made. And the way she's treated by some people. Drives ME crazy. She doesn't even take notice. I think that's HER strength.

Ever Wonder Why?

Ya know - you make a decision and then you think - well, maybe I should..... Esp when it comes to family. And it never fails you go back, you get your heart all into something and make the decision to do something "nice" and BOOM. It all back fires on you anyway. And you end up thinking - why the hell did I change stuff?? It was going to actually make my life harder but I thought ____ would appreciate it and - well, no, they don't appreciate it - in fact they didn't really want you to do it in the first place. So all that heartache and re-adjustments were for nothing - just making your life more hectic.

Will I NEVER learn????

#3

You Know What You're Doing:
Don't you? If not, you know how to make it look like you do. A little confidence goes a long way, and you can always fake it 'till you make it. The more you do, the more you realize that even the so-called "experts" are mostly just guessing and making it look good. Why shouldn't your guess be as good as theirs?

When it comes to parenting children with special needs, there are no hard-and-fast correct answers and smart moves, and trial and error is a perfetly acceptable method for finding solutions that work. The only thing worse than making a mistake is not making an effort.

So even though you're doing the wrong thing, you're doing the right thing. Se? You did know what you were doing after all.
Terri Mauro
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Once again - timely. I'm constanly beating myself up for not doing or seeing something earlier. And our group was just talking about every time you learn the rules they change the game. It can be SO frustrating. And what's crazy is that it seems to get harder as we go. You'd think you would have conquered some things that it would go easier. Quite the opposite. If only I knew then what I know now. It's just so frustrating and so easy to be bitter. I can see how the people I met at the first meeting at school - the people who had teenagers- got to be the way they were. I remember B and I left thinking what's wrong with them - why are they so nasty? Years of struggle. I can see how it takes a toll. I'm so glad to have friends that keep me up.

#2

You are Blessed

It may feel more like a curse sometimes, but having a child with special needs brings with it abundant opportunities for grace. It slows you down and allows you to enjoy the little things - a calm quiet day, a hard-won skill, a spontaneous hug, a pleasant converstaion.

Where other parents are driven to find their children's success in high gfrades and high scores on the playing field, you are granted the privilege of focusing on the things that really matter, teaching your children how to love and care and communicate on the most basic level.

You know what's important, and because you're not caught up in trivialities you are able to appreciate that so much more deeply. Miracles happen every day, if you only know wehre to look for them.
Terri Mauro
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Again, a very timely valentine. It's such a roller coaster of good and bad days. But mostly I see progress and the sweetest girl. Last night we went to Pasta/Bingo night and S sat with all her friends. They truly see her as S - not S with autism. And YES I have learned to look for the miracles - to really see day to day life. I've also seen J step up to be a GREAT advocate. I was told of a situation at daycare where other children were saying that S couldn't do the computer and J stepped right in and defended his sister. We are ALL growing. :-)

Valentines

I received some valentines from a friend of mine and I thought I'd share them here. I have to tell you they really gave me a lift.

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You Have a Mission
Many people spend their whole lives wondering what their purpose is, whether they have a greater calling, something bigger than themselves.
You don't have to wonder: You know the answer every time you look at your child. Helping your precious one reach her fullest potential - pursuing treatments, fighting for diagnoses, battling on behalf of your child's rights - can become a personal crusade, and a particularly fulfilling one.
But even the little things, like helping your daughter through a hard day or a tricky homework problem, or finding a way to calm or comfort her, are often enough to make you feel like you were put on earth for a reason. You need never ponder what your life is good for. You are a Mom with a mission.
Terri Mauro
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I picked this one first because I has recently been down about this very thing. Where was my life going? What was I here for? You tend to forget when you're in the trenches. The whole picture gets lost sometimes.

One of the people helping S at swimming last night came over afterwards and said "I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to work with S. She is one of the nicest and sweetest girls I've ever met." Can I tell you how Dad and I had to watch it as our heads expanded. ;-) THAT was so nice and really a God kiss. It's hard in this life - you get so obsessed with what she can't do and always trying to help her that you overlook some of the biggest blessings about her.

I'm in the middle of creating some social stories. I'd like to have her input with them also. There's so many things I'd like to do and I feel like there's so little time. How do people with more children do it????????

Full time is a Full day

I'm helping out tonight because the weather is so bad that the tax girls can't make it in. Lots of snow all day. We had no school yesterday because it was so cold they couldn't get the buses started. S cried. :-) So I'm working full time now - the house is really suffering. Why is it that even though we're only home at night it still gets as dirty - cluttered as if we were all home all day. What's that???

Bears lost - it was SO sad. It started out SO good but as Devan was running that TD in - I thought to myself - this is not good. This is too fast. Defense didn't show up (not the Monsters we know) and Rex - well, his evil brother came out. :-/

We're all getting tired of winter already. What started out so mild is really making a come back.

Took our 100 day posters to school today. I actually dropped it off - wasn't sure the dog food would make it through a bus ride or walking to school.

J is loving being at daycare in the morning and so far it's working out well. I like the beginning of Feb. I'm done as far as quarterlies and W2s and I get to wait for all the bank statements to come in - which are usually just a little later due to all the other paperwork they've had to get out and tax people fill the office and give you something to talk about.

Super Sunday and it's.....

COLD!!!! Not as cold as yesterday because the wind has died down,but it's still bone chilling. Better keep the brass monkeys in tonight. We're all anxiously awaiting the start of the game tonight. Being so cold is sucking because the kids can't go out and play. Which means they're bored. Which means they get into trouble easier. One thing we need to do today is the 100 day project.

