"How do you know THAT song?"

J is constantly almost ticked off when I know songs. He came home with "All Night, All Day" yesterday and when I started to sing along I got the "How do you know that?" SO indignant. :-) I forget that I'm suppose to play the "dumb ol' Mom" who doesn't know anything, anyone or go anywhere. ;-) He loves to watch those shows where you have to fill in the rest of the song after you hear the beginning. Again, I get chastised if I know any. But yet he likes that I know all the words to "American Pie". Which we have sang at*least* 1200 times. :-)

Had S's team meeting Thurs. It went well. We're trying for writing again this year. Her reading is about at 1st grade level - which is right on target for where she was last year. She seems to be settling in to the routine - but I did pick something up from Mrs G that they were ALL on track now - meaning all the teachers were done with their rooms - I think S picked up on ALL that anxiety and that's what was causing the outbursts. I didn't voice my opinions - better to keep that between me and my guru Ron. :-)

So I found a class in Hinsdale at the end of Oct and I'll be signing up. I can't wait. Ron says there's also sessions on Monday nights and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. Ummm - YEAH!!!!! The whole thing interests me SO much.

I've also decided that we'd TRY dairy free with S. That Dr's voice of my Mom's keeps sounding in my head over and over. "Yes, Mrs B - but you don't know what's going on in her *brain*." So Jenny M be damned!

Boy the house is one big piece of CLUTTER! Is there ANY paper in the world that isn't in this house???? That and clothing! Need to do power laundry today and tomorrow. I hate laudry. I've got to get my brain into a better dimension on that one.

Go back to your toilet, Jenny McCarthy!

Damn this chick annoys me!!! Her child is CURED! Bull shit! And it's so hard for her financially! OMG! She's not only someone who sells herself for money (her "beautiful" naked pictures) but now she sells her child. Ugghhh.

The thing is - if it works for her - fine - but it DOESN'T for all of us. #1 My child was autistic from birth. #2 My child is NEVER sick. Seriously - she RARELY even gets the flu and when she does it NEVER lasts more than a day. #3 This wench (McCarthy) makes autism so trivial. Talk about a bad rep. DAMN! #4 She has no other children and so her attention is NEVER divided! She doesn't have a clue!!!
But what's new - famous people telling the "real" world what we *should* be doing.

I'd like to personally invite her to live "real" life with an autistic person. No nanny, no Jim Carey (or his money) no private school, no entourage, no personal assistants, cooks, you name it. Lets see what she'd have to say THEN. She makes me want to barf!

Dr Yuen? Heck YES I'm in!!!

I went to the seminar about the Yuen method of Chinese Energetics! It was FANTASTIC! I am SO a believer! I actually felt the knot in my stomach when S was upset and I felt a huge core of strength and a warmth all through my body. It makes SO much sense!!!

And the wildest part is that my friend Ron (the meat and potato's person) is the one that introduced me to it! We just had a GREAT time!!!

It's been (another) Hard Days Week

Whew - it's been a loo loo!!!! The good thing - it's GOT to get better. :-)

REALLY looking forward to the Dr Yuen thing tomorrow. I'm hoping to restock my bag of tricks. :-) Ok, sue me for overusing that phrase lately. :-)

J got to "buy" snack today. You would have thought I gave him the world. Now his idea is to "buy" every "T" day (as in Tuesday and Thursday). I vetoed it with "how about every other Friday". I got the usual spaghetti leg whine about how horrible his world is.

Vision and Hearing again today. I will say it again and again and again. Teachers just DON'T make enough!!! I can't tell you how many tests I had to interrupt to get kids. It was chaotic for a while this morning. The small ones are cute, the older ones can be an endless source of information. :-)

It's been SO warm lately. But we've shut off the air and since it gets nice at night I've been leaving it off. Poor animals are passing out from heat during the day. :-)

Tae Kwon (how) Do I LOVE it!!!

Had our first lesson on Saturday. I LOVE it! It's everything J needs!!!! And he loves it too. He cried at first. They don't really explain at first and do the shouting and bowing thing and I think it freaked him out ----- BUT he didn't come running to me AND he sucked it up and continued. I was so proud of him.

