It's Starting

Getting into tax season. Seeing little signs of "crazy". :-) Hired a part time person for evenings and it wasn't someone with my name. :-) Why is it no one has your name until it doesn't come in handy.

We're on tooth watch. The boy has another one coming loose. I swear he's going to be a toothless wonder forever. The one that was knocked out from Preschool - still hasn't broke through. I'm getting just a little worried. Dad made a Dr appt for him - the headaches are getting worse. And figure Dr can look at his leg. Since he pulled his groin at camp he's been favoring it just a little. THAT was a trip. Think he can trip over air now - you should see him on crutches (or cruNches) as he says.

I ran into Gabby last night and BOY did I get a lot of questions answered. I'm SO happy to hear others are having the same problems I am - well, you know - not happy that we have problems but happy that I'm NOT loosing my mind. You start to wonder after a while. That damn NCLB crap is making teachers and school have aides that should be with special needs kids help out in class to get the class up to where the Govmt thinks they should be. Can I just SCREAM now?? Well, we don't have that exact problem with S but we do have a problem where she's ASKED to do her work!!!! WHAT ? I'm glad to know I'm not the only parent who is up in arms about this. There's talk about a Special Needs PTO for the district and having one Spec Needs parent on every PTO (which we already have). But I still think it's a GREAT idea.

So I didn't really get to see the urchins swim last night. J's teacher called me over to talk about J going down one level - I kind of thought that's where he should be anyway. I forget what "color" they are from year to year. I want him to have the basics down solid. And S - well she did fine - cheap therapy really.

Talked to L this morning - seems her and E were the only people at visitaion last night! I still can't believe that - just when you had the market cornered on goofy people. :-) Also found out that my hubby does have a heart. :-) He said some really nice stuff about me to her on Monday. Who knew he had it in him. :-) Looking forward to Saturday and our "family night" with the S's. We always have such a good time - and this time we have so much to talk about. :-)

S and I are both looking ahead to Easter - would like to ride again. When we were home at T-giving Storm wasn't feeling too good. M said she's better lately - putting on some weight. Plus there will be kite flying and hay rack ride. :-)

Oh the Things they Say!

The kids got gift cards in the mail yesterday and of course were anxious to spend them. When we went out to Wally World we discovered they had closed. Some long faces - but they managed to suck it up. We went to the grocery store where we purchased some LONG over due booze and some munchies for the NY's evening. As we were coming out almost to the car, J says "I'm not good.........I have something in my pants." My heart in my mouth - I cautiously ask "what do you have in your pants" (thinking the WORST) His reply?......"Snow'. Both B and I breathed a sigh of relief. He doesn't even have a clue about how many mini strokes he causes.

The girl is hysterical in her own right. At the store B suggested to her that she put her item on the bottom "that be a good idea, Daddy". She just so calmly disarms you and makes you wonder just *who* has the *problem*. She told me today that she has two nicknames "Daddy's pretty girl" was one. Which really shocked me. She's not normally moved or even cared about the whole pretty thing. I think she may be coming "out" more and more.

Webkinz not just for Kids

Ok - I'm just slightly addicted. DR and LJ gave the kids both a webkin and I set it up for them. Well, J's got sick and I've been in and out trying to get the thing to the Dr. It wouldn't load or something - so today at work I *finally* got it in there and got him all better! :-) I wish we would have had this kind of stuff when I was a kid. It's a lot of fun. J loves to buy stuff. S just likes to see what's going on. She likes Nick jr and stuff better.

Christmas Sucks

"She hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Now please don't ask why - no one quite knows the reason. It could be perhaps that her tree wasn't up, or that she was the only one to make the sup. Maybe because she miss her sister or was it because her heel had big blister. But whatever the reason the weather or mess she sat there on Christmas Eve hating the fest."

I have just really sucked the fun right out of Christmas this year! I was SO NOT prepared, I was SO NOT thinking ahead. I really DO forget how HARD it is to go places with S. J&L's was SO hard for her. We had many talks while we were there and she just doesn't get it. It makes things SO much harder. I think I almost "forget" that she is who she is. Ok - yeah we have the daily battles but for the most part - she's learned my routine - I've learned hers but when you go some place different it just comes CRASHING down on you - GLARING you in the face - I AM AUTISM and I have a HOLD on your little girl and sure, you've managed to cope with me almost beat me in YOUR setting - but I WILL be heard when on a different turf.

I have to get out more. I have to separate a little. I really think I'm burnt out and then there's MY whole thing about the holidays - my own little form of autism.

Aunt J's not coming up - S took it better than I thought she would. I did manage to get them in an additional day of camp and I've decided to take a whole day for me. Tax season starts soon and things will be WAY crazy so that may just be what the Dr ordered. Speaking of - we see Dr J on Friday and talk about some meds. I don't know what to wish for.

Then *I* need to find a Dr for me. Need an eye appt, and the annual mammogram. Bleck. SO much fun, fun, fun. :-)

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Choir Boy Sings

After GLUING hand made Cop outfit to his Jammies

Autistic Eyes

If I had a chance to see through her eyes
I wonder what I would see
A world in color mixed and mashed
Tie dyed and changed
An array of colors ever shade
Finer tuned and focused than the rest
Some find it alien
I find it beautiful
A world only she can see
Hidden behind her shaggy hair and blue moon eyes
That sparkles in the light like midnight stars
Shining far away in some place man hasn't
Discovered

Claire Smith

"What I Want You to Know About Me and My Autism

- I am inside.

- The words are there, the voice is not.

- Being autistic is a battle that stays.

- Your world hurts me.

- Sounds pay me visits after I leave them.

- I need autism to breathe.

- Autism is awful, but I am not awful.

- I act dumb but am smart. Please be my friend.

- We can't be friends when you hate autism.

- Be an explorer who finds treasure beyond the strangeness.
"Are Your Eyes Listening?" Sarah Stup

BOIL BLOOD BOIL

Reading my Autism "support" email today - O M G!!!!!! Complaints about yesterday's special needs party!!!! Their kids didn't get EXACTLY what they wanted AND they had to WAIT!!!! GASP!!! Poor little Precious had to WAIT! Are you kidding me????? Lord, give me the strength not to bash the heads in of parents who are more HANDICAPPED than their children ever will be!!!

I wonder just what it is that THEY volunteer for. I know for a fact they all live on the west side - so this means they HAVE money. It's not like this is the ONLY present little precious will receive!!! And as for waiting well - isn't your job to ENABLE your child to live in the REAL world - and GUESS WHAT???? That's right - special needs or not they're going to HAVE to wait sometimes!!!

Parents are SO ignorant sometimes!!!!!

Santa should send them some coal - if they put it up their butts --- well, they'd get diamonds! :-)

And my heart grew 3 sizes today!

JBSRA Christmas Party!!!!!! 'Nough said! Can I just say - those "pirates" know how to do it up right!!!!! Chicken soup = Goooooddd, Sandwich = Gooooodddd, cake and ice-cream = Gooooodddd! The company = out of this world!!!! Santa arrived by fire truck again. The kids are unbelievable! SO excited SO appreciative! They're all happy to be there. Really puts your life into perspective when that fire engine rolls around the parking lot and grown adults jump and shout! Always makes me bawl. Talked to Shanon today - she's looking forward to S being in Social Club. I'm really glad we put her in.

Ok, after this extravaganza we came home, put on the Christmas music and made candy! Can I just say serious baking has NOTHING on us!!!! We are GOOD candy makers - I mean it. J stayed and helped the whole time - over an hour. S did EVERYTHING except oven work. I was shocked!!!! And our trials only resulted in one failure - the mint trials = EXCELLENT!!!! We could work for Keebler, we're so good!

Then on to watch COPs and Goosebumps. Too funny! We've decided tomorrow we write Santa and send out Christmas cards. We have decided that it'd be best to clean up a little before that. ;-)

They've earned more than 40 chips this week so they get to pick from the prize bucket too. And who knows maybe we'll start the candy factory again. :-)

All Smiles at Meadowbrook

J's choir went to Meadowbrk Manner today and sang for the elders. They were SO good! They all smile and really get into it. Mr D is SO good with the kids. The old folks really got a kick out of them. I, of course, got all puddled up. I don't know why - but I can't watch them without bawling. :-)

We still don't have a tree up. I just now ordered some stuff for the kids online. We're talking about what to give who and B's idea for Aunt J was a 19 inch TV with a loooonnnnggggggg cable line. :-) I guess that way he won't see "Shadows". :o)

Christmas is SUCH a hard time for me. I just really dislike Christmas. I could SO easily go Pagan here.

Winterfest at school last night. That was a good time. We invested in the Book Fair again. :-) Can't say no when it comes to books. :-)

Work is getting crazy. Bossman is getting all tax season crazy on me. :-) I no longer need glasses. He invested in a new computer and the screen is about 27 inches! Seriously - I had to back up the other day when I went into IDOR. Crazy, man, crazy. :-)

I have THE coolest School!!!!

Went to my first JS Improvement/PBIS meeting. WOW!!! The ideas these people have are FANTASTIC!!! I was SO impressed. I mean - I always thought my school was the best but now I'm POSITIVE!!! All those a holes who criticize this district should sit in on a couple of these meetings!!! We have TWO sets of Mom/Daughter teachers. I didn't realize that. J's teacher is a daughter of a 2nd grade teacher we have and one of the Ana Room Teachers is a daughter to a 2nd grade teacher who has been at JS for 30 years!!!!!!! Not to mention there are over 4 teachers who have children in this school. I think that speaks VOLUMES.