We survived the night with both animals. Rex (who hated Sadie) decided Sade wasn't too bad when Rex realized that the bed was softer than the floor and Sadie sleeps on the bed. Rex was quickly knocked off by B. I'm not sure where Rex slept -but when Sadie wanted out at 7 this morning Rex was on the computer table. Maybe emailing the dog pound?? :-) Sadie is so funny with that "whatever" attitude. "I don't care what you do - I rule - and I don't *need* to prove it."

So we've started with pregame - only 6 hours to go. It ought to be an interesting game. SO many are favoring the Colts. :-/

GO BEARS!

Congratulations, it's a ......

Cat. A grey, goofy cat, that we think is a boy. His name.... Rex. As in T-Rex and Rex Grossman. Rexy Roo. He hides and sleeps and poops mostly. He's not REAL sociable. He's not a big fan of Sadie - but Sade seems to look at him with disdain and a kind of "whatever" attitude. Her big concern is that his food might be better than hers.

So are we nuts or what. The thing is - there was an ad on freecycle for a foster home and I couldn't say no. S is loving having a cat. Telling everyone and telling B thank you for getting him. She was too funny this morning when she was greeted by Rex in J's room.

Aunt L is home. I talked to her yesterday. I really missed her. Things are going well with K and there are still no seizures.

I picked up books and a tape of yoga. I'm going to attempt to teach the girl. Not sure when we'll put it into the schedule, but the therapists seem to think it would really benefit her to learn ways to calm herself.

It's so cold here that after our trip to the PO, library, store and lunch we decided that we are staying in for the rest of the weekend. They cancelled choir so we're home bound for all of tomorrow. We have all the fixings for Superbowl and we're all set. Barring a power outage.

Tick, Tick, tick

Remember a few days after 9/11 and all you saw everywhere was USA stuff. Flags on people's cars, houses, etc. Well, that's what you see here - only with Bear stuff. All other news seems unimportant. All the talk is Bears. Not that I'm complaining. This morning they were talking about what women who hate football should do this weekend. I say do whatever you want ladies - the town will be ALL yours. Kind of like Jewish people on Christmas day - the city will belong to you.

I helped Ms K this morning - took over while she went to the Dr. It was a lot of fun. Got my baby fix - she has a 3 month. Got my toddler fix - she has a 1.5 and 2 year old and got my "school children are a real pain" fix. :-) They're all so cute. I got to play all morning and then when she came home they had to do all the running and feeding and all the ick jobs - while I skated off to a nice quiet office. Could my life be any better???? :-)

We swim tonight. Oh Boy - dang - forgot to sign them up too. Ugghh. Be right back.

He's Got Scale!

Everyone is dry skinned here. The boy has a big problem with it - to the point of psoriasis. So here we go with bulk Vaseline.

The Snowflake Dance was a success. S danced with Q and all her buddies from school. J danced with all his classmates. S danced for about a half hour till she had sensory overload. Then we stayed in the snack room and left a little early. But hey - they both had a nice time.

Our brain patient, K is doing very well. I'm so excited for them. God willing this surgery will get rid of his seizures and he will be able to hold a job, drive, enjoy life to the fullest. The whole family is so faithful and so brave. They are a living testament to God's grace.

Talked to Aunt J yesterday - it's extremely icy there. To the point that Tiny slips and all 4 feet go out from under him. I would really like to see that. :-) We got a little more snow last night - but now a lot.

We're talking about brunch today and of course the normal laundry. Then back at it tomorrow.

GO BEARS!!

I'm not ready for breakfast - wait for me.

This is what we heard from S this morning when as she was picking out books to take to school. Made me laugh out loud.

We got report cards the other day - the boy - got many E's (exceeds)! And S - she got 4 M's (meets)!!!!!!!! Can you believe it?! Those Ms are HUGE! She's doing so well in school. I know I've said it before - but I LOVE Salk!!

Yesterday at group I couldn't believe all the bad things I was hearing about other school dists that are MUCH more affluent! SO much money and still do really nothing for Special Needs. Nancy doesn't even have what I call a Special Ed coordinator. Last year her team was only meeting once a year! That's crazy! I'm just SO proud of my school. They talked about how their kids are included - but not really - that they don't have friends - pfffft - we can't go anywhere that someone doesn't say hello to S. And her teachers treat her pretty much like anyone else. She's not the autistic kid in class - she's just S, and I'm S's mom and J is S's brother. School is really her domain. :-)

GO BEARS!

Death and Good News

Our dear friend, Bar-b-que has gone to the big pond in the sky along with one of the Ralfs. We found BBQ this morning - his tank all yucky and his poor little limp body at the bottom over a rock. He will surely be missed.

Good news from the "team". I can't get out of there without crying lately. Seems our gal is really improving. Just going like gangbusters. If we could get a year round school year this girl could possibly make it to a Jr College. She really seems to hit her stride come the 3rd quarter. She is reading, I'm told she has a better grasp of words and uses them better than most children her age. Seems she is really *gifted* we just can't get to it. Those low tone muscles seem to be standing in the way. Her team is certainly entertained by her. Have I mentioned how much I love the people that work with S?? I'm serious, it seems that everyone she comes into contact with is a very caring, giving, and great person. She is being taught every second of the day.

After taking the lunch money to the box she asked if she could go into the office. She wanted to say hi to everyone and to comment about their shirts (Bear Day). Wonder where she gets that socialness? :-)

Last night at swimming, I let her and J get in about 5 minutes early. He of course went right to the deep end to jump off. Guess who followed along? She's a jumper now!!!! That brother can push her to do stuff without the knowledge that he's even pushing her. And she in turn is teaching him things early. Because of her he is exposed to things at a much early age than others. He's doing great with all of his words. Wouldn't be surprised if he reads by the end of the year.

