Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming......

I'm so full of emotion I can hardly write.  It's been an amazing day.  Let me back up a couple to let you in on what's been up in our household lately.

I think when I last wrote it was a little down - one of those times in life when Special Needs becomes - well, not so special.  More tiring.  You get worn down, nerves get raw, the world seems to be celebrating and you're cleaning up poop - just prickly.  Sal's kind of been coming into a toddler/teenage (they tell me the attitude is the same) thing.  Screamy in the morning.  ALWAYS picking on the brother in the morning (his most *favorite* time of the day)  and in general being a royal pain in my arse.  Bill wanted me to see about drugs to "calm her down" - but I really think it's a teen-age thing and, sadly, there are no drugs for teenagers(or their parents).   So, I've honestly been white knuckling it through lately.  We did the swim meet a couple of weeks ago and of course she qualified to go again this weekend.

We decided she could go by herself.  The bus takes them all - they have a coach and aide and there's only 3 kids that go (and 2 go by themselves too).  And YES I was feeling guilty.  But not guilty enough to go with her.  Jack had a basketball game and we've kind of neglected Jack in some of the sports things in favor of always being there for Sal....AND her coach assured me she would do great. 

So today started off with a trip across town to put her on the bus by 8 am and then home to get a shower and take Jack to his game.  Yes, the guilt was kicking in again because I was really looking forward to watching a game of Jack's without Sal in tow.  Without having to say "only 4 minutes left" for 20 times.  My brother and sister-in-law had kind of thought they might come and I was looking forward to finding out what's going on with their kids (one in Singapore, one just started basic training and one who is one of those "fat cat" teachers you hear about in the news - but THATs a whole 'nother post). 

When I got back Bill decided he wanted to stay in bed - he's been sick the last 2 weeks and I think it finally caught up with him....SO Jack and I left and got to the game.   Had a great time.  Jack played very well, got to find out all the gossip of the family , Jack's team won and my brother even recorded the game and said he'd send it to Mom and Dad (I still have one of those OLD videos that does the VHS).  So, I got home after the game and we called the swimming coach and found out that we had a couple of hours till the bus would be home.  Bill and I got to sit and talk (I had dropped Jack off at a friend's) without any interruptions.  I headed over to the Park District at the appointed time.  

As I got to the bus, the coach, aide and Sal were all standing outside of it - oh oh.    I no more got out than they shouted "She got a gold medal!"     I think I said something like "you're kidding - no, she didn't".

Ok, that sounds harsh probably - but I did not expect that at ALL.  1.  At the last meet Sal was 4 out of 5 kids.  2.  There were to be more kids at this one because if you get gold you go to State. 

I think it was when I saw the medal hanging on her neck and her coach saying how she swam faster than she ever saw her that I started crying.  (and of course I'm crying now just thinking about it).  Sal, of course was on to the next thing and was in the car before I could say thankyou to the staff and goodbye. 

As we drove home I told her how proud I was of her.  "You are?"  She asked.  "Mabel be proud too." she commented.  I bawled all the way home and she kept looking at me like I was crazy.  ;-)

When we got home she ran in saying "I won gold medal!"  Bill was as stunned as I was and I do believe I saw a tear in his eye.  "We go to Culvers?"  she asked.  Are you kidding?  She could asked for a car and probably got it at that point.  :-)   We called Grandma and Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, took pictures and posted them on facebook.  As the night has gone on I've tried to figure out just why I'm so touched and emotional about this.  I keep recalling two times in my life:  1.  When the lady down the street told me about her Johnny who was in a home and got money for crushing cans and that he has made $2.25 one day and when I had rejoiced with her she said "Oh, I just knew *you'd* get it.  All my other friends think don't get it.  And the time when Jack was probably 3 or 4 and he stood in front of us with Sally standing behind and "read" (like kids do when they've heard the story so many times they know it by heart) to us.  I remember thinking "how can I be happy when I know you're sister will NEVER do this".  

So, tonight I "get it" again.  Tonight his sister stands in FRONT.  Tonight I see the HOPE.  Tonight I have more faith and tonight I CELEBRATE. 

And lastly - tonight I realize that I am holding her back.  I may need to push a little more.  Either that - or I have to sneak into things - so she doesn't know I'm there.  :-)