We've only had 43 referrals since school began and since our population encompasses some of the apartment buildings - I think that's VERY good. I'm so very impressed with what they do with discipline and positive rewards. I can't WAIT till the next meeting. I just can't get over the wonderful ideas everyone came up with and all the work that they VOLUNTEER to do!!!! Reaffirms in me that I could NEVER be a teacher - they work WAY too hard!!!! :-)

On a different note. The boy was "sick" today. (see the link). This was him for about 20 minutes then all of a sudden he was all better. I told him he was VERY lucky that I had the day off already because if I would have called off work and then he was ok - I would HAVE to go nam on him. <- direct quote from Aunt L. :-)
Ugghhh - THAT one is a head case!!!!

S had a good day today. She's all about getting those Little People that she's been promised. She seemed really with it today and you should see her do the computer games downstairs!!! She can get herself on now too. I'm really impressed with her.

Don't call him Yellow

Unless of course, you're talking about his belt. J passed his yellow belt test in TKD. He really did well and the real kicker - he had to sit silently with other kids for over 2.5 hours!!! We are SO proud of him.

S stayed with Aunt L. I felt bad because I honestly didn't think it would be that long. And it was FREEZING!!! B and I decided next time to bring some wood and make a fire - also some weenies and marshmellows. :-)

I volunteered to be on the Improvement Com for JS. We have our first meeting tomorrow - I'm anxious to see what it's all about.

B put up some of the Christmas stuff outside today. J was outside most all day!!! S is coming down with a cold I think. Her whiney voice is starting to get hoarse.

Team meeting this Thurs. THAT ought to be interesting. I WANT MS G BACK!!!!

Christmas, Smishmas

Ugghhh - can I just say how much I dislike Christmas. There's just WAY too much to do normally let alone add on the whole decorations, cooking, card writing - it's just too overwhelming.

The kids are having a great time with the Advent calendar. Of course the excitement makes them wake at 6:30 - so say goodbye to any quiet alone time in the morning.

I've helped with Book Fair the last two days and I've loved it. I should be a librarian. Well, maybe just for kids' books. :-) The new thing seems to be the Wimpy Kid Diary or Diary of a Wimpy Kid - something like that and Coke or Pepsi. We sold out of both VERY quickly.

The kids are so cute "Aren't you J's Mom?" "Hi S's Mom". I have no identity anymore - just known by who my kids and husband are.

Also got a call to be on the School Improvement committee. I said I would. We meet Monday already!!! Ought to be interesting. Got to talk to S's favorite guys - Quinn and Nicky - they are TOO funny.

Got my paperwork done today - now I have to spend ALL day tomorrow and reclaim the house.

J's belt test is tomorrow also. THAT ought to be VERY interesting. So we'll sign him up again and I swear I'm going to get S into a swimming class if it kills me. It's just too good a therapy at too good a price to pass up. Who knows, it might improve her behavior too. ;-)

Calendar Nazi strikes again

7:00 am this morning ---- ALL of our calendars have been changed and December events written down. That's right she's up and she's on a mission: "It's not November anymore". Gotta love her.

She's been "sick". Really she's constipated. Our trip south screwed up our poop schedule and she held "things"- so now we're paying for it. She threw up yesterday and I kept her home from school. She was NOT happy!!!! But she got over it and we watched Dora and took a nap with Rexie. By the time Dad got home she was raring to go. I had to go in to work and finish stuff so her and dad hung out and then walked to school to get J. She was very pleased to be able to do that.

In the morning, after she had gotten sick - I cleaned her up and as I was changing her she had a strange look on her face and I asked her if she needed to throw up again. "No thank you" was her reply. Later on, while she was resting on the couch, Rexie came up and started meowing. S said "Rexie, be silent - I'm sick". She cracks me up.

J was unbelievable! He was SO concerned for S. He rubbed her back and told her it was going to be ok. B came home and took J to school. As J climbed into the truck he told his Dad: "S threw up and I had to leave the room because she made me want to throw up." He is DEF a man! :-)

Gpa called this morning to see how his gal was doing. We should all be so sick. We just need to get "things" "through" and we'll be fine. Lots of errands to do today and they're calling for some real nasty weather. Gpa says it's already very slick there. I just hope we can get to the "Pretty Lights" today and see Santa or we're going to have a very upset little girl.

Only the Shadow Knows

Ok - *I* find this SO funny. B thought he saw a shadow on the wall of our bedroom at Aunt J's house. Now, I will admit that the dogs were going crazy in the garage. But I just figured it was an animal or something traveling through the yard. But B swears it was a person - and he saw the shadow. Even when I asked him - now how could anyone get out here without a vehicle? Plus it was cold that night - and snowing. I think his imagination is on overtime. J and I can't figure out how anyone can be freaked when they grew up in the "city".

What a GREAT time we had this holiday! We started with B-fast at Gma and Gpa's as usual. Then on to Aunt J's and a little down time. Thursday brought in all the usual players. All the kids - and boy, did they have a good time. Mad Dog did NOT wnat to leave that night. K&L stayed overnight and S went home with the Grans. J and L (who are cut from the same cloth) were thick as thieves and B and K were buds all night. Then on Friday we took all the kids to Bonkers and Mick met us there with his 2. Again - they all had a GREAT time! Casonoes after that - then K-mart and ended with a trip though the avenue of lights - all of which totally thrilled the kids.

Saturday we got K&L early and B and I and S went into town to the Grans and got some meat and stuff from the Windmill. Then to McComb and shopping. My sister then put on a big spread for us and Tod's. THAT was a lot of fun too. Those guys stayed till about midnight. We (the girls') beat the guy's butts in Tribond. We have the best time with those guys. They're SO like us - as parents and such.

My kids's got to see first hand how to clean out stalls and shovel manure. Or scoop poop as Stinky L would say. :-) The teachers will have a LOT to hear on Monday. It was pretty when we put the horses in the first night- it had just started snowing and there were big flakes blowing around through the lights above the stable. Bubba had to be first (as always) - I get so tickled watching him. He's the smallest but the orneriest - ruling with kick or a nip. Storm is loosing weight and no one knows why. She's so sweet - but you can just see in her eyes that she's just not quite right. The other kids are just their normal selves. They all stood and watched on Saturday morning as Gma/Aunt J played jail with K,L and J. She caught all of them and *they* quit before she did. (did you really ever have a doubt) :-)

So here we sit - watching the game, in front of the fireplace, waiting for Pizza to be delivered. S is in her room - making sure no one disturbed her people while we were gone and J is down at Tommy's. We go back to bread and water tomorrow. My God, we ate enough to kill a small bull.

I really love going south. J said this morning what I was thinking "but I don't want to go home". I wasn't quite ready myself. It's just fun to do nothing - to just visit and laugh and kid around. Not to mention having someone feed you all the time. My sister is a cooking fool and she says she likes it. I don't know - not me - I suck at cooking. I'm trying to take some mental notes from her. S would love it if I could make gravy like she does. :-)

What a happy, happy Thanksgiving. Thanks to everyone!

The Mouse King

We made it through the yearly performance of Nutcracker that we go to every year. S did REALLY well - of course we ALL bribed her - school and us. :-) J loves it and never has a problem sitting still and being quiet.

During the week S told me "You're a nice lady" as I combed her hair to the side. And J asked "What if I cheat?" When we told him it was time to play by himself. The stuff that comes out of their mouths is so funny sometimes.

I had team meeting this week. Things are going better at school lately. Thank God - I was just about to my breaking point with all the bad news. J of course has stepped up his nasty game. He's been on a green card streak lately. Also told a child he hated him. ugghh. Drives me nuts - that boy.

Report cards came out and as usual J has done VERY well - several E's which means he exceeds the district standards. But of course - since he IS J - he "needs work" on "self control" and "following directions". No duh. :-) He has a tendency to rush through things too. The problem is that - the answers are RIGHT! ugghh - can't even count on natural consequences to help me out with that boy.

S is all excited about T-giving coming up and going to Aunt J's. I saw this morning in her room that she's even packed a couple of animals in a old back pack that is SUPPOSED to be in the closet. Just try and take off without *that* girl.

So Bolingbrook is in the news again. Drew Peterson's wife, Stacy, has disappeared and there is media all over his street (so I hear). He's been on Today and Fox News. We're pretty much all over the nation. Robin, on my Oct list had heard of the case. I guess the really weird thing(s) are that 1. his 3rd wife (Stacy is his 4th) died of "drowning" but in looking at the coroner's report they have re-opened the case - because it seems to be consistent with a staging of an accident. Plus his 2nd wife has come forward and declared she was scared to death of him and the 3rd wife (drowning victim) had written to just about anyone who would hear that if she disappeared they should look to him first. I don't know - hate to say "guilty till proven innocent" - but this one seems true - either that or he is one UN lucky man. He says the wife took off with another man. She had two kids and had adopted his from the other marriage. Her oldest was 4 - there's NO way any woman would have left two that little. She would have taken them with. So again - this horrific stuff reaches my little world.

Tim S's wife/murderer is being tried right now. She's claiming she was abused verbally and passively by him withholding affection. There's a LOT of men that should be dead if THAT was all it took to turn a woman. Palease! I just don't get it . But as I was thinking about these two cases today it occurred to me that murders like this - esp spouses, seem to think they are WAY smarter than anyone else. The rest of us say stuff like - sure, there's times I'd have like to kill him but I never would - much less would I be able to cover it up --- but not them - they think they are smarter. Because look at all the cases where they have solved the case - look at all of them who have gone to jail. But not these people - *they* are smarter.

It's a VERY sad situation - not only is it the two involved in the marriage - but the kids and then the rest of the family. Mom, Dad, sister, brother - even us - the friends of Mom or the killed. It puts a big hole in the atmosphere.

It's strange how someone you don't know affects you. Every time I drive up to park at work and look at those woods - instead of seeing the beauty of the fall I keep looking in to see if I can see a body or anything. Haunting.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-----Robert Frost


I was introduced to this poem though song in High School. I loved it - still do - but looking back at it - it has a HUGE message for me right now. I HAVE taken the road less traveled. Even though it might not have been my choice. Little did I know then just how much this poem would resemble my life.