Oh, and we lost a tooth last night. Tooth Fairy brought $2. It was so funny. I had seen him wiggling it last night while eating, it was just barely holding on. And when I went in to kiss him goodnight and ask him if he knew who the luckiest Mommy was - he got all goosey and it came right out. Man, he looks like a 12er now. Put that cami hat on top of it with the barn coat - it's Gomer!

He had a great time at daycare in the mornings. And swimming seems to be fitting into school fine. So looks like we'll sign up for the rest of the year.

I need to write a letter to the insurance about all of this. I do believe group has really helped us with her vocabulary and her ability to conversate. They were saying that *that* is really picking up. It's everyone working together. I just get chills when I think of how good we are doing. How lucky we are to have such really FANTASTIC people working with her.

They also complimented B and I that we have exposed her to so much and it's evident that we work with her and that in their experience we are one of very few that do. I was proud but yet sad for the other children who don't have this. I mean, B and I try (and fail - a LOT) but we certainly aren't perfect nor do we get it all done or even handle things correctly all the time. But we do believe school to be important - and I feel mostly for the social aspect of it. S is a perfect example - she has all this knowledge up there - knowledge of the 3rd grader - she picks up everything - but she's reduced to a Kindergartner because of her social skills. Sometimes we need to take a good look at what is REALLY important.

GO BEARS!

Back with CS

Well, I'm back with my buddy, CS. Another good one. The thing that scares me is that no one in the group seems to identify with the "patients". Strange.

S had a very good day today. Got all of her marbles. Even when watching a movie with all of the 3rd grade. I told her how proud I was of her.

GO BEARS! That's right - the Superbowl. S knew it last week before we even beat the Sea hawks. That girl has a sixth sense.

J goes back to daycare tomorrow morning - he's all excited about it. But he is praying that they don't have chicken nuggets or creamed corn. Don't blame him on the corn.

Christmas is Done, Man!

Oh, thank God, we finally got all the Christmas stuff down and put away! I was so sick of that tree I wanted to puke! Pretty productive day, for us. Christmas stuff down - reg stuff back up, some laundry going and groceries. Tonight we're going to watch Flubber. Not sure if it will be a hit or not. We have been into the Sat night movies with all animals, so this will be a change.

Game tomorrow. Can I just tell you how very nervous I am. It's worse than if I were playing. I don't know, when you're on a team you feel more in control of what's going to happen then you do if you're just watching. The tension puts me over the edge. Plus, it's like you have all this energy and you can't do anything with it. Someone suggested that you should run the treadmill and watch the game. WHAT - and give up guac and chips. Not on your life! :-)

S is really chatting it up lately. My father would say if you tape her mouth shut, the top of her head would blow off. :-)

It's suppose to snow like a son of a gun tomorrow. Good Bear weather! :-) My Mom and Dad have been staying in due to such bad roads down south. The ice has them pretty 'fraid. Which is fine. Bones break too easy when you're that age.

They had a pilot come into group on Thursdsay. I guess all of our guys imparted all *their* knowledge *to* him. :-) He was YOUNG. Like Nancy said - If I saw him getting on my plane I'd ask him where his Mommy was going to meet him. :-) She is such a neat person. I love talking to her. Her Sam is a neat kid, too. He informed me that there is a website where you can perform virtual surgery! Now, that I'd like to see!

S is hoping for snow tonight. I think she's ready to sled. We haven't gotten to do that this year. Just not enough snow. She assures me that she's going to behave tomorrow at church. We'll have to see.

GO BEARS!!!!

Medicated Dreams

It's so strange when you have dreams after taking medication - sometimes I feel that they are null and void because they're the result of medication - but then sometimes they seem to fit so well in your life. I had Rosie O over to my house last night and we discussed the whole Donald vs Rosie thing. I'm on Rosie's side. And I'm not sure why everyone else seems to hate her. Ok, she says what's on her mind - she's not out to win popularity on some of her statements. And no, I don't agree with her on all points - but when did being outspoken become a crime in this country? I agree with her that the Christianity taken to the extreme can be as horrible as Muslim taken to the extreme. I think most people would have to agree with that when we look in history. There have been so many deaths so much torture in the name of Christianity. And personally, I don't think that's what the Savior had in mind. We shouldn't be so righteous to think that we know all and have the right to judge others. I also think she has a right to her opinion about the Miss whatever not getting a second chance. It's her OPINION! Well, anyway - we had a fabulous time last night. We swapped stories of our kids and talked about the political scene and just laughed our butts off. She's very funny. :-)

Haircut yesterday. Was really nice to talk to L. I don't feel so all alone in my comparing of children. Little did I realize that mothers to "neuro-typical" children do too. ;-) Motherhood is SO sucky sometimes! :-)

S is all excited about getting her hair done by Harriet next time. She keeps talking about the "girls' day out". She is a character.

Play with me and I will learn...

by James D MacDonald

Oh-oh! I did something wrong again.
I can see it in your face.
I'm sorry I disappoint you so much.

Maybe if I play by myself
I won't make as many mistakes
And then you will like me more.

I really want to play with you,
But when you want me to do things I cannot do,
A war starts and no one has fun.

I wish you knew how much I learn
When we just have fun together.
When you are funny, I remember everything you do.

Believe me, I am doing what I can do
You can teach me more
But only in little steps that are possible for me.

When I see that you think I am wrong,
I have to get away,
And then I don't learn with you.

Cool it, I will learn much more if you just play with me,
You're not supposed to be my teacher,
I will learn more when you are a playful parent.

