Looser Mom

Boy have I been stinking up the joint lately.  First of all, I totally blew off Sal's bowling on Thurs afternoon.  At 5:00 (It starts at 4:30) it dawned on me that she had to be at bowling.  She was NONE too happy with me. 

Saturday I forgot her basketball practice.  She had social club later in the day and we got her to that.  When I picked her up she gets in and promptly says "you forgot to take me to baaaasketball".  CRAP. 

I really don't understand why.  I mean, I used to work and never missed anything.  Now, I'm at home - alone and I'm having problems.  I have always said that being a stay at home Mom was the hardest job and that's why I *went* to work - but I meant with kids at home.  I have no kids from 9-2:30.  Pretty much the same amount of time I had them before so nothing big has changed except I have time at home to do things.  Now, granted, I HAVE underestimated exactly how much time that is.  When I first lost my job/quit - whatever - I thought "OMG - I'll have all this time to really clean things and do things like paint and write....."   NOT.  9-2:30 *seems* like a very long time - it's not. 

I mean - it's ok to clean a room - not a kids' room but a bathroom or room where you don't need a dump truck backed up to the house.  And it's time to do laundry and get some dishes done - but it's not time to drag things out and have to put them back again because you have to get dinner going.  I have to work on a better schedule of what I'm doing each day.  I think I've let my guard down and haven't been as anxious about making sure I'm where I'm supposed to be - which has helped my health - just not my Mother skills.
:-)
Speaking of health.  I saw my Dr this week.  He talked me into a flu shot (no, he didn't have too talk much) and we talked about my spiritual health.  He had no religious affiliation on my records - I'm new to him - I saw his partner for the last 20+ years - but he's since moved....anywho...   We talked about my hesitance of naming myself Christian - being as how I'm not all that encompasses AND being that I HATE what Christianity has begun to stand for lately.  I know that's not true of all Christians - but then I ask - where is *their* outcry?  Where is their spokesman that says "We do NOT believe in this"???  Again, I digress. 

My Dr is awesome - we talked about how hypocritical some are and that going to a church does not make a person embrace everything about that religion.  That it is possible to keep one's own identity and beliefs within the church.  We even discussed my friend Peter (the apostle - my favorite) and how he felt this way about Paul (never cared much for Paul).  So, I'm feeling better about this.  I find my Dr very interesting - given he is a vegan, climbs mountains and is SO animated you would swear he was on stage.  He believes in Eastern medicine of mind but also endorses the flu shot and drugs of Western medicine.  I just felt better after seeing him.

Now all I need to do is get it together.  :-)

Swimming

Swim team practice tonight for Sal.  She LOVES to swim.  She smiles the entire time she's swimming.  Tonight Tommy's Mom and Kyle's Mom sat by me and we engaged in conversation.  Tommy is 11 and Kyle is 15.  Amazing how different our kids are.  Tommy wrote Sal's name today.  Sally can't write at all.  Sally talks ALL day long and Tommy won't utter a word.  Kyle can swim so well that you would not notice a difference at all but yet can't tie his shoes and has trouble with buttons. 

One thing that we as mothers all had in common - problems with people in our lives who think the kids' can be cured, or that they plain don't have a problem, or that we aren't doing a good enough job.  Lord, the advice people give you can really be tiring.  Or the people who shove the sunshine up your butt.  We all had an instance where someone was going to *show us* and turns out they got the lesson.  :-) 

We all have people in our lives who are ashamed of us and of our children.  It's kind of interesting because after meeting SO many Special Needs parents I've determined that we are some of the funniest and most insightful people I've ever met.  It's like the kids bring out the very best in us and seems we've all developed a very wicked sense of humor just to get through it all. 

As usual there was a "typie" (typical - as in parent to a typical child) parent there at swimming who thought our kids didn't need two lanes in the pool.  People like that really push my buttons.  I also love the stares that we get every week by someone in the locker room as I help Sal get dressed.  Both mother's knew what I was talking about.  It's nice to kind of have a bitch session once in a while.  I also got some great info about BHS from Kyle's mom .  And Tommy's Mom was so pleased that Tommy had written Sally's name today.  Made me feel good too.  Sally was pleased to hear that Tommy had thought of Sal at school today.