I am not the first traveler for sure. The first were those women whose plight was so misunderstood - they were judged, they were torn away from their children. I can't tell you how my heart goes out to them and the debt I feel to them.

Travel - keep on keepin' on. Perfect analogy for this life. Traveling, never feeling "at home". Seems like every thing that we find that "works" - does so only for a short time.

Today was a bad day again - according to school. I'm getting so frustrated. Some things are really going gangbusters - the conversation, the way she helps herself, but the behavior is just got me stymied.

She was Cinderella tonight at the Halloween (Fall Fest) Party at school. JES does the BEST job at school functions. I'm always amazed how many people show up to help, plan and what a great job they do. J was a Power Ranger. *He* was given the liberty to roam the school as he wanted. Dad had to run the golf game and I had S (who slows J down) :-) So I gave him some tickets and gave him the "lecture". (Under NO circumstances are you to leave this building EVER). :-) He didn't stray too far - needed more tickets. :-)

S and I spent a lot of time in the Cake Walk - her favorite and no, she didn't win. Strange - since she seems to win most everything of chance like that. They both had a ball. J won the paddle ball that he was trying so hard to win and S got several suckers that seem to make her very happy.

On the job front it's been a good week. I had all the quarterlies done last Friday and MIR left Wed for Cancun - his exact words were "if the place burns down, I'll read about it in the news". ;-) So with all my work pretty much done - (always monthly stuff to do)- I'll be having a couple of days of leisure. Even managed to run payroll Thurs - EVERYONE - in about 4 hours!!!

Tomorrow is TKD and a couple of parties. I haven't announced the parties yet - I heard enough tonight before the Halloween Fest - I sometimes wonder if blood is coming out of my ears. :-)

Somedays it's just too overwhelming

Have had a LOT of those days lately. First - I'm NOT going to get to go to the Yuen Seminar that I was so hopped up about. Birthday party - Halloween party and other commitments. :-/ Can I just say how ticked I am!

Had S's Project Choices Mapping. I'm not REAL sure it was that productive. I came out of it kind of depressed. I have to stop myself and the team sometimes and realize just what we have accomplished in a very short amount of time.

Progress on the Autism report - S can now joke back and forth:
"Good night, booger" <-Dad
"If you call me a booger again - I'm not going to school tomorrow." <-S
"Oh really, why not?"
"Cause boogers don't go to school."
I think this is HUGE. Look up anything on Autism - she isn't supposed to *get* that. I think between Daddy and Ms G she has been "taught" how to do this. :-)

J and I had an argument on Sunday about the TV. I said "I'm going to watch pre-game, J - you can go to my room and watch Spongebob"
He comes back out of my room saying it's not on in there and we go back and forth - finally I say "J - I'm not arguing anymore - I'm the Mommy and I'm going to watch pre-game - when you are the Daddy you can watch whatever you want"
"But I won't like it then" <-J Gotta love that boy.

As I walked the kids to school today - I stopped to talk to J and say goodbye and S went on with her friends. As I trailed behind I got a glimpse of how things might be when I'm gone. I liked what I saw. She was in the middle of 3 girls and was holding her own on conversation. I can feel how that weighs on me. I feel it right in my chest. I wonder if other Mom's worry SO much about dieing. Someone told me that God wouldn't do that. I don't know.

We were invited to Big J's birthday party and of course B doesn't want to go. Not real sure why. I've tried to convince him several times but I give up. Even cancelled my Yuen thing. (grrrrr) I figure it's his decision. There's only so much I can do in that setting.

I've got the urchins all on my own this weekend. Happy Birthday to me! :-/ Figure we'll clean up the yard this weekend - promises to be really nice. I'm kind of hoping this holds out through Thanksgiving. I'm really looking forward to a break from the rat race.

There's Always Room for Jello

Everyone got haircuts this weekend. J got his spiked - so now he needs "jello". "Do I look cool with Jello in my hair?" His command of the English language is hysterical.

He had a raging headache again on Saturday night. Not to mention a really weird rash on some of his body. He's just a weird little boy.

Some of you readers already know about my father's addiction to solitaire - for the rest of you I'll fill you in: My father has played solitaire every morning since ... well, for as long as I can remember. He keeps a deck right by his chair in the kitchen and even keeps score on a little notebook that he keeps with the cards. He has gone through many decks in my lifetime. The cards get all curved in from all the use. My point in telling you this??? Well, guess who is playing solitaire every morning? That's right the other J. Just like his name sake he sits at the table and plays hand after hand. My mother taught him how to play when he was staying with them this summer and now that's his thing. It's so cute.

The weather has turned cooler here and not everyone is very happy about it. S wanted to wear shorts this morning. Had to talk her down from her suicidal position. :-) J didn't seem phased by it. He just wears what ever I bring him. Typical man.

Everyone is excited about the approach of Halloween. They've been looking at everyone else's decorations.

No one *gets* it

I just walked the knee biters to school and on the way home I walked with a lady down the street. Her husband has a beautiful old car in his garage that he has restored and B has been down there several times. I've never spoke to her except the usual "good morning" "beautiful day, huh" "hot enough for you" what all good neighbors say.

She asked me about S this morning. She told me that her Johnny was in a home down state - beautiful place. He has CP. She told me about how he make .10 for every can he crushes and that he made about $4.00 one day. She said the people at work look at her weird when she tells them - but she *knew* I would understand.

Her Johnny is almost 40. She is one of the Mom's I owe a debt to. The ones who came before me and demanded things for their children when there was nothing. The Mom's who were REALLY alone!

I cried as I walked home. I'm not sure why. If it was greif for what her and I have lost or touched by a kindred spirit or happiness over celebration over another Mother's joy that the rest of the world will never *get*.

This life is so tough that sometimes emotions come out and you're stumped as to where that even came from. You push so much down and away to just deal with every day life that the bubbles rise to the top and explode sometimes.

Spiders

The boy read a book about spiders to me this morning. On one of the pages it said that some spiders eat other spiders. "Why do they do that? Are they spiders they don't know?"

Like if you eat a stranger that would be more understandable than eating say... a relative. :-) He's too funny. He's reading pretty well and he loves to do it.

S made her thank you cards today so I now need to send them out. She's doing better in school. Not near as many shout outs.

The *gang* is playing school here at night. I'm going to have to re-vamp the evening schedule so we can get some things done at night too. Even though mornings do seem to go well when we read and do some writing. I don't know......

"How do you know THAT song?"

J is constantly almost ticked off when I know songs. He came home with "All Night, All Day" yesterday and when I started to sing along I got the "How do you know that?" SO indignant. :-) I forget that I'm suppose to play the "dumb ol' Mom" who doesn't know anything, anyone or go anywhere. ;-) He loves to watch those shows where you have to fill in the rest of the song after you hear the beginning. Again, I get chastised if I know any. But yet he likes that I know all the words to "American Pie". Which we have sang at*least* 1200 times. :-)

Had S's team meeting Thurs. It went well. We're trying for writing again this year. Her reading is about at 1st grade level - which is right on target for where she was last year. She seems to be settling in to the routine - but I did pick something up from Mrs G that they were ALL on track now - meaning all the teachers were done with their rooms - I think S picked up on ALL that anxiety and that's what was causing the outbursts. I didn't voice my opinions - better to keep that between me and my guru Ron. :-)

So I found a class in Hinsdale at the end of Oct and I'll be signing up. I can't wait. Ron says there's also sessions on Monday nights and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. Ummm - YEAH!!!!! The whole thing interests me SO much.

I've also decided that we'd TRY dairy free with S. That Dr's voice of my Mom's keeps sounding in my head over and over. "Yes, Mrs B - but you don't know what's going on in her *brain*." So Jenny M be damned!

Boy the house is one big piece of CLUTTER! Is there ANY paper in the world that isn't in this house???? That and clothing! Need to do power laundry today and tomorrow. I hate laudry. I've got to get my brain into a better dimension on that one.

Go back to your toilet, Jenny McCarthy!

Damn this chick annoys me!!! Her child is CURED! Bull shit! And it's so hard for her financially! OMG! She's not only someone who sells herself for money (her "beautiful" naked pictures) but now she sells her child. Ugghhh.

The thing is - if it works for her - fine - but it DOESN'T for all of us. #1 My child was autistic from birth. #2 My child is NEVER sick. Seriously - she RARELY even gets the flu and when she does it NEVER lasts more than a day. #3 This wench (McCarthy) makes autism so trivial. Talk about a bad rep. DAMN! #4 She has no other children and so her attention is NEVER divided! She doesn't have a clue!!!
But what's new - famous people telling the "real" world what we *should* be doing.

I'd like to personally invite her to live "real" life with an autistic person. No nanny, no Jim Carey (or his money) no private school, no entourage, no personal assistants, cooks, you name it. Lets see what she'd have to say THEN. She makes me want to barf!

Dr Yuen? Heck YES I'm in!!!

I went to the seminar about the Yuen method of Chinese Energetics! It was FANTASTIC! I am SO a believer! I actually felt the knot in my stomach when S was upset and I felt a huge core of strength and a warmth all through my body. It makes SO much sense!!!

And the wildest part is that my friend Ron (the meat and potato's person) is the one that introduced me to it! We just had a GREAT time!!!

It's been (another) Hard Days Week

Whew - it's been a loo loo!!!! The good thing - it's GOT to get better. :-)

REALLY looking forward to the Dr Yuen thing tomorrow. I'm hoping to restock my bag of tricks. :-) Ok, sue me for overusing that phrase lately. :-)

J got to "buy" snack today. You would have thought I gave him the world. Now his idea is to "buy" every "T" day (as in Tuesday and Thursday). I vetoed it with "how about every other Friday". I got the usual spaghetti leg whine about how horrible his world is.