Your job is not to make me perfect.
Your job is to make me confident and optimistic,
And then I will be as smart as I can be.

When you look sad and scared, I feel that way too
I can't be your "perfect" but I'm learning.
Trust me and we will do it together.

All I need to learn and grow
Is to be happy with you
Le me in and let's do it together.

Marty Murphy

Some things from Marty Murphy I find particularly interesting. :

Words to Remember:
1. Please remember when I try to do something and fail, it only means I am trying. I wasn't to succeed just as much as you want me to.
2. If I turn away or act like I don't care about you, don't think it means I don't love you. I do. Look closely. I might just have a different way of showing it.
3. When I act out or tantrum, I am not trying to be bad. I just get frustrated sometimes and this is the only way I have to show it.
4. Please try not to yell or scream at me. I know I must test your patience sometimes but it confuses me when you yell or scream and then my confusion can make me act worse.
5. Don't think because I might not communicate like everyone else that I don't have opinions or ideas about things. I do. I just can't make them understood. Being autistic and having an opinion of things some people might call "skewed", does not make my opinion any less relevant than anyone else's. It also does not make it more relevant. Don't forget my brothers and sisters as you work to help me.
6. If I get upset in a large group, a noisy place, a place that's too quiet or with too many things happening, please know that I wish I could join in and I am sad that I can't. I wish I did not do strange things in public at these times, but I can't help it. It's the only way I know how to cope.
7. Please don't spend time feeling sorry for me or sorry for yourself. I will only be a child for a short time, and we don't have much time to spend on feeling sorry for ourselves.
8. Don't think you can just ignore my problem and it will go away. I may have known I had a problem long before you did. Ignoring my problem will not make it go away. I need you to understand me and help me, now more than ever.
9. You must believe in me. Most of the time I will have trouble believing in myself! Please don't cast me aside or consider me just another "handicapped person" and limit or ignore my potential before we even know what it is. Remember, if people had cast aside Thomas Jefferson we might never have had the Declaration of Independence. If they had ignored Einstein or Edison, the world might never have benefited from their inventions or brilliance. If everyone had decided that Bill Gates was of limited potential, then the struggle that we have before us would be much greater, for he has given us the ability to connect to the world.
10. Help me navigate the world. It seems so big, scary and confusing. I know people make fun of me and it hurts. I know I am different but I don't know why. Don't hide me from the world. Help me conquer it the best way I can.

So Torn - So Depressed - So Happy

What a complex life I live. Emotions all over the place in one moment. It SO sucks. I tested J yesterday, at school. He's way above the norm. Only him and 2 others out of 24 were able to identify numbers over 20 and count to 100. See I always knew he'd read early - he's always sat with S and I when we did her homework - but we never did math and I just didn't see it coming this quick. Yeah, I'm happy and proud but I'm also very depressed. Why couldn't S have some of that? Just a little make J average and bring S up to average. I know, it's evil to think like that in a way. I mean I never asked why me when God chose to bless me with J or to give me a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, enough money, a good husband.

It's just like when J was "reading" (you know when you read the story over and over and over again - they memorize it and then "read" it to you) when he was like 3 and seeing the joy on his face, feeling proud but also seeing S over J's shoulder and knowing that she never did that and that she may NEVER do that. *I* know the true meaning of bitter sweet. And somewhere though crying about all this last night I actually uttered the words - why couldn't I have 2 like J!!!!! I swear I must be doing the crack while I'm sleeping!!! It's just so crazy!

Sad, Sad, News...

Our very favorite Dr - Dr. W. is no longer going to be practicing. :-( Now who are we going to see??? S will be very sad - she thinks Dr W walks on water. Makes you feel like one of the family has died or something. It's just so sad. We're really going to miss him.

Swim, little fishy.......

Swimming lessons went well. At least J's did. I'm not sure about S. LOTS of people there. Ivan was in S's class!!! That made me feel better. Either way, it was decided by the two that I should go and get goggles for Thursday. S would like black and J would like blue. "Black is better" was heard from the back seat. :-)

J's up to his old tricks. Sunday night he pulled a little pouty thing and told us he didn't want to go to school - and just a coincidence (pffttt) it was right at bedtime. Thinking that we would have a "talk" about it - he tried it on both of us. He was told that he could say anything he liked as he walked his butt back to his room and went to bed. His face was priceless. "um, *that* didn't go like I planned". The next day I picked him up from school and got the same pouty face and a "ughh, man - I don't want to go home". He just sucks the joy right out of life. :-)

He's got the other front tooth loose and is on a very soft diet - so it doesn't hurt his tooth. LGMS.

S has returned to school in full force. Asking for words every morning, reading her reader every night, but we're still having trouble with talking out. I have no clue lately.

Bloody Blood

Gave blood yesterday. AND - wait for it...... NO passing out!!!! I managed to get my blood pressure up to a decent number, asked to lay down, and bled out in less than 10 minutes with no discomfort, dizziness, I was fine!!!! YAY!!! I've had the last two times be horrible because my blood pressure was so low and I bled too fast that my body shut down. :-/ So, I'm quite proud of myself.

The monsters are just that - monsters. No happy faces for S today. She wouldn't leave J alone AND she gave me problems when it was time to get dressed. Ugghh. They both got a time out because of wrestling and bickering today. Lord, give me the strength.

We have decided now that all the transferring of computers last weekend might have to be redone!!! We can't make up our minds as to what will work best where. :-/ I'm very happy with our "library" though. It works perfectly for the kids.

Tonight is our first swim lesson at night AND our first in a "reg" class. I'm anxious to see how it goes. I think it might be a nice time to treat them out to eat before. We'll see

Why?