Aunt J came in on Friday - we walked down to get S and J and S was beside herself with happiness. Skipping and beaming from ear to ear to see "Joel". Then we went out to eat and they all sang Happy Birthday to her and she just smiled all over herself.

B did his garage sale this weekend. It went very well. Before we left for school J wanted to sell his jacket...............that he had ON! Oh, this boy.

Saturday night we went to Chuckie's place. We had a really nice time, even though the service was horrible! S was VERY pleased.

So the weekend was a lot of fun.

Things are tough

Life has become very difficult lately. The same old thing - 1 step forward - 2 steps back. I feel SO much anxiety when we walk to school - what I'm going to hear from the teachers, S is really having a tough time lately. Home is the same way. More accidents, so much screaming, tantruming. She's getting so much harder as she gets older.

I'm just so angry. So tired. So frustrated. I feel like I'm just "out of it". It seems like my bag of tricks is empty.

On a happier note - we celebrate 10 years tomorrow. She's decided it's Chuck E Cheese this year. I hope that after all the hoopla is over - she can settle down and we can progress this year.

J, on the other hand seems to have found his niche. He's on a white card streak. Everyday, when I pick him up from daycare, he's all happy to announce how he got another white card. At home, we need to buckle down. He's getting away with too much. I'm drained from S and I'm not on top of my game. A critical mistake when dealing with J.

He Tried Lettuce

.... and since he wasn't sure if it was lettuce or celery ........ he put some in his POCKET so he could bring it home and show me!!!!!! Oh, J is a treasure!! :-)

We all sat and watched the parade on Sunday. We figured it was prob the LAST parade that we *could* all sit together. We had a REALLY nice time!

S had a really rough time in church on Sunday (it was FISH Sun) and you have SEEN the STARES!!! I wasn't sure if he was new or not but at one point I even mouthed "can I help you". It was HORRIBLE! He was in front of us and kept turning back so much that the lady in back of him turned too to see what he was looking at. Plus, it wasn't the sermon or anything - I don't know I was just ticked!!!

B&I taught our first class together. We only had two students. I was very surprised that they want to do memory work of bible verses!!! It was THEIR suggestion.

We did Market Day yesterday. Again, a good time. It would help SO much if I could speak Spanish. This has been brought to my attention by SEVERAL instances this last week. Now, to find a class that will fit my schedule and start with the BASICS!

God gives you a kiss in heaven

S started talking about heaven yesterday and as she described who all was there she then said "God gives you a kiss when you get to heaven." I thought that was so cute. Sometimes she's SO "with it".

We watched J's football game yesterday. That was nice. He does very well. He really seems to like it too. It's always so nice to see L&E. B and J went to do his Tiger scout thing with Public Works. I really think they both had a great time.

We had the conspiracy over this week. It's so strange and I really don't understand the "game". They did their "usual thing" and they always have a nice time together. Which I'm so happy to see. We did the White Fence Farm thing - that was really nice. We haven't been there for so long.

I'm really starting to worry about J. He's so out of control sometimes. So disrespectful. The rules really need to be tighter on that boy.

There are SO many in her corner

S has been doing so well in her big girl pants. You wouldn't believe the amount of support we've gotten with her lately. Everyone is so happy for her.

RL and I are going to try and go to a session on Dr Yuen. I'm really kind of excited about it.

I also opened my mouth today and now am helping with vision and hearing screening tomorrow. So much for taking it easy this week. :-p Where was my head????

S's disorder is very prominate this year. 4th grade is such a HUGE step and for her even more so.