Vision and Hearing again today. I will say it again and again and again. Teachers just DON'T make enough!!! I can't tell you how many tests I had to interrupt to get kids. It was chaotic for a while this morning. The small ones are cute, the older ones can be an endless source of information. :-)

It's been SO warm lately. But we've shut off the air and since it gets nice at night I've been leaving it off. Poor animals are passing out from heat during the day. :-)

Tae Kwon (how) Do I LOVE it!!!

Had our first lesson on Saturday. I LOVE it! It's everything J needs!!!! And he loves it too. He cried at first. They don't really explain at first and do the shouting and bowing thing and I think it freaked him out ----- BUT he didn't come running to me AND he sucked it up and continued. I was so proud of him.

Aunt J came in on Friday - we walked down to get S and J and S was beside herself with happiness. Skipping and beaming from ear to ear to see "Joel". Then we went out to eat and they all sang Happy Birthday to her and she just smiled all over herself.

B did his garage sale this weekend. It went very well. Before we left for school J wanted to sell his jacket...............that he had ON! Oh, this boy.

Saturday night we went to Chuckie's place. We had a really nice time, even though the service was horrible! S was VERY pleased.

So the weekend was a lot of fun.

Things are tough

Life has become very difficult lately. The same old thing - 1 step forward - 2 steps back. I feel SO much anxiety when we walk to school - what I'm going to hear from the teachers, S is really having a tough time lately. Home is the same way. More accidents, so much screaming, tantruming. She's getting so much harder as she gets older.

I'm just so angry. So tired. So frustrated. I feel like I'm just "out of it". It seems like my bag of tricks is empty.

On a happier note - we celebrate 10 years tomorrow. She's decided it's Chuck E Cheese this year. I hope that after all the hoopla is over - she can settle down and we can progress this year.

J, on the other hand seems to have found his niche. He's on a white card streak. Everyday, when I pick him up from daycare, he's all happy to announce how he got another white card. At home, we need to buckle down. He's getting away with too much. I'm drained from S and I'm not on top of my game. A critical mistake when dealing with J.

He Tried Lettuce

.... and since he wasn't sure if it was lettuce or celery ........ he put some in his POCKET so he could bring it home and show me!!!!!! Oh, J is a treasure!! :-)

We all sat and watched the parade on Sunday. We figured it was prob the LAST parade that we *could* all sit together. We had a REALLY nice time!

S had a really rough time in church on Sunday (it was FISH Sun) and you have SEEN the STARES!!! I wasn't sure if he was new or not but at one point I even mouthed "can I help you". It was HORRIBLE! He was in front of us and kept turning back so much that the lady in back of him turned too to see what he was looking at. Plus, it wasn't the sermon or anything - I don't know I was just ticked!!!

B&I taught our first class together. We only had two students. I was very surprised that they want to do memory work of bible verses!!! It was THEIR suggestion.

We did Market Day yesterday. Again, a good time. It would help SO much if I could speak Spanish. This has been brought to my attention by SEVERAL instances this last week. Now, to find a class that will fit my schedule and start with the BASICS!

God gives you a kiss in heaven

S started talking about heaven yesterday and as she described who all was there she then said "God gives you a kiss when you get to heaven." I thought that was so cute. Sometimes she's SO "with it".

We watched J's football game yesterday. That was nice. He does very well. He really seems to like it too. It's always so nice to see L&E. B and J went to do his Tiger scout thing with Public Works. I really think they both had a great time.

We had the conspiracy over this week. It's so strange and I really don't understand the "game". They did their "usual thing" and they always have a nice time together. Which I'm so happy to see. We did the White Fence Farm thing - that was really nice. We haven't been there for so long.

I'm really starting to worry about J. He's so out of control sometimes. So disrespectful. The rules really need to be tighter on that boy.

There are SO many in her corner

S has been doing so well in her big girl pants. You wouldn't believe the amount of support we've gotten with her lately. Everyone is so happy for her.

RL and I are going to try and go to a session on Dr Yuen. I'm really kind of excited about it.

I also opened my mouth today and now am helping with vision and hearing screening tomorrow. So much for taking it easy this week. :-p Where was my head????

S's disorder is very prominate this year. 4th grade is such a HUGE step and for her even more so.

I'm Invisable

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the
phone?"
Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or
sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one
can see
me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you
tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock
to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What
number is
the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes
that s tudied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -
but now
they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's
going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return
of a
friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous
trip, and
she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting
there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard
not to
compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style
dress;
it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair
was
pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell
peanut
butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me
with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a
book
on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd
given it
to me until I read her insc r iption: "To Charlotte , with admiration
for the
greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I
could
pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we
have no
record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a
work they
would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no
credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes
of God
saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are
you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by
the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because
Gods ees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the
sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of
kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've
baked, is
too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great
cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease
that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own
self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I
keep
the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of
the
people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to
work on
something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book
went so
far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
becau s ethere are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in
the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey
for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd
built a
shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.
And
then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're
gonna
love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will
marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added
to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM

"I barely got sick once..."

I got the whole "you don't go to school if you're sick" reasoning tonight at bedtime. J is WONDERFUL at stalling and will usually bring up quite a rousing idea right at bedtime. Tonight was "I don't want to go to school tomorrow" (After I said, Good night my first grader). So after I said - yes, you'll go to school tomorrow - he came up with the "not if I'm sick" routine.

"Oh, yeah, not if you're sick. But if you're sick you don't get to play either - even after school is over."

"What if I'm feeling better?"

"Nope, if you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play - even at night"

"But I'd get to do stuff at home - like watch tv"

"Well, no, not really because you'd have to stay in bed and there's no tv in your room. You could listen to the radio."

"Oh, well, I barely got sick ..... once. I don't get sick"

"No, you don't get sick..... Goodnight, J."

"Good night Mom"

You can just hear the wheels turning in there - trying to figure out another topic that will maybe put him in control again.

The wild thing about children is that all in one evening they can have you in stitches laughing, screaming your lungs out AND hugging the stuffing out of them. Esp. that boy. He is a wild roller coaster ride for a parent.

She's Done WELL!!!

VERY well. S has been in big girl undies all week. We went to pick up J today (4 hours round trip) and we had NO accidents!!! When we got home she and J went to play with T and when she came RUNNING in she had just a little in her pants but went a TON more on the toilet. Sorry, I know this is graphic but after 9 years of changing her diapers this is a HUGE success.

J was glad to be home. He said to T "Didn't you miss me,boy?" He was down there all afternoon. They (T&V) came over for dinner tonight and then we took them and ours to meet up with L&E (&Co) to watch fireworks. (Parky's last blast) And finally ice-cream for the ride home. So I think J's re-entry was a good one. :-)

I'm so hoping that we've seen the end of pull-ups. I don't mind doing it at night. We'll tackle that one later. But as of right now I think she's good to go for undies at school. They may have to *nudge* her strongly to go but I think it can be done!

10 Reasons to give thanks for you child with special needs.

Thanks again to my fun little friend, Nancy for sharing stuff she finds:

1. You never have to worry about worrying over nothing.
Let other parents obsess over the frivolous and the shallow. Your child will make sure you always have something worth to worry about.

2. Developmental delays = more years of hugs, kisses and little-kid sweetness.
My 13 year old still wants to sit on my lap, give me hugs, and tell me he loves me. What Mom of a sullen teen doesn't secretly wish for the same?

3. Maybe someday, Ty Pennington will come build you a house.
He, Extreme Makeover; Home Edition loves families of children with special needs. Your little one may be your ticket to a lavish living space.

4. Any little milestone is a cause to throw a party.
Your child works hard for every step, sit up and syllable, giving you lots to be excited about. (Boy don't I know it - ever heard of a poop party???)

5. Every day is a learning experience.
Somedays it's a pop quiz, somedays it's a crash course, but life with your child is always an education, for sure.

6. You have the privilege of putting severl doctors' children through college.
After paying for all those appointments, you may feel like a one-family scholarship foundation. Put your child's name on some letterhead and take pride.(ok, I almost spit on myself. If this isn't the truth!! I just may do this.)

7. You meeet a better class of parent in waiting rooms and support groups.
Your child frees you from having to hang out with those snotty parents on the playground, and gives you entry into an exclusive club of people who are sensitive, sarcastic, and sure of their priorities. (and all waiting rooms turn into support groups)

8. You have an iron-clad escape excuse for any occasion.
You'd love to stay at that boring party, crowded event, endless church service, but you know, your child just can't tolerate it. (And sometimes it's you who can't tolerate it --- who's to know?)

9. Coming up with new strategies every day keeps your brain sharp.
They say doing crossword puzzles helps ward off Alzheimer's. Figuring out your child's schedules and treatments and lessons and rights and restrictions must easily provide twice the protection. (I figure I'm home free on the "you've suffered enough" scale)

10. Your blessing will always be fully counted.
Other parents may take the gifts that their children bring for granted. Not you. Not EVER. (Sing it sistah! You sure got that right!!!)

My "CRAPPY" Week

We started on Monday with an enema. Today we did a suppository. All the while I fill her full of laxative and Metamucil type stuff. S did VERY good yesterday. Today - not so well. We've had about 3 poopy pants and one was WAY bad. She's still trying to hold it. I can see what the Dr meant when he said it would probably take around 3 months or so. But I tell you - I was really hoping yesterday was the start of something GREAT! Oh well, one step forward - 2 back - what else is new.

So my day is spent following herself around and being on poop watch. She really does seem to thrive on the attention. Between her talking CONSTANTLY and the endless drivel of kid's cartoons - I'm just about ready for the rubber room.

