Mother Tillman

How I hurt for this woman. Not only does she loose her son - but all the cover up about it!!! This country is in such a MESS!!! The government is SO corrupt. It's very hard to see any kind of hope or integrity in any of it. I've always said - it's got to be like hell on earth to loose a child - but then not even to have the correct info on how it happened. Wouldn't it be nice to just clean house. Get rid of all those fat old white men who have no problem sending our children to die and for what???? But there would always be more to take their place. I've never felt so embarrassed by our country, so let down, so humiliated. Is there no one out there to fight the good fight? It's obvious they're not listening to us little people. The poles say he's at an all time low of 20% approval - yet he continues in his stupid John Wayne, bully of a lifetime way. It's just all so sad. Will we ever regain what we have lost?

Back to "normal"?

I FINALLY got my little flat baby back. There's some kind of virus in it - I guess - so I'm going to reserve putting anything important (ie: cc info) to the other one. I also learned a HUGE lesson - tech is nice - but NOTHING beats the Amish pencil and paper when it