Why do people borrow trouble? And do we all do it in a way? Do we make problems out of things that aren't really problems - and for what? Attention? Our society now seems to almost make up things that are wrong - where as we used to hide it - to make people think things were "normal". We always go from one extreme to another.

This morn I listened to a debate about mandatory preschool and full day kindergarten. I personally think both are a very good idea. Reasons: Other countries that do this and spend more money in Early Childhood related services are able then to spend a considerable amount LESS on prisons, courts, etc. Also - visit a kindergarten room someday - see how HUGE the gap is between those who know and those who don't. Now, try and teach them ALL. Granted - maybe the government shouldn't be in charge of this - God knows they are messing it now. But who should? And how can we make sure it's fair to all children - regardless of income level? Why is it our country is so very advanced yet so very behind??? Our priorities are SO messed up!!! Why does a teacher make SO much less than someone in a film?? I think we've seen that even animals can act. Yes, some people are better at it than others - but are they really worth what they're paid? And aren't the people who are in the trenches of teaching and shaping and molding our most precious things worth the most??? Makes my head hurt about how screwed up things are.

I LOVE being in the classroom but there's no way in heck I'd teach. Too many idiot parents. Too much crap you have to do to please the lunatic (State of IL) - too sad to see kids whose parents just don't GET it. And they come from ALL backgrounds. Breaks my heart - you can tell who gets attention and who doesn't. You can tell who needs more from Mom and Dad. And God knows, it's the hardest job you'll ever have - but you just CAN'T put in whatever's "left over".

Rough, Rough Day

Church was very bad again. S and I went home the second service. Grrr. What is it with her??? It's getting so much worse as she gets older. :-( I really lost it today. I actually said the words. The wish. I've NEVER done that before. Am I getting selfish or are things just so beyond my ability??? It didn't last long - I realize I can't afford too much time - there's too much to be done.

We're in the midst of finding homes for everything and re-arranging. Trying to set up something where we can all work at the same time. The kids now have their own computer/homework room/library. Complete with fish tank - where we have now lost all the Normans and Goldie passed this morning. So we are left with Cocoa, 3 Ralfs, and 5 Henrys. The tank is too darned big for that small amount of fish.

Tears tonight from the boy at bedtime - doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. Personally , I think it was a ploy to stay up later. First time in over two weeks that they had to shut the lights off and go to bed - instead of doing whatever in their rooms with the lights on.

S was glad to go - she plays hard and is SO ready for school. She was all a babble about library tomorrow and having her books all ready and what was for breakfast and then what she would have for lunch. That's my family - gotta know the menu.

Fantastic Time

Just got home from a really GREAT time with L&E. The girls all went to get S's ears pierced today. Not one tear! She is a real trooper. When the lady put a dot on her ear with a marker there was a big freaky look on S's face and I started thinking "maybe this wasn't the best idea". But heck - she went through the actual piercing without a flinch. Sometimes that low tone really comes in handy. We (the girls) decided that it's time to girl up S. So we decided that she and Little L would go with us to our hair appt next time and then go shopping for some earrings. Our next appt will be about 6 weeks away and by that time there should be a fair amount of hair for Harriet to do something with.

The boys all met us for dinner at McD's. We had the BEST time. I laugh so much when I'm with L. She makes everything so fun. We talked and talked and pretty soon - it was 5 hours later. We have made an itinerary for the next couple of outings. The boys came up with sledding and then White Fence Farm. What a fun time.

So my tiny little baby girl now has pierced ears. Emerald green stones is what we chose. She really does look cute. Of course even the piercing lady thought she was a boy. Next step - dump the Spiderman stocking hat. :-)

Should I Be Worried

Should I be worried that my son likes to take his pants and shirt off and then tie his shirt around his waist so it looks like a skirt? He reminds me of Braveheart. He's so funny. He loves nothing better than to be naked. Granted it seems more like Spring lately but it is still Winter.

Last day of camp today. I think we're all ready for school and a 'normal' schedule. It's been hard keeping stuff picked up in the house lately. Too many toys - too much.

I'm so close to being caught up at work. Just trying to figure out when I'll need to start full time. The end of the year with payroll and W2s can get hairy for part time hours. Not to mention that the phones will be picking up shortly. Still having problems keeping the Els straight. I don't know how M does it. And what's kind of goofy is he kind of expects me to know them by heart. I just haven't worked with them enough. Heck when there's 22 of them - what ya gonna do. :-/

Only a couple of days left

Monday starts school again. Thank GOD! Back to a "normal" schedule. The house still reaks of Christmas. Bah. I'm always glad to see it go.

The kids' are loving camp. Swimming every day - I'd love it too. :-) J has become addicted to Game boy. He plays it while he's on the toilet! It's too funny.

B is all excited about his new toy. I have to say I'm enjoying it too. Nothing like sitting on the couch and blogging! ;-)

I just about got caught up on work this week. It makes such a difference coming in the mornings istead of just afternoons. I'm looking forward to my hours in the summer. Of course need to get through full time tax season before that can happen.

Got my W2 today! Where does all that money go??? It just doesn't seem possible. If my parents only knew how much we bring down together. They'd be shocked. I remember the stories of them making so little that they didn't have to pay taxes. If every generation does better - I'll be anxious to see what J makes.

Looking forward to the weekend. The girls are going out to get S's ears pierced. She seems pretty excited. Then we're doing our annual Christmas thingie. Do the presents ever end???

Only a couple of days left

Monday starts school again. Thank GOD! Back to a "normal" schedule. The house still reaks of Christmas. Bah. I'm always glad to see it go.

The kids' are loving camp. Swimming every day - I'd love it too. :-) J has become addicted to Game boy. He plays it while he's on the toilet! It's too funny.