Swim meet coming up.  Sal got timed tonight.  Backstroke still needs work.  She's SO slow - but she's smiling ALL the way, it's so cute.  The kids all cheer for each other.  Sometimes I feel I'm doing a disservice to her by trying to get her to fit into our world - we should all try to fit into theirs - it seems SO much more pleasant.  :-)

What's that saying: "Sometimes your the hotdog maker and sometimes your the hotdog."  Or maybe it was ants or something.  I can't remember.  Lately I'm the hotdog - just constantly being picked at.  As Sal gets older she's actually more demanding AND we're hitting that *lovely* time of teenage-ness.  The talking back, the snide remarks.  Granted with Sal they're accompanied with "I'm sorry" but still.  Her verbal battle is exhausting. 

What's really crazy is that this "phase" of her's is really something to celebrate.  She is starting to think more for herself and to rebel.  But it's very hard to celebrate this when you're still dressing her and brushing her teeth for her.  Like I said, I'm feeling like the hotdog lately.  ;-)

Jack(and others) was honored at school with an A/B honor roll assembly.  I'm really proud of him because he does all his work on his own.:  The school year started and everyone (my friends) was complaining about homework  and how much there was of it and it occurred to me that my child was not bringing ANYTHING home.  I then emailed his teacher and asked her about this.  Come to find out, Jack's teacher allows times during the school day that the kids have free time - Jack (and others) do their work during this time!!!!!  I was STUNNED!!!  See, I'm the WORST procrastinator and Bill's not much better so for Jack to do this for himself is fantastic!  We had a talk with him and told him that he was more than welcome to make the decisions on when to do things on his own as long as his grades were good.  If they weren't then I'd have to empty his backpack each day and be on his butt.  So far, so good!  Since I'm so NOT a self-starter I am really impressed with him.  I so hope I don't rub off on him and rather maybe I can learn from him. :-)

Jack has lost patience more with Sal lately, too.  He yells at her all the time - which puts me over the edge.  I know he's frustrated but he still needs to learn to deal with her in a "human" way. 

I'll be listening to the Illini West (Carthage IL) game today.  They're playing in the Quarter Finals today.  Brad is talking the trash already this morning.  Him and Mick were both on my facebook making remarks.  Brad is looking forward to his school getting to State and Mick is looking for his kid's school to go too.  Thank God they're in different classes.  :-)  It's crazy to be playing High School football this late in the season, but it's fun too.  :-) 

Mrs Grimm's A/B Honor Roll Students

A Lesson Learned

HOPELights From your child with special needs: "I want the same things you want. I wish I moved faster, wish I could catch up. Wish I could tell you what frustrates me. As lonely as it gets for you, it is for me too. But most of all I wish I could tell you how much I love you. I hope you feel this when you are near." HOPELights♥

 

Strange how some things come all at once.  Yesterday, when taking Sal to bowling, Tommy's mom stopped me.  (Sally calls this boy Thomas)  She told me how much Tommy liked Sal because Sally always talked to him.  Tommy is 11 and is non-verbal.  It made me realize that the thing I've been on edge about lately (her CONSTANT talking) is what is making this boy's life better.  Because Tommy is non-verbal most kids give up - thinking he's stupid or mad at them - you know, who wants to be the one to do all the talking.  Enter SALLY!  :-)  

On the ride home I kept thinking about this and it dawned on me that I didn't even ask Tommy's Mom what HER name was.  It's strange how we, as Special Needs parents kind of keep to our self.  As I thought back I realize that at swimming we all have our own little corners we retreat to.  We don't tend to form bonding friendships like other parents who attend sports with their children.  I wonder why that is. 

Anyway, when I got home the above blurb was waiting for me in my inbox.  I think we're all lonely - we, as parents have SO much going on that friendship is really a hard thing to take on sometimes.  Any relationship needs to be tended and I think we get so consumed with tending to our Special Needs kids that when we are alone - we welcome it - we relish in it - we don't want to take on anyone else's "stuff". 

This is why I'm so VERY thankful for JBSRA.  They take Sal and engage her and give me a break.  They cherish her as I do and thus *I* get a break, knowing that not only is she learning but also having a great time and being cared for by someone who has patience with her. 

This week has made me appreciate the thing that bugs the heck out of me about Sal.  I remember distinctly how MUCH I worried that she would never talk.  I imagined a very hard life for her when she couldn't get her needs met because she wouldn't be able to communicate.  Now I worry about other things.  Mostly, I pray that I will live just one day longer than she does.  :-)