I'm Invisable

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the
phone?"
Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or
sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one
can see
me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you
tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock
to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What
number is
the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes
that s tudied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -
but now
they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's
going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return
of a
friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous
trip, and
she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting
there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard
not to
compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style
dress;
it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair
was
pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell
peanut
butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me
with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a
book
on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd
given it
to me until I read her insc r iption: "To Charlotte , with admiration
for the
greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I
could
pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we
have no
record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a
work they
would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no
credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes
of God
saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are
you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by
the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because
Gods ees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the
sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of
kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've
baked, is
too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great
cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease
that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own
self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I
keep
the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of
the
people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to
work on
something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book
went so
far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
becau s ethere are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in
the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey
for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd
built a
shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.
And
then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're
gonna
love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will
marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added
to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM

"I barely got sick once..."

I got the whole "you don't go to school if you're sick" reasoning tonight at bedtime. J is WONDERFUL at stalling and will usually bring up quite a rousing idea right at bedtime. Tonight was "I don't want to go to school tomorrow" (After I said, Good night my first grader). So after I said - yes, you'll go to school tomorrow - he came up with the "not if I'm sick" routine.

"Oh, yeah, not if you're sick. But if you're sick you don't get to play either - even after school is over."

"What if I'm feeling better?"

"Nope, if you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play - even at night"

"But I'd get to do stuff at home - like watch tv"

"Well, no, not really because you'd have to stay in bed and there's no tv in your room. You could listen to the radio."

"Oh, well, I barely got sick ..... once. I don't get sick"

"No, you don't get sick..... Goodnight, J."

"Good night Mom"

You can just hear the wheels turning in there - trying to figure out another topic that will maybe put him in control again.

The wild thing about children is that all in one evening they can have you in stitches laughing, screaming your lungs out AND hugging the stuffing out of them. Esp. that boy. He is a wild roller coaster ride for a parent.

She's Done WELL!!!

VERY well. S has been in big girl undies all week. We went to pick up J today (4 hours round trip) and we had NO accidents!!! When we got home she and J went to play with T and when she came RUNNING in she had just a little in her pants but went a TON more on the toilet. Sorry, I know this is graphic but after 9 years of changing her diapers this is a HUGE success.

J was glad to be home. He said to T "Didn't you miss me,boy?" He was down there all afternoon. They (T&V) came over for dinner tonight and then we took them and ours to meet up with L&E (&Co) to watch fireworks. (Parky's last blast) And finally ice-cream for the ride home. So I think J's re-entry was a good one. :-)

I'm so hoping that we've seen the end of pull-ups. I don't mind doing it at night. We'll tackle that one later. But as of right now I think she's good to go for undies at school. They may have to *nudge* her strongly to go but I think it can be done!

10 Reasons to give thanks for you child with special needs.

Thanks again to my fun little friend, Nancy for sharing stuff she finds:

1. You never have to worry about worrying over nothing.
Let other parents obsess over the frivolous and the shallow. Your child will make sure you always have something worth to worry about.

2. Developmental delays = more years of hugs, kisses and little-kid sweetness.
My 13 year old still wants to sit on my lap, give me hugs, and tell me he loves me. What Mom of a sullen teen doesn't secretly wish for the same?

3. Maybe someday, Ty Pennington will come build you a house.
He, Extreme Makeover; Home Edition loves families of children with special needs. Your little one may be your ticket to a lavish living space.

4. Any little milestone is a cause to throw a party.
Your child works hard for every step, sit up and syllable, giving you lots to be excited about. (Boy don't I know it - ever heard of a poop party???)

5. Every day is a learning experience.
Somedays it's a pop quiz, somedays it's a crash course, but life with your child is always an education, for sure.

6. You have the privilege of putting severl doctors' children through college.
After paying for all those appointments, you may feel like a one-family scholarship foundation. Put your child's name on some letterhead and take pride.(ok, I almost spit on myself. If this isn't the truth!! I just may do this.)

7. You meeet a better class of parent in waiting rooms and support groups.
Your child frees you from having to hang out with those snotty parents on the playground, and gives you entry into an exclusive club of people who are sensitive, sarcastic, and sure of their priorities. (and all waiting rooms turn into support groups)

8. You have an iron-clad escape excuse for any occasion.
You'd love to stay at that boring party, crowded event, endless church service, but you know, your child just can't tolerate it. (And sometimes it's you who can't tolerate it --- who's to know?)