S slept in J's room last night. She put her Spongebob in her bed and started the tape and then went to J's room. She's so funny.

J is having a good time. We talked to him on the phone today. He went with Mom and Lois yesterday to get her treatment. I guess he did VERY well. Not sure what was on their agenda today.

Tilt A -- a a a arrrrggghhhhh!!!!!

J had a BLAST on all the rides - S was a little more "reserved". They got to ride about an hour before the rain came in. That stunk. We got something to eat and watched it rain for a while before calling it a day.

T&V came over. That made J happy. They played computer and "school".

I took J down 1/2 way on Sunday. Ran in to TORRENTIAL rain! Lord, it was bad. J read to me on the way and we sang. It always amazes him "how do you know that song?" He just refuses to believe that his Mom was once pretty hip. :-)

So it was S and I on Sunday night. B had to work the fest. We played Mancala and while we were playing B called and invited us to an ice-cream and a lemon-aid shake up. So at 9:00 we ventured out in the rain and had a sweet snack. :-)

S seems to really like the one on one attention. It's so nice to be able to have one of them go and concentrate on the other.

All 9 Rounds

That's what J's lip looks like. He got about 9 stitches last night. At camp they were playing tag and he landed in the bleachers. I didn't think it looked too bad - until he moved the gauze a different way and I saw MEAT hanging. Ugghh. So we headed to BMC and they put in stitches. He did SO well. He fell asleep in the waiting room and then when the 3 inch needle came in he didn't even freak - until they inserted it - but he didn't even need a papoose or to be held down. I was VERY proud.

Dr G (dentist) got him in this morning. Looks like he lost a couple of teeth (the counselors only gave me one tooth) and there's one more VERY loose. But Dr didn't seem too concerned. "Kids are palpable, their bones are soft for a reason" :-) He wants to see J in about 10 days he'll take an xray then. He thinks nature will take care of any impacting or broken chips in there. So that was good news.

We filled J's Rx for Amox today and I came to realize - he's NEVER had an Rx before! 6 years old and med free!! :-)

Just back from registration for school. J has a new teacher and we knew who S was getting. I'm excited - I think they are too. Heard that they have rectified the problem we had with daycare. It's going to cost us more - but I think it will be ok. We'll try it and see what happens. I like the idea of S staying at the school. I just hope the new company can make a positive difference. So $350 later- we're all ready for school.

"Good-bye J's Mom"

I hear this as I'm bending down to kiss J goodbye at camp. Little Drew is playing with the beads on my necklace and saying this. He's a character. J has 2 boys in his group that were in his class at school and one boy who was on his tee-ball team.
So they sit on the curb and play U-Gi-Oh cards until the counselors are ready for the day.

Only 7 couselors for 10 groups today. I wished Tatti good luck. :-) They really are a good group of "kids". She goes to Western. I told her that was my neck of the woods - had just been down there last week. She's a cutie.

Some problems with S and after school daycare. Why can't things EVER run smoothly? The school has turned daycare over to a private company who - in the interest of the almighty $ cuts staff down to nothing and so S would not have an aide. We could hire one - $15 an hour. Not that I think that's unreasonable - I just can't afford it with the usual - it would end up being $21 per hour. So we're going to see if K can take her. Damn. Just when you think things are going to work out ok and no big hurdles this year. Yeah, right. In the world of "special needs" - it's not heard of. There's ALWAYS *something*.

Yaaaaawwwwwnnnnn

Why is it the boy gets up more in the night at age 6 than he ever did as a baby. Granted his big belly of over 10 pounds made it easy for him to sustain through the night but now it's ridiculous. He's up at least 2 times a week. He gets within inches of your face and says "Mom". You jump and then see this face peering at you. "Can I sleep with you?" You have to either slide into the middle of the bed and be squished or escort him back to his bed with water and reset the CD. ugghhh. Disturbed sleep SO sucks!!!

Gene and I will be truckstering south tomorrow. I think we're both pretty excited. Another 4 hour drive. I'm getting to be quite the Driving Miss Daisy guy - what was his name? :-)

My sister, J is down there now - look for LJ to arrive too. It's salsa making time. Mom's party ought to be fun. I think all the cousins are coming. I haven't gotten to visit with a lot of extended family for a while.

Plus - NO getting up early on Sunday!!!! No little faces peering at you in the dark. !!!!!! Can you say HEAVEN!!!!!!

But I need to clean out the car - it's a MESS!! Still have doggie prints on the side where Chunk left a love note in the dust from the gravel road. :-) MR always gives me grief about my car. Yeah, well, it's just a *little* worse than the house. Now, that should scare you. :-)

S's Dr appt on Monday. REALLY looking forward to that. I hope he can give us some hope on the potty horizon! :-)

Did hear from Laura that Marissa is having behavior problems too. So it's not just S. It's always to have company in the "I've had it with my kid" camp. :-)

Stole a bike (and a scooter and a go cart) and away they WALKED

God Lord. Between the times of 3:45 and 4:30 two children stole these items AND a girl down the street saw them doing it! Can you believe that!!! We made a police report this time. This is crazy. It's like the 20th scooter and the like 4th bike!

Went truckstering to get my haircut today. It was fun. Looks like Harry will probably start doing hair in her house soon. That will be cool. Harry is like a good friend now.

Sade got her haircut and S got her's done yesterday. Sade looks so cute. They all love her at the groomers. Say she's so good and never barks and holds so still. Everyone loves Sade.

Looking forward to the weekend. I think Aunt L is too. A whole day and night with no kids. Loooooovvvve it. But I have to make sure sales tax AND payroll is done before I leave. Bleck.

Good to be back.

It's good to be back at work. I do think I was missed. Since he said I had been gone for like a month! :-) We got a new GL program. Well, more like updated and changed around. :-) It'll take a while to get as fast as I was on the old one. It is cool though. Like Quicken it remembers your entrys and puts them in for you when you start to type. Also I don't have to worry about starting new files for new months - hence no wrong dates----- LOVE that!!!

S has had a rough weekend and couple of days. She made it VERY easy to go back to work. Her behavior was just WAY out there this weekend. At breakfast she went VERY autistic with tantrums and everything. :-/ Got the "looks". We usually don't have that much problem. I don't know what's going on with her.

Mr C did a FANTASTIC job for us with Rexie and the house and all. He fed her and changed her litter and even came in a played with her several times. We're so blessed with great neighbors.

Day off tomorrow. And get this - was able to get S into Dr J on MONDAY!!! I'm so pumped about that. I SO hope I won't be disappointed.

J&L gave B some stuff from his Dad. We had a good time looking back though all the pictures I had sent plus a couple of B when he was young. J couldn't believe he wasn't born when S was. He's such a goober.

We've been having war about what he takes for lunch. He "doesn't like hot grapes". Uggh. No, he "doesn't want watermellon or strawberries". If a fruit or veggie ever makes it into that body I'm sure it will take root in all the garbage in that gut.

Po Dunk Vacation

OH My Goodness!!! We just had the BEST time. We always do - but we did so many new things this time. We left here on Friday - did the usual breakfast casserole with Grandma and Grandpa, then on to Aunt Jill's and saw all the live stock. The kids played in the yard all afternoon, talking to all the animals. We helped feed the horses and generally hung out and "caught up".

Saturday was a VERY full day. L&M came out in the morning and we all went to the Fair for wristband rides all day. J went on all the BIG rides that he could. You wouldn't believe the rides. S went on the HUGE slide all by herself. I was so proud of both of them. Mad Dog rode "bubba" on the Merry Go Round. He is SO funny. What a good kid! After our ride session we went to the park in town and had a picnic. Aunt J and I took S to Gpa's after that. When we returned to the park all the kids and the hubs had fallen asleep on the blanket under the tree. We packed everyone up and went back to the fair to see Bull Riding. It was pretty good. Only about 3 stayed on for the full 8. After about 3 bulls they decided the arena was too wet - the bulls were slipping - so they called for a tractor. This is a county fair - FULL of tractors, livestock, all things country. We waited at LEAST 30 minutes for a tractor!!! I thought maybe they had called Bbk Public Works!!!
:-) J was FULL of questions through the whole thing and was hardly quiet at all. Mad Dog sat on J's lap and didn't make a sound!!! His eyes just round as saucers.

Sunday we all got up and played. J and Maddy play VERY well together and L is SO good with Sally. She's so sweet to her and very tolerant. M&K came out and we all had lunch. My sister cooked the ENTIRE week. My Dad is right, she's a really good cook. I wish I was better, maybe I'd actually cook a meal once in a while.

M got out Storm and we all took a turn riding. The kids all thought that was a lot of fun. J wants to ride with just "the rope" (bridle) M and I took off over by Houstons and we didn't have any problems. For some reason my fear has really subsided. I felt VERY comfortable and only used my horn a couple of times. Storm is really a good horse, she just stumbles once in a while. Aunt J thinks she doesn't pay attention enough. That could very well be.

That night M , B and J went to the races in Qcy. The girls went into Bowen and had ice-cream and then to the park. :-)

Monday night B and I went to the tractor pull with T&R and the kids. We had such a good time. "If you're ever feeling low, thinking your life isn't so good, go to a truck stop, you'll instantly feel on top of the world." <- Todd. :-) I rode with R and the kids and B went with T in the TRUCK! :-) Only in "Po Dunk" would you take your semi to the fair. :-) Being with T at the fair is like being with B at Town Center. R is so funny. I really like her. They are SO much like us when it comes to kids. Their kids run around with dirty shirts and bare foot too. :-) And always with a smile on their face. In fact, now that I think of it, I've never seen a tantrum from their kids. Must be something we do - ours tantrum all the time.

Tuesday we went into Carthage to Farmers Market ... AND.... School Supplies!!!! We just kind of hung out and played in the pool that night.

