Yeah, I'm still here. I'm doing better. Everyday is better and better. I've found out a LOT! Amazing how you can live with someone for so long and not have a clue that they are lying right to your face. Oh, the lessons I'm learning with this little hitch in my giddy up. :-)
And thank God for friends! I really have some amazing friends who I know face to face and who I know through the interwebs. I really am very very lucky to have so many people in my life who have reached out and just said "hi, I'm thinking of you". That really means so much. It means that I'm NOT alone - I'm NOT the biggest fool in the world - that others have been there - done that - lived through it or have even thought about "what if". It ALL means the world to know that you all are out there. I thank you - each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.
So, where do I go from here - well - the only answer is: UP! :-) The kids are managing. I know there will be more hurdles - but I think the very darkest days are behind me - as far as the marriage is concerned. Now I just get to think about unwanted pregnancy, drugs, prison - you know the normal mother worries. ;-)
Jack has made the honor roll and even though he has shown some anger and mis-management about said anger - he is really doing VERY well. I'm very pleased. I damn near flunked out of Jr High and my parents have been married for over 60 years. :-) So, I feel if he can hold it together with all of the crap that has just been flung at us - well, then we have a pretty good foundation and hopefully we can make it through.
Sal has had some regression. Some potty accidents, some nasty back talk - but nothing too crazy. Well, Sal crazy - but that's the norm. ;-) She seems to be handling the "sleepovers" at her Dad's pretty well. They both come back hopped up on sugar and happy - what more can I ask for.
The house is slowly starting to fall apart. For someone who never planned anything in his life Bill sure hit the target on getting out right before everything crashed down around him. Just little goofy things - but enough to make me want to pluck his eyes right out of their sockets. :-) Oh, I'm kidding. He's been very good about the kids and the child support. After all the stuff I found out I really should be thanking him. Just wish he would have had the balls (or girlfriend) when I had a job. It would have been a *little* easier.
Yeah, still no takers on the daycare. Finances are the hardest part about all the crap. But I know in my heart that it will soon turn around also. I just have to keep plucking on. I keep thinking of my Grandma Beckett. She grew a man all on her own. I have a lot in common with that goofy lady. She had a wicked sense of humor also. And God knows she was strong. Took care of ALL the men in her life, father, uncle, son - seems like I come from some really strong women. I hope she would be proud of me.
So life plods on. I'm looking forward to a new lease on life. I really kind of like doing my own thing. Making what I want for dinner - not trying to figure out what's going on in his mind. Now, if I could get the business going I would REALLY feel good - but just as the WWitch says "all in good time, my pretty, all in good time". My challenge is to be PATIENT! ;-)
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