Siblings

What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know:
If thy are provided with support and information, they can help their sibs live dignified lives from childhood to their senior years.
Sibs share many of the concerns that parents of children with spec. needs experience, including isolation, a need for information, guilt, concerns about the future, and care giving demands. They also face issues that are uniquely theirs - resentment, peer issues, embarrassment and pressure to achieve.
1. I have a right to my own life.
2. Acknowledge my concerns.
3. Don't set unrealistic high expectations for me and help me not to feel I have to compensate for my sib.
4. Expect typical behavior - teasing name-calling, arguing and other forms of conflict are common among brothers and sisters - even when one has spec. needs.
5. Expect my sib to live as independently as possible.
6. I have the right to a safe environment.
7. Give me opportunities to meet other kids who have sibs with spec needs.
8. Give me as much info about my sibling's spec need as I want.
9. Bring me into the "loop" about my sibling's future.
10. Communicate with me and let me communicate with you.
11. Give me one on one time with you.
12. Celebrate my achievements and milestones.
13. Your perspective is more important than the actual disability.
14. Actively reach out to me.
15. Learn more about my life as a sibling.
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I've been reading alot about this lately. I've always said that J will NEVER be "typical" . I've heard so much advice from "family" about how to raise him and what to let him get away with and such. But truth is - he's as spec needs as she is. No one in our families have raised 1. a special needs child and 2. a special needs sibling. He IS special and "typical" discipline doesn't work on him anymore than it works on her. He's a mental battle and she's a physical one.
Right now I walk the tight rope of giving him info about her - letting him know that whatever his feelings are that they are OK - but also not creating a sib who treats her "different". Right now he just sees her as S - his sister. But the time is coming all too soon where he will realize she has some issues. I like the fact that he does push her to be like anyone else but I also want to give him a safe place to verbalize his feelings. Dang, this parenting stuff really blows sometimes.
Right now they both get about the same attention. But it will soon be more one sided. Even though I wonder just how J wouldn't rec. attention. He is just "on" all the time. :-)
He just cracks me up sometimes. I do hope I can maneuver this rope and end up with everyone being OK with 1. who they are 2. who each other is 3. who we (B& I) are.