Wednesday we took lunch to the girls in Aunt J's cell. Lasagna, green beans, bread and Mississippi Mud cake. It was goooooooodddd. Then to the WOW park and that night we went to the demo derby. S stayed at Gma's again. WAY too loud for her. When we dropped her off we talked about her and J staying overnight on Thurs and as she took it in she turns to M and says: "See you in the winter, Jull." :-) She is too funny. J LOVED the derby - was SILENT the whole time!!!!!!

Thursday we took a road trip all over the country. Amazing how all those little gravel roads eventually lead you back to the main. The kids stayed at Gma's and we want with M&M and T&C to the Harness Racing at the fair. THAT was a LOT of fun. I could REALLY get into that kind of gambling. :-)

Friday morning we all went to Gma and Gpa's for brunch and then back home. The ride home was NOT good. S was REALLY in a mood!!! SO out of control. It lasted the whole weekend. When we got home J announced that it was good to be home "where the cushions are more comfy." I took that as a HUGE compliment to the atmosphere - seeing as how my sister's house is WAY more comfortable and big and they're able to do most anything they want.

We had breakfast with J&L this morning, after church and she was WAY out of it!!!!
We just couldn't bring her down. She must have had a million time outs today. Ms Carla called while we were gone, to check up on S and see how her summer had went. Can you believe that? Isn't that nice?

I hope tomorrow is better for S at camp. We've told her about the last week before school that she will stay home with me and J will go to Gma's and she will wear big girl pants the whole week. She didn't seem to care one way or another.

After S and her weekend I'll be VERY glad to be at work tomorrow. I do have a lot of errands to do afterwards. Sade needs a haircut. S needs a Dr appt. The group has been talking about a Dr in Plainfield who is very interested in Autism and he seems to have a reason why some aren't bowel trained. They have a blockage that has made desensitized them to feeling that they have to go. THAT makes TOTAL sense. Thought I'd give him a call and see what we can find out. If nothing else, she needs a new Dr and the rest of us will probably start going to Dr L.

I'll tell you, that Wed and Thurs was HEAVEN without S. I don't mean it as nasty as it sounds, but you can't imagine the stress that's relieved when she's gone. When we arrived on Friday to pick them up - it ALL came CRASHING back. She made sure of that. Special Needs really sucks sometimes.

Mother Tillman

How I hurt for this woman. Not only does she loose her son - but all the cover up about it!!! This country is in such a MESS!!! The government is SO corrupt. It's very hard to see any kind of hope or integrity in any of it. I've always said - it's got to be like hell on earth to loose a child - but then not even to have the correct info on how it happened. Wouldn't it be nice to just clean house. Get rid of all those fat old white men who have no problem sending our children to die and for what???? But there would always be more to take their place. I've never felt so embarrassed by our country, so let down, so humiliated. Is there no one out there to fight the good fight? It's obvious they're not listening to us little people. The poles say he's at an all time low of 20% approval - yet he continues in his stupid John Wayne, bully of a lifetime way. It's just all so sad. Will we ever regain what we have lost?

Back to "normal"?

I FINALLY got my little flat baby back. There's some kind of virus in it - I guess - so I'm going to reserve putting anything important (ie: cc info) to the other one. I also learned a HUGE lesson - tech is nice - but NOTHING beats the Amish pencil and paper when it comes to the check book. Being without my ledger for over 6 weeks is NOT fun and very stupid on my part. I've had to "re-start" all of our finances for the LAST time now. You would think I would have learned my lesson. (duh, duh, duh)

VERY VERY rough day for S yesterday! B wants drugs - I don't know, I'm afraid - as are her aides- AND I think there's a behavior modification that would work - we just need to keep trying. Part of the problem is there is no schedule at camp - well, not like school, which is good - it's summer and S DOES need to learn that and learn to relax, BUT in meantime - we all suffer. Part of the problem is the lack of a consistent aide at camp also - or should I say - lack of consistent aide that knows what the heck she's doing. Makes for some HUGE guilt - that is for sure!!!!

Talked to the boss man yesterday about taking the week off for Potty training. We're good. Did I mention what a great job I have? It's like being your own boss without all the stress of all the money stuff and having your butt on the line. I am so very fortunate. Got all my stuff done for vacation - just have to tie up some loose ends of day to day stuff and of course, pay my amigos. :-)

We had all the neighborhood gang over last night. Fed them hot dogs. They were all pleased. :-) They're all getting along much better. I do think we're ALL ready for a break from the Brook.

Stamping tonight. I can't wait. Plus I get my jewelry from K. We always have such a nice time there. I'm anxious to see the new stuff. Have to pick a Christmas card too. It would be nice to pick something and then take a picture of the kids in the "country" and have THAT all done. :-)

Got a letter from Kristine yesterday. Her handwriting is beautiful. She asks a lot of questions and most of them I have already answered - which makes me wonder about the timeliness of letters. Seems ours must have crossed each other. We'll have to send her some pictures of our "vacation" . I wonder if it would be possible to send her a camera and have her send it back. I'll have to ask about that.

Kris and Jennifer were back from last Sunday and said they had taught the kids in Africa the Chicken Dance. I think that's funny. Jimmy then told us all about how *they* call it the Duck Dance. What do you expect from Missourians. :-) So I'll have to ask Kristine if she knows the Chicken Dance. :-)

No Sun today. :-/

Kind of blah today. My lip is MUCH better - but still bugs the crap out of me. We're all anticipating vacation on Friday. The kids went to Kane Co Cougar game yesterday. J caught a ball from the Cougar, himself. He was SO pleased. S didn't think it was all that cool. But she likes to "go".

I swear, next year - I'm going to do more prep for Summer. I need a DEFINITE plan for vacation and gma visits AND I need to have a number for the aide for S. I have a couple of choice words for J at JBSRA. Inclusion is NOT a good thing with that Dept - and I wouldn't mind seeing it go to PD that hires the counselors. I've had MUCH better info from them. As of right now I'm not sure who her aide is. And though she doesn't really REQUIRE one to participate - she DOES need one to take her to the bathroom.

Got a new client yesterday. I kind of like that - learning new stuff - BUT I don't care for setting up all the files. I HATE filing and I really don't know why. It IS instant gratification - there is an END to it. These are two of my requirements on liking something. :-) Like mowing the grass.

Thinking about how to make up a schedule of what we will be doing the week before school. Potty training. ;-) I've talked to S about how you can't wear pull ups to 4th grade. Thought I'd just start laying the seed. Then when we get back from vacation we'll mark the week out on her calendar and talk about wearing our big girl pants that whole week. Maybe we'll plan a trip to the hill for the concert and take a BIG jacket - in case of accidents and then just leave if we have any. That could be a trip out that wouldn't be hard to leave in an instance AND wouldn't inconvenience anyone but us. I want to plan things where she can succeed but also make it easy for her if she doesn't. Didn't we all say "don't sweat potty training - no one ever goes to college in diapers". Well, I beg to differ. :-0 But I figure if we do fail at the WHOLE week - then it's definitely a muscle issue and that *I* cannot fix. But I secretly think a whole week just might do it. But I HAVE to prepare *myself* because I KNOW S and how stubborn she can be. :-)

I'm almost finished with Qtlys at work. THAT feels good. The more payroll we can do for clients the better. That way I don't have to wait for them to get stuff in to start. So I was glad to see we'll be doing payroll for the new client. So I don't think me being gone will be that big a deal for MR. The end of Aug MIGHT have some problems - I'll have to talk to him about it.

Plan, plan, plan. Oh to be a man and just show up or not. :-)

Are my ears bleeding?????

Oh Good Lord!!! I THOUGHT I missed the girl....... 2 hours trapped in a car with her. Breathe - breathe - breathe. There were some tense moments when I told her we wouldn't eat at Mc D's in McClean but would meet Daddy at the Sticker Rest. We got there (after what seemed like days) and I asked B if my ears were bleeding. "They not bleed, Mommy - they just red." Still has her humor! :-)

She had a good time at Gma and Gpa's. Dan's store, Lola's, quilting, Windmill, Quincy, Aunt J's to visit Tiny (Miss Kitty was out chasing mice) and of course feeding squirrels and birds. She's so funny. Told me all about quilting and that she got an owie on her finger from the pins. "gotta be careful with pins." She self talks.

After lunch I took her to camp. They have a carnival today. Ok, I've never been to the carnival. It is COOL!!! The whole thing is roped off and counselors sit at the entrance. Inside is all kinds of jumpy things, slip and slides, dunk the counselor games, dancing, watermelon eating contests, snacks, train and climbing wall. They all run around and do whatever they please. It is a HUGE production. She was SO excited she could hardly get out of the truck without falling. I told B - I want to go to the carnival! J came over - gave her a hug AND a bag of chips. Is he not a cutie or what??? :-) Sometimes that kid surprises me.

I am SO stupid!

OMG!! I did not use sunscreen yesterday and I have a sunburn that is so severe (or I'm a big whimp) that I have slept ALL day today!!!! I feel physically sick to my tummy. I feel like the BIGGEST LOSER on the face of the planet. I mean - I put Sunscreen on J - who is BROWN - but me - no..... who puts sunscreen on a livey livered white person????? STUPID WOMAN!!!!!! God, I feel like a complete idiot.

We went to watch B play softball yesterday - it was supposed to be only 1 game - it turned into 4. Full timers against the part timers. Have you ever seen anyone catch a fly ball in the outfield AND hold a beer? A pitcher smoke AND pitch? It was interesting to say the least. It was a really good time, though. I love the Village People. I met Becky - she is SO nice and I really like her and CR as a couple. He really deserves someone that nice. R was there too - she is such a crack up! LOVE her - also I think she is so pretty. It was fun sitting with the women - why can't tee-ball have nice women like that?