B is all excited about his new toy. I have to say I'm enjoying it too. Nothing like sitting on the couch and blogging! ;-)

I just about got caught up on work this week. It makes such a difference coming in the mornings istead of just afternoons. I'm looking forward to my hours in the summer. Of course need to get through full time tax season before that can happen.

Got my W2 today! Where does all that money go??? It just doesn't seem possible. If my parents only knew how much we bring down together. They'd be shocked. I remember the stories of them making so little that they didn't have to pay taxes. If every generation does better - I'll be anxious to see what J makes.

Looking forward to the weekend. The girls are going out to get S's ears pierced. She seems pretty excited. Then we're doing our annual Christmas thingie. Do the presents ever end???

Sick, ick, ick, ick......

Flu - like jump in front of a bus kind of flu. Complete with fever, chills, you name it. Ick, ick, ick. So, S didn't make it to Gma's because of the sickies, I haven't been to work in the last 3 days because of it. And the washer and dryer haven't stopped.

Feel better (lots) today and I'm trying to reclaim the house. Nothing like Christmas to let me know exactly how SMALL this house is.

Had a great time with my sister. I'm hoping she didn't get the creeping crud. As of Thursday - she was ok. But I really got bad on Friday.

The kids are LOVING camp. It was so funny to hear J go on and on to S about camp - like she had never been there. "Can you hardly wait"?

So we start a whole new year. Looking forward to tomorrow. Bears vs.Packers - ought to be a goodie - even though it doesn't count for anything.

Merry Fing Christmas!

Already the fighting, the whining, the screaming and pushing have begun! Both of the kids are really in need of a serious "tune up". Was Christmas seriously made to make people feel like big looser parents?? Dang! Last night at church was nasty (S) and then J feels the need to compete for nastiness title. This morning we got up and played with all of our toys for about 2 minutes before the fights broke out. I'm in REAL need of a vacation. S is getting worse - with the talk, the mocking, the general Auti symptoms and I'm getting worse at handling them. I used every trick in my bag last night. Fidget, pets, hand squeeze, yoga breath you name it - all for nothing.

Aunt J comes today. I so hope stuff settles down a little. In 1/2 hour I'm locking them both outside to blow off some of that stink. They are just TOO much today. Rockwell must have been on some other planet when he painted his "family" pictures.

Carols for the SN Parents

My very favorite Special Need Christmas Carols: :-)


#1: We Won't Go
(sung to the tune of "Let It Snow")
Oh, your party sure sounds delightful,But our child's behavior's frightful,And since we'll just bring you woe,We won't go, we won't go, we won't go.
Well, the tantrums he won't be stopping,And we'll chase him 'til we're dropping,He just can't stand the stress, and soWe won't go, we won't go, we won't go.
If we actually made it there,After miles of yelling and gripes,We would suffer your guests' cruel staresAnd overhear all of their snipes.
Oh, they'd whisper that we're bad parents,And our child is quite aberrant,'Til our spirits were sunk, and soWe won't go, we won't go, we won't go.

#8: You Better Watch Out
(sung to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town")

You better watch out,
You better not get
Toys that my child's not ready for yet.
Ask me for ideas this year.

I'm making a list,
I'm checking it twice,
And if you don't ask, you're naughty not nice,
Please take my suggestions this year.

Those age-appropriate playthings
May fit those "average" tots,
But my special little angel
Needs a lot of extra thought.

You can't catch her up
With a puzzle or kit.
Why not get a gift
That really will fit?
We threw out that stuff you bought last year.

#10: There Goes Routine
(sung to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus")

There goes routine,
There goes comfort,
There goes therapy.
Here comes boredom,
Here comes whining,
There goes sanity!

School break's here
And I should cheer
The time to spend with my kids.
But though I bless
Togetherness
I feel like I'm losing my wits.

But here comes New Year's.
Here comes three cheers,
Here comes tears of joy.
Get the backpacks,
Meet the buses,
Goodbye, girls and boys!

Though it means
More homework scenes
And teacher battles and such.
Ending Christmas break
Can make me
Love that school so much!

Christmas is WAY over rated!!!

Christmas program today at church. S did VERY well at the first service - the one I wasn't at. The second service that I attended - she was HORRIBLE!!! When you look up the word stress - my picture is next to it with my head exploding!

J did VERY well. He sang, sat quietly, and did exactly what he was supposed to. Since then S has been just over the top. SO much shouting out, back talking and in general a real brat. I know, I HATE that word - but it really fits at this moment. And even though I know that it's the autism that's causing it - it's just SO hard to deal with. You feel like all your nerves are all up at the surface of your skin. They're hovering there - and you can actually FEEL the blood in there - like a big glob of deviled egg stuffing being squeezed through a decorators bag.

I really wish they'd give a class, a seminar, heck even a meeting about dealing with this. I get some tips from the therapists - but dang - in the midst of the thing going on and just regular life - well, I'm failing miserably.

What really sucks is that when I have to take S out of service - or whatever is going on - I miss all of J. Sometimes I feel really sorry for him. Like B and I he never asked for this and the burden was thrust upon him. It's strange to type that "burden" - I actually see S as two different entities. The wonderful little girl who tells me about grandpa and the peanuts and that wouldn't it be funny if she called me Mrs Stevens. And then there's that demon - that screaming, screeching, nasty brat that HAS to have the last word and HAS to keep doing something over and over and over and over and WILL NOT stop.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of hearing it all - I never realized what a powerful tool loudness is. I swear, if we were to let the Pentagon have her for a day and put her in the cell with the prisoners at Git mo - we'd have our answers by dinner time.