9. Coming up with new strategies every day keeps your brain sharp.
They say doing crossword puzzles helps ward off Alzheimer's. Figuring out your child's schedules and treatments and lessons and rights and restrictions must easily provide twice the protection. (I figure I'm home free on the "you've suffered enough" scale)

10. Your blessing will always be fully counted.
Other parents may take the gifts that their children bring for granted. Not you. Not EVER. (Sing it sistah! You sure got that right!!!)

My "CRAPPY" Week

We started on Monday with an enema. Today we did a suppository. All the while I fill her full of laxative and Metamucil type stuff. S did VERY good yesterday. Today - not so well. We've had about 3 poopy pants and one was WAY bad. She's still trying to hold it. I can see what the Dr meant when he said it would probably take around 3 months or so. But I tell you - I was really hoping yesterday was the start of something GREAT! Oh well, one step forward - 2 back - what else is new.

So my day is spent following herself around and being on poop watch. She really does seem to thrive on the attention. Between her talking CONSTANTLY and the endless drivel of kid's cartoons - I'm just about ready for the rubber room.

S slept in J's room last night. She put her Spongebob in her bed and started the tape and then went to J's room. She's so funny.

J is having a good time. We talked to him on the phone today. He went with Mom and Lois yesterday to get her treatment. I guess he did VERY well. Not sure what was on their agenda today.

Tilt A -- a a a arrrrggghhhhh!!!!!

J had a BLAST on all the rides - S was a little more "reserved". They got to ride about an hour before the rain came in. That stunk. We got something to eat and watched it rain for a while before calling it a day.

T&V came over. That made J happy. They played computer and "school".

I took J down 1/2 way on Sunday. Ran in to TORRENTIAL rain! Lord, it was bad. J read to me on the way and we sang. It always amazes him "how do you know that song?" He just refuses to believe that his Mom was once pretty hip. :-)

So it was S and I on Sunday night. B had to work the fest. We played Mancala and while we were playing B called and invited us to an ice-cream and a lemon-aid shake up. So at 9:00 we ventured out in the rain and had a sweet snack. :-)

S seems to really like the one on one attention. It's so nice to be able to have one of them go and concentrate on the other.

All 9 Rounds

That's what J's lip looks like. He got about 9 stitches last night. At camp they were playing tag and he landed in the bleachers. I didn't think it looked too bad - until he moved the gauze a different way and I saw MEAT hanging. Ugghh. So we headed to BMC and they put in stitches. He did SO well. He fell asleep in the waiting room and then when the 3 inch needle came in he didn't even freak - until they inserted it - but he didn't even need a papoose or to be held down. I was VERY proud.

Dr G (dentist) got him in this morning. Looks like he lost a couple of teeth (the counselors only gave me one tooth) and there's one more VERY loose. But Dr didn't seem too concerned. "Kids are palpable, their bones are soft for a reason" :-) He wants to see J in about 10 days he'll take an xray then. He thinks nature will take care of any impacting or broken chips in there. So that was good news.

We filled J's Rx for Amox today and I came to realize - he's NEVER had an Rx before! 6 years old and med free!! :-)

Just back from registration for school. J has a new teacher and we knew who S was getting. I'm excited - I think they are too. Heard that they have rectified the problem we had with daycare. It's going to cost us more - but I think it will be ok. We'll try it and see what happens. I like the idea of S staying at the school. I just hope the new company can make a positive difference. So $350 later- we're all ready for school.

"Good-bye J's Mom"

I hear this as I'm bending down to kiss J goodbye at camp. Little Drew is playing with the beads on my necklace and saying this. He's a character. J has 2 boys in his group that were in his class at school and one boy who was on his tee-ball team.
So they sit on the curb and play U-Gi-Oh cards until the counselors are ready for the day.

Only 7 couselors for 10 groups today. I wished Tatti good luck. :-) They really are a good group of "kids". She goes to Western. I told her that was my neck of the woods - had just been down there last week. She's a cutie.