So, anyway - we also had lunch there. Jason fired up the bbq and J meandered over - came back and told me that there were chips over there. I said that we were going to have lunch here and he says "I wish S was here."

"Oh, do you miss S?" <- me

"No, she just loves chips." Is that not cute?? Plus, yes, she does love chips. I've heard from S the last couple of days - the first thing she says is "you pick me up Saturday at McDonalds?" Agenda, agenda with that girl.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy World

Should I be concerned that my mom thinks that if she calls my home phone and I'm not home it will ring my cell? In a way, it's a progressive thought of hers and in a way it's a very misguided "are you in there" thought.

We truckstered down half way south and made "the switch" today. S was SO excited. I was happy to finally have feeling back in my ears. :-) 4 hours of driving is hard on a person - and I get to do it again on Friday - AND then go to work. :-/ Not real sure that's going to happen - so just in case, I'm going in on Monday.

J's not feeling quite right lately. The boy is BURNING hot to the touch and complains of a headache now and again. He's eating pretty good and the other end seems ok - just fit full sleep and the "hots".

Rexie is back - clawless and uterus - less. Her shaved part is hysterical. Cats were definitely made for fur. She keeps licking her paws. We just had the front ones done. I honestly would have left them but she just wasn't learning. EVERY morning she would scratch the chair in our bedroom and EVERY morning I would squirt her with my squirt gun (permanent fixture on my nightstand) and she just didn't stop. SO to save my furniture and her life (not to mention the kids - notice how my concern for them is AFTER the furniture) :-) I think it was a wise decision.

Ok, this is what kills me - they cut me open and take out a human being - I get2 days - they take out her claws - 3 days!!!!! Can you believe it???? There's just something sick and wrong about that.

More craziness - B's father passed tonight. He had cancer. In the end he was having a lot of seizures. I always find it very interesting how death affects different people. Maybe interesting isn't the correct word. I don't know.

We believe that B's father was the same age as mine. 78. Or at least he would have been in Sept. VERY different human beings.

Not sure if B will attend whatever ceremony there will be. We'll have to see what he decides. I'm glad it's not my decision.

Speaking of death. My Dad is going through that whole thing that Grandma did with all of his friends passing. Shorty was the last to go. Him and Dad worked for the County together, went to school together - I think they played ball together too, and finally worked at Adams Tel together. Dad said he was pretty bad in the end. It's so sad that the body has to linger like that.

On a lighter note - I do believe I undid everything in 4 hours of driving that I worked out in Yoga yesterday. Have I told you about Yoga? Loooovvveeee Ittt! I cannot believe how much I SWEAT! I NEVER sweat - even when L and I did the running thing and the lifting thing I didn't sweat near as much as I do in Yoga. It's crazy - but it is fun and I can already see that I'm making progress. I'm able to get further in my poses.

So this was the plan tonight - J was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted - we're not going to church in the morning - we are sleeping in. J and I sat down to watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks tonight and he was out my 8:15. So much for sleeping in. :-) CRAZY.

Very rough week for the girl

Well, S has a new aide at camp. It all started when she reported that Miss P had said that if she wasn't good she wasn't going on the field trip. I immediately slipped into lion position. Then S started saying over and over that she was bad. And on Tues was told that she wasn't swimming or making ice-cream on THURS!!! I LOST it. Made QUITE a voice mail message for Jill and the next morning proceeded to talk to the head counselors. I also cautioned Jill that Miss P should maybe be relieved of working with any children. I just don't get these people. God knows we all loose it occasionally but the threat #1 was an idle threat. That would NEVER happen. And I very casually mentioned that I knew legally that 504 would eat them alive. When B picked them up that night - they practically bent over backwards for him. :-)

I'm really not one to take pleasure in being a bad ass. I USUALLY write good guy letters about this camp. I'm truly in awe of the kids they find to work there - they are the most polite and helpful people I've ever met. And usually S LOVES camp. So, I guess I should have known something was up. And again - it's not so much the camp - but the JBSRA aide. I told Jill she should consider in house training.

S goes to Grandma's tomorrow. That will be a nice break. The boy has been playing SO hard lately and staying up so late. He's grouchy and kind of nasty. Again - I SO love school and the routine. But this is what summer is about and I shouldn't deny it to him.

Mommy guilt is a bitch and I've got a lot of it lately.

Crack Boom Munch Munch Munch

Our 4th was terrific. We went with Mr Chad and Co to watch fireworks and S ate her way through 40 minutes of blasts. :-) Patrick and Allison are in and the kids are having a blast. I've never seen someone SO identical to S. They all get along VERY well. The problem is - between those two and ours - Mr Chas will prob NEVER touch Ms Jen again. :-)

So we're back to camp and work and the regular grind. The kids are playing every night will around 8:30. They're loving their new found freedom.

I'm sleeping SO well, in my new bed. It's SO nice. Need to catch up on laundry again this weekend. (surprise) Plus make plans for the trip down south. So much to do, so little time. What else is new?! :-)

Party Party Party

Had a GREAT jewelry party!!! SO much fun and I learned a LOT. I now know just who should be invited to this stuff. :-) D and J were SO funny. C said she never laughed so much. S was so out of her usual shell and then of course THE advisor - L. We really had a ball.

Sat D,L,J&J came over and then Mr C. THAT was a lot of fun too. I think we may have C&J over next weekend. I finally feel free. Really free.

So, I've decided that the week before school (no camp) J is going to Gma's and S is getting a whole week of potty training. Tomorrow I have to do some planning and make some phone calls about Rexie and Sade.

Oh and we got our new bed - it's SO great!!!! Looooveeee it!!! It was a trip getting it up - not so much the new one but putting the old one downstairs. I was just VERY tired today.

Really having a time lately with what and who to believe lately. I'm really upset with stuff in the news lately - just seems so hopeless sometimes. This administration is SO tainted - but aren't they all?? And then you realize that NO one tells the truth - there is no dependability. It's all an act. I'm personally sick of it. SO fake. And the thing is - that's fine - but then don't pretend about it. uggh. Well, such is life.

Why is it

That when your husband is home and you think you'll have extra hands and help to get the kids ready that it actually takes LONGER to get ready than normal??? NEVER been late to camp - today - 15 minutes. It was like that when I was younger and my Mom would have a day off too. It NEVER went smoothly. I'm just not a people person. :-)

So boss man leaves tomorrow. Got my instructions today. He's so funny. "I don't care if the place burns to the ground - don't call me. And if you run out of checks just forge my signature."

Well, now - that I know the rules...... :-) Seems I have some shopping to do!!! hee hee hee.

The parents come tomorrow. I'm elected to get them from the train. B is elected to do some shopping. :-) Then we're doing the whole brunch thing.

AND..... I have my Par tay tomorrow! :-) Ok, talking to M last night. I was talking about how I'm always so nervous when having people over. He says "that's the difference between guys and girls. Guys just say no."

"What, if Scott N asked you to have a party for him because he was starting a new business, you wouldn't?"

"No, I'd say, Sorry Scott you're gay."

"Oh, So if Scott were gay he wouldn't be your friend? That's real nice."

"No, he'd still be my friend - I just wouldn't have his little gay parties."

I'm busting a gut by this time.

Who's that big girl?

Village Picnic today. Ran into M. I used to babysit her and her brother - but I had her from 6 mo. and now she is in 6th GRADE!!! She's almost as tall as I am!!! S didn't recognize her and said "Who's that big girl?" It was cute.

Left Dad there - he's doing the OT thing. So I'm "babysitting" as usual> :-) STILL doing the Power Laundry.

Gpa and Gma come in Friday - so also need to do the Power Cleaning. :-)

POWER Laundry

Got the spare room full of every piece of clothing we own. Time for some power laundry!!! :-)

As I'm waiting for my washer - new tech - pfftttt - give me my old washer back. Anyway - as I'm waiting - I'm looking around and figuring out what to do with the *new* room I will get when the garage is done and there is NO ebay CRAP in my house!!!! Oh, I will skip and sing and tra la la la la.

I am seriously thinking I could set up a little sitting room down there AND have my scrap book stuff out all the time. Oh, to be able to watch movies this winter AND scrap book. Heaven, I'm in Heaven. :-) It can't get done fast enough for me. :-)

Then of course I'm going to nag about my kitchen being done. :-) My kitchen will be SO nice when we get what we want. Plus I think it will really lend itself to having kids in and out like we do.

What color God is

So, do *you* know what color God is? When B put J to bed tonight J said "how did you know I was in here?" "I know everything, I'm Dad"
"huh uh - you don't know what color God is".

I almost fell off my chair! Oh, the stuff this kid comes up with.

The other day after he got his uniform on for tee ball he stood up nice and tall, put his hands on his hips and said "I'm the perfect man."
Oh, so humble too. :-)

Not fun to be a Mom lately

It's been a rough week. Got a call about S this morning at work. What am I supposed to do at work?? Ugghhh - I SO hate when people SAY they've worked with Special Needs before and they really haven't. Her aide didn't have the foggiest about how to handle S. Ended up just giving me a head ache - made it almost impossible to concentrate at work (hence input on the wrong date)dang. So instead of an easy Friday - well, you know.

Stuff like that makes you start to question every decision. I HATE second guessing.

Dang - just a stressful hectic week.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous this country has become? We are prosecuting certain people for lying but the thing is - EVERYONE in government is lying. They lied about the cause of war, Clinton lied about Monica, on and on and on. If their mouths are open - they're lying. It's like Teddy sitting in judgement of Clinton - we don't see how STUPID we must look to other countries? Then we have the audacity to go over and "save" the world??? WTF????

Bush was quoted yesterday as saying "that's not going to happen in MY government". That's the thing - it is THEIR government - all of them - left and right alike. They don't do what's best for the *people* - hell most of them don't even know what it's like to BE one of us. Daddy Bush had no idea we had scanners at the cash register. Pearl lady thought Katrina victims found the Super dome comfy.