Pastor prayed today that we would be granted the strength and patience to rear our children. Boy, that is the truth. Strength and patience. And I have SO little to spare.

Grinches? NO WAY!!!!

Have you been to a Knights of Columbus Christmas Party for Special Needs children??? You haven't lived. It is the most FANTASTIC time you will ever have. Feeling a little down - Christmas blues? Go to this party and you WON"T be able to be Grouchy - guarantee!!! The JOY in this room is unbelievable!!! The Knights put out a feast of Chili, pasta, hot dogs, chips, all the trimmings and then cake (both yellow and chocolate) and ice-cream!!! Then the choir comes in and sings all kinds of Christmas songs to sing to. One of the special needs kids (young adult) Marc, sang Silent Night and I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. The sound of clapping afterwards could be heard all the way to Downers Grove, I'm sure.

And as we all sang - Santa Claus is coming to Town we heard sirens and then - oh, my, they all ran to the street and who should they see? Santa, himself upon the back of a huge Fire truck - lights and sirens blazing! All the kids jumped and screamed and yelled!!! It's like nothing you've ever seen. Take all the cynical crap out of the world and you get - the special needs world.

Santa came in and started to read the names off the presents and one by one each child went up to sit on his lap and get their present. They were so thrilled. They so wear all their emotions upon their faces and you just can't help but be in awe of the sheer joy that they feel.

S got Little People and coloring book and crayons! She lined them all up on the table and just stared at them - anticipating going home and playing with them. There wasn't even one person not happy with their gift. So little means so lot to these kids. It really puts your faith back into Christmas when you attend this event. There's no commercialism, there's no jealousy, there's no keeping up with the Jone's'. It's just pure joy and celebration. Your heart just cant' help but overflow. Kids in wheel chairs are lifted up by adults and helped to dance to the carols. Kids that don't know each other except maybe seeing each other at swimming or something are now forming a dancing train- and for some that's quite a task.

Yes, Virginia - there IS a Santa Claus - he lives in every heart of a special needs child - no matter how old he/she is. You can be SURE that everyone one of them can hear the bells on the reindeer's harness.

Doom

Do you ever have that closed in feeling? Like everything is coming down on top of you? Kind of like the bugs are hanging on the edge of the hole (for all you Tumblebug fans). I think that's why I don't care for Christmas all that much. It's always that way. I don't care how much you prepare - how much you do in November - it's always a race to the finish. And as the cinders embedded in my knee attest - I don't care much for races.

And on top of that I picked a job with that kind of "hurry up and wait" thing too. :-(

Seems to be contagious also. The Mom's were all down yesterday at group and the kids all out of hand. S had to go out twice. She NEVER goes out! She also has a UTI and we had to pee in a cup (VERY hard ) but we did get the meds and hopefully she'll calm down a little more. We're working on "taking control of our engine". I'm not getting it so well and will probably need to purchase a book on it. So here we go again. Like I have time to research stuff at this moment. Uggh.

We have the Christmas Party with the "pirates" this weekend. I LOVE this celebration. Nothing like Special Needs children to really make you realize what it's all about! I just stand and bawl like a baby in appreciation of all I have - you just CAN'T be in a down mood with them.

B's working on a new Santa gift for the boy. We've gone through 3 now. He's been jonesing for a Game Boy (the new kind) and B has found a used one for a good deal - AND it plays the games he already has. !!!!

I'm no where on cards, and presents - yes they're bought - but not wrapped. And the house - oh, my gosh - it's just absolutely HORRIBLE!

Got Sade's stitches out yesterday. She's gonna have a scar - not going to be able to be photo'd from the right side. The hair might cover it a little - it's still pretty short from surgery. She's feeling MUCH better. Can't wait to give her a bath on Sunday. Figure we'll do it before the Bears game and let her rub her face to a pulp during the game. :-)

Things are CRAZY

Dang, can hardly catch my breath. The house is so WAY out of control and S picks this time of year to go through pants like kleenex!!! So naturally, I'm WAY behind on laundry too. I don't know - something's got to give. Also behind at work too. It's crazy. Just seems like I'm putting out fires lately. When I finally do get to a client's work - it's not all there so I have to make phone calls and put stuff on hold only to come back to it later. ugghh.

Book Fair/Holiday Fest last night at school. ALWAYS a good time. LOVE the book fair. I have become quite the book helper too. :-) Mrs S wanted to know if I'd consider volunteering full time. :-) God, I love books. The only thing is I'm not the greatest when it comes to books that appeal to someone over the age of around 10. I'm more of a picture/read to me chapter book girl. I suppose that will come with aging children. :-) There seems to be a whole subculture of us that kind of know about children's (good children's) books. Like the fact that Van Allsburg wrote the Polar Express WAY before it was a movie and of course Hollywood strayed away from it a tad - should I say "plumped" it up. But they do that to all books. I've never heard someone say "oh, the movie was much better than the book." :-)

Trying to make lists of things and dollar amounts to make out forms for the pre-tax system the Village is installing. Did I mention we FINALLY have a contract!!??!! And to think we have to do it all over again in a year - I think. I don't think it's more than a 3 year contract and we've been without for 2 years. I'll have to ask about that. So finally we are going to be getting 2006 pay to match our 2007 prices???? Yeah, it's crazy - but it's better than 2004 - which is what WAS going on. B's pretty happy and now he can ask about the whole cemetary thing. He didn't want to mess with that till he knew about pay from the contract.

Pretty much have the Christmas shopping done. I'm still not sure how we're going to work the whole Mom and Dad gifts. If we're going to put them on their beds as surprise (it's flannel sheets) and put the trees up in their rooms? Still have to plan that. Plus have to find out from Aunt J what's up (I was interupted on the phone last night) with her visit and then plan out Camp and Grandma's for Christmas Vacation.

