Christmas Sucks

"She hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Now please don't ask why - no one quite knows the reason. It could be perhaps that her tree wasn't up, or that she was the only one to make the sup. Maybe because she miss her sister or was it because her heel had big blister. But whatever the reason the weather or mess she sat there on Christmas Eve hating the fest."

I have just really sucked the fun right out of Christmas this year! I was SO NOT prepared, I was SO NOT thinking ahead. I really DO forget how HARD it is to go places with S. J&L's was SO hard for her. We had many talks while we were there and she just doesn't get it. It makes things SO much harder. I think I almost "forget" that she is who she is. Ok - yeah we have the daily battles but for the most part - she's learned my routine - I've learned hers but when you go some place different it just comes CRASHING down on you - GLARING you in the face - I AM AUTISM and I have a HOLD on your little girl and sure, you've managed to cope with me almost beat me in YOUR setting - but I WILL be heard when on a different turf.

I have to get out more. I have to separate a little. I really think I'm burnt out and then there's MY whole thing about the holidays - my own little form of autism.

Aunt J's not coming up - S took it better than I thought she would. I did manage to get them in an additional day of camp and I've decided to take a whole day for me. Tax season starts soon and things will be WAY crazy so that may just be what the Dr ordered. Speaking of - we see Dr J on Friday and talk about some meds. I don't know what to wish for.

Then *I* need to find a Dr for me. Need an eye appt, and the annual mammogram. Bleck. SO much fun, fun, fun. :-)