Some problems with S and after school daycare. Why can't things EVER run smoothly? The school has turned daycare over to a private company who - in the interest of the almighty $ cuts staff down to nothing and so S would not have an aide. We could hire one - $15 an hour. Not that I think that's unreasonable - I just can't afford it with the usual - it would end up being $21 per hour. So we're going to see if K can take her. Damn. Just when you think things are going to work out ok and no big hurdles this year. Yeah, right. In the world of "special needs" - it's not heard of. There's ALWAYS *something*.

Yaaaaawwwwwnnnnn

Why is it the boy gets up more in the night at age 6 than he ever did as a baby. Granted his big belly of over 10 pounds made it easy for him to sustain through the night but now it's ridiculous. He's up at least 2 times a week. He gets within inches of your face and says "Mom". You jump and then see this face peering at you. "Can I sleep with you?" You have to either slide into the middle of the bed and be squished or escort him back to his bed with water and reset the CD. ugghhh. Disturbed sleep SO sucks!!!

Gene and I will be truckstering south tomorrow. I think we're both pretty excited. Another 4 hour drive. I'm getting to be quite the Driving Miss Daisy guy - what was his name? :-)

My sister, J is down there now - look for LJ to arrive too. It's salsa making time. Mom's party ought to be fun. I think all the cousins are coming. I haven't gotten to visit with a lot of extended family for a while.

Plus - NO getting up early on Sunday!!!! No little faces peering at you in the dark. !!!!!! Can you say HEAVEN!!!!!!

But I need to clean out the car - it's a MESS!! Still have doggie prints on the side where Chunk left a love note in the dust from the gravel road. :-) MR always gives me grief about my car. Yeah, well, it's just a *little* worse than the house. Now, that should scare you. :-)

S's Dr appt on Monday. REALLY looking forward to that. I hope he can give us some hope on the potty horizon! :-)

Did hear from Laura that Marissa is having behavior problems too. So it's not just S. It's always to have company in the "I've had it with my kid" camp. :-)

Stole a bike (and a scooter and a go cart) and away they WALKED

God Lord. Between the times of 3:45 and 4:30 two children stole these items AND a girl down the street saw them doing it! Can you believe that!!! We made a police report this time. This is crazy. It's like the 20th scooter and the like 4th bike!

Went truckstering to get my haircut today. It was fun. Looks like Harry will probably start doing hair in her house soon. That will be cool. Harry is like a good friend now.

Sade got her haircut and S got her's done yesterday. Sade looks so cute. They all love her at the groomers. Say she's so good and never barks and holds so still. Everyone loves Sade.

Looking forward to the weekend. I think Aunt L is too. A whole day and night with no kids. Loooooovvvve it. But I have to make sure sales tax AND payroll is done before I leave. Bleck.

Good to be back.

It's good to be back at work. I do think I was missed. Since he said I had been gone for like a month! :-) We got a new GL program. Well, more like updated and changed around. :-) It'll take a while to get as fast as I was on the old one. It is cool though. Like Quicken it remembers your entrys and puts them in for you when you start to type. Also I don't have to worry about starting new files for new months - hence no wrong dates----- LOVE that!!!

S has had a rough weekend and couple of days. She made it VERY easy to go back to work. Her behavior was just WAY out there this weekend. At breakfast she went VERY autistic with tantrums and everything. :-/ Got the "looks". We usually don't have that much problem. I don't know what's going on with her.

Mr C did a FANTASTIC job for us with Rexie and the house and all. He fed her and changed her litter and even came in a played with her several times. We're so blessed with great neighbors.

Day off tomorrow. And get this - was able to get S into Dr J on MONDAY!!! I'm so pumped about that. I SO hope I won't be disappointed.

J&L gave B some stuff from his Dad. We had a good time looking back though all the pictures I had sent plus a couple of B when he was young. J couldn't believe he wasn't born when S was. He's such a goober.

We've been having war about what he takes for lunch. He "doesn't like hot grapes". Uggh. No, he "doesn't want watermellon or strawberries". If a fruit or veggie ever makes it into that body I'm sure it will take root in all the garbage in that gut.