S got a tea set in her advent this morning. The "People" were enjoying tea when she left on the bus this a.m. She's going to have a very merry People Christmas this year. Santa, Aunt L and Aunt J are all purchasing People. She ought to be in heaven. :-)

Six weird things about me.

My favorite midwife, Frectis has tagged me! According to the rules: EAch player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things About You". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. After you're done, tag six people by listing them on your blog and leaving a note in their comments section.

1. I have a strange fear of running water - no, not the faucet but like waterfalls, storm drains, and damns. I have no idea where it comes from - I was never in a tragic waterfall accident or anything like that.
2. I'm deathly afraid of mice. Like running, screaming, having to be on TOP of something if one is seen. When I smoked we always smoked outside of our house (after the kids were born) and in the winter when it was too cold we would smoke in the garage - I saw a mouse in there once and from then on I never smoked. So my lungs are black - but mice - no way!!!
3. Things MUST match. If cups (like sippy cups) have lids - and the lids all fit the other cups it doesn't matter - each cup must be stored and put together with the matching lid. Things must also be symetrical and even. Don't know why - suspecting it's that 'autism' gene that runs in the family. :-)
4. Very scared of bridges. This has been since my adult (productive member of soc) life. When I was in college we would walk over the train bridge to Quinsippi Island and sit on it and dangle our feet out. We also dumped road sign over the Mississippi Bridge - but that's another story. :-) Again, this fear is not founded. I am a very strong swimmer (former life guard) and have never had some sort of fearful accident with or on a bridge.
5. I'm ALWAYS trying to get "into" schedule. I'm WAY "all or nothing". If I can't do something everyday and it fit in (like excersize) I can not do it. It MUST "fit" and that word has a very relative definition for me.
6. I like strange smells. Gasoline, skunk, chlorine, perm solution, horses (esp the tact oil) or cows, even wet dog. Again - I'm suspect of the autism gene. :-)

When I started out to write this list I thought "I don't have anything weird - but as I write I am coming up with more and more. Like dominoes.

Ok Bloggers, these of you have been tagged:
http://stephsitsandknits.blogspot.com/
http://mommychris.livejournal.com/
http://yoursmineours8.blogspot.com/
http://www.myspace.com/catahoulaleopard
http://dee32067.blogspot.com/

The Eyes Have It

S went to her first eye appt today. She did VERY well. No need for glasses. Might be min. stigmatism - but nothing to worry about right now. J played in the waiting room and was quite good. As I sat there watching the two "work the crowd" - it occurred to me that the two together would make a great polotition team. He gets along with everyone - doesn't know an enemy and she remembers everyone's name. It's quite commical.

So we hussled home and litterally inhaled our lunch - picked up or friend Juan and headed for school. They were all glad to see her. And she was very glad to be there. I'm not sure who likes school more - her or him.

I tested in J's room yesterday. I'm sure it's because I tested him - but I was amazed at not only does he know the stuff - but he's quick. It's vrey sad to see where some of the kids are though. They're so cute. I really enjoying helping out.

Tax season starts soon - I will be working full time by Feb 5. I'm excited - but not. It's so hard to keep up with the house now - let alone when I have even less time at home. :-( Also, we're looking into night time swimming lessons. Since our little problem with JBSRA we're going to look into "reg." swimming lessons for S. I'm really anxious to see how she does.

Gonna try and put up the tree this weekend. The Bears don't play till Monday night - so I think we'll be ok. I am going to miss my Monday night meeting though, so I can see it. There are priorities in this world. :-)

Ran accross a book the other day titled: Grow Your Own Monster. I could have written that book. I definitely am growing my own Monster. He is obsessed with the Advent calander and who opens when and what number package goes with it. Ugghh. Sometimes Christmas is really just one big pain in the butt. :-)

Missed Nancy at Group yesterday. S did very well. The boys and S made a gingerbread house and I was told that she really did well. No screetchy voice and no mother hen stuff. She CAN do it - she just looses it sometimes.

SO much STUFF

Where to start. Snow day on Friday - for the first time in S's 6 years. She did prety well. We only had about 4 or 5 inches. The kids went out and played and stayed out a lot longer than I thought they weould.

Saturday we went to the Fest of Lights. We sat on Santa's lap and told him that they wanted the Little People School for S and Bullseye Ball Bounce and Roll for J. We made ornaments and played gaems and then went through the drive through at Mickey Ds. It was too cold to stay for too long.

Sunday we watched the Bears win and had Church meeting. While we were talking that night J opinioned that Santa on Sat. wasn't real. He was perfectly fine with it and said it almost like "by the way". We explained that these were helpers and that they would report back to the real Santa and that he shouldn't tell smaller children because they did think it was the real Santa. He's so funny. The conversations you can have with him are amazing. For someone who is so silly and off topic a lot of the time he CAN pull it together and really have some nice insight.

I volunteered at the Book Fair yesterday. I just love school. You can really FEEL the energy that exudes from the place. Everyone is always in a good mood (or they fake it very well) and it seems like one big family. I got into a conversation (butted in) with several 5th grade boys about the Bears game. I got a couple of those "I'm amazed you know what football is, Lady" looks. I also told the wrong teacher that her library books were due. They prob won't ask me back very soon. *I* sure have a good time. :-)

I can't tell you how horrible the house looks. I'm VERY behind on laundry, the toilets all need scrubbing. Ugghh. How do people do it??

And now I'm off to swimming lessons. You really *miss* these days huh? I'm not sure I buy it.