Is it that we all, myself alike, kind of keep busy with Paris and stupid stuff like that because the REAL issues are just SO hopeless?? I know I tend to busy myself with daily life and just when I finally get enough stupidity and hypocrisy I finally stand up and say "do you really think we're that f--ing stupid?" And yes, they do.


And just so my head doesn't blow off my shoulders I'm going to turn my attention now to the unimportant: my cat. Ok, as many of you know, I have lost my mind - but I do not lie. So when I tell you - my cat plays fetch - you can believe me. And the really wild part that I saw yesterday is that she brings the thing to you and meows till you play. She is really starting to grow on me. I think it's time to have her de-clawed. She's a keeper. Today she was lying on the couch and Sadie walked by her - she stretched out her paw and just let it slide down Sade's back as she went by. It was really cute - then she stretched her toes and hair fell out! Sadie didn't seem to mind. They are funny together. The thing that really kills me is that Sadie chases other cats out of the yard - but for some reason has decided that Rex is ok. I really live in a crazy house. :-)

We went to O and A's game last night. J loves to sit on my lap and watch. I tried to explaining the strike zone, a full count, on deck, a bunt, and the in field fly rule. He is funny. He really like the whole lingo of the game. I've got a bet with B that J will (at the next tee-ball game) do the "grab the air" at bat when he's up. I noticed that it was after the first softball game we watched that he tipped home plate when up to bat. At last night's game the other team grabbed the air behind the plate as they dug in - I have a feeling we will see this on Saturday. I can also tell J has a good head for the game - like the rest of my family. It's like a 6th sense of where the ball is going to go - I think it kind of skipped me. I'm more like Sal - have more intuition of feelings or personal stress than sports.

J also told me that he would like to work at the bank. He thought he could start tomorrow. :-) I told him that when he was 16 he could work anywhere he wanted to. I like that kind of spunk. Granted he can't get his room clean - he's always so tired, or his foot hurts, or his tummy hurts, or he'll do it later. But I'm SURE he'll be able to "work" when he's a teen. yeah right.

I think S is tired out. She's been kind of cranky lately. Though she did sit very well last night. (provided you feed her - she'll do anything) But this morning you could tell she just wasn't up for it. Lots of yawning. We'll need to get to bed a little earlier next week. They'll be swimming more and they have a field trip.

I need to get to bed a little earlier too. Now that EVERYONE has to be ready by 8:30 WITH lunch it gets a little more complicated. Plus we need to read in the mornings. We've missed out at night. With all the stuff going on - we just never know when we'll get in.

Cicada, cickada

OMG!!! The noise these creatures make is unbelievable! They were supposed to emerge on May 22 or something like that. Evidently, Bbk cicadas are fashionably late. I thought to myself, when walking to my car and barely being able to hear myself think, if I were a deer - I'd jump in front of a van today. Lord, it's the most annoying sound. Worse than that "this is a test" buzzer. And remember, it doesn't stop. We can hear them IN the office - through the windows (which don't open).

So camp has started. They both had a great time. J swims today and S does tomorrow. They get to be together in the pool on Friday. And they go bowling this week. J LOVES it! S does too - she just doesn't show it like he does. He practically jumps up and down when it's time to go.

I started a *real* Yoga class yesterday - just for me. I LOVE it! Of course all the toxins I got rid of - I put back in with a bag of chips last night. My body seems to crave toxins. :-)

You know what I like....

I like that my daughter is ecstatic when she gets a hand me down tee-shirt.

I like that both my kids prefer their wading pool.

I like that a Popsicle makes it seem like summer.

I like that when you get out paper and a crayon they smile.

I like that they accept the phrase "ask Santa" as a response to "I want....".

I like that J beams all over when he runs the bases at tee-ball.

I like that S skips when they're told they can go down to Tommy's.

I like that dry Spider man cereal is one of their favorite snacks.

I like that they invent ways to "surf" in the wading pool.

I like that my husband waited up for me last night.

I like that there is a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my kitchen table.

I like that my house is well lived in.

I like that the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing right through the back door.

Reflection of the day:

From the Spark:

Investing time and energy in others

People usually talk of "spending" energy and time on others. As if once it's used, it's gone. But in reality, that effort is a powerful investment. It's an investment because you'll get more of both in return. When a match lights a candle, the match's flame doesn't shrink--if anything, it grows. In the same way, you'll be even more inspired and successful by building others up. The bonus is that they'll also be better equipped to return the favor. Take action today to make someone's life a little better. Come up with just one nice thing to do for each of the important people in your life, one little thing that can make all the difference. After all, what good does it do to improve your health or your life if you're not going to do anything with it?


I want to talk about the opposite. I tend to get sucked in - well, no, wait- I do it to myself so it's more like I tend to hear someone's problem and then JUMP into/on it and then come crashing down when the other doesn't spend NEAR as much energy on it. I have realized this and actually stopped myself recently with the drama of The Hoods. All the crap with Father Hood and I was actually able to foresee it, and step aside!!!! Man, that is SO great. Now, I must be vigilant to make sure I don't fall into my old habit. :-)

Lord, What have we become?

elaine writes:

3,500 dead American sons/daughters. 14,208 wounded, returned 2 duty. 11,622 maimed, not able to return 2 duty. 300,000 traumatic brain injured americans. Talk at the water cooler 2day? Paris! i cry

yes yes yes yes yes



I borrowed this from another blog. I feel this same way. It's like we're in the Twilight Zone. This is all happening and no one seems to care. There's SO many lies we were sold. SO much corruption - in both parties. It's so scary and it's just feels hopeless. I mean, will it EVER change? We've GOT to get these kids HOME!!! The powers that be don't have a clue what they're doing. And our kids are paying the price!!!

Do we "care" about Paris and other things because the truth is WAY to scary? Have we hid our heads in the sand? There are SO many families who are FORCED to think about it everyday because they are missing a loved one and are praying for their return. I can't imagine the heartache. How do you put your life on hold?

There should just NEVER be war. In this age - isn't there something else we could do to solve our differences? Checkers? Football? I don't know - maybe *talking* God forbid.

Just seems like we've learned nothing. Just seems to me that we aren't the country -we say we are. Seems like we have a dictator- not a democracy. And that goes in ALL levels of government. It's all about power and the almighty dollar. So who are we to go over and preach to anyone else when our own backyard is such a MESS?!!!!

Sniff, Tear, Sniff

I HATE goodbyes. The last day of school today. Hugs and thank yous and of course tears. I HATE when things change. Hmmmm - sounds a lot like S - maybe I do have the Autism gene. :-) So we say goodbye to one of the greatest teams. I ask myself - since coming to Salk - have you had a team you didn't like? No, but I had members I didn't like - not this year. And of course we've had the same aides for what - 2 years now. I will SO miss them. THAT team is tremendous!!! Mrs G - "got me" - she got my humor - my stress - my passion. I love her.

J and I walked to school to pick up S - the Jr High was walking home - can I just say how much I DETEST Jr High kids. Ugghhh. I SO don't want to think of S going to Jr High - only 2 more years and then SCARY!!!!!!!!!

Bella - S's running mate - came up and thanked me for the fax I sent yesterday. I wrote congratulations to them all and thanks for being so good to S. Wasn't that sweet?? Of course Quinn came over and said goodbye. S has got a FANTASTIC class.

I just can't stop tearing up - I just don't want it to end. It went so well this year - she made such HUGE progress - I want it to go on and on and on.

He are a gradu- it

Well, he's a first grader now! What I can't get over is the way some people make over this - HUGE flower arrangements, balloons, gifts. Like B says - this doesn't even count in your accademic grade point average. :-) It's not one of the big 12. It's so strange. I don't consider this a big goal - it's just a beginning. But anyway - he sang his little heart out - got his little diploma and his teacher dubbed him "fastest boy student". Which translates into he rushes through things to get to the next thing. :-) It was cute.

S came home with a list of nice things that her class had said about her. It was so sweet. I never dreamed that she would be so accepted in school. It just brings tears to my eyes. She's so loved.

What a Fun Weekend

GREAT game yesterday. J came in from the outfield and tried to RUN a runner down with the ball at home. It was SO funny. He has to learn that he has his Momma's speed and he NEEDS to THROW the ball. :-) He did really well though. My brother showed up along with JB. Jack was so thrilled to see an audiance. He's SUCH a ham.

The kids have been down the street for most of the weekend. We sat outside with Mr C last night and they rode up and down. The Fire Dept was called by Mr C last night - turned out his fridge was messed up and a part got so hot it started melting the plastic around it - which is the smell he was first alerted to.

Multi-culture day today at church - everyone should wear garb from their country. As much as I HATE to sound like my right wing hub - I'm from America - what exactly should my kids wear to participate. It seems like our church does nothing but "celebrate" our cultural differences. It gets a little old personally. Enough about your country of orrigin - tell me about your life HERE. Tell me about your struggles NOW. Not that I don't care about other's plight of where they're from but enough is enough. I have to admitt that was one thing that attracted us to this church - the curltural difference - but I just think we've gone over board now.

I did get my thank yous and J's out this weekend. That feels good to finally be done with the Walk. I don't think I'll fund raise next year. And I don't think if I don't mention it - B will never know. :-) It's just too much. I LOVE participating but the actual sending of all the "stuff" and then thank yous after are too much for me.

I'm off now 3 days this week. It's the last week of school. S is both freaked and excited. I think she's anxious and happy about J going to camp with her this year. I'm kind of excited to see what he thinks. I'm both excited about camp starting and also dreading it. I'm not looking forward to making lunch every day. :-) I guess I'll never be nominated Mother of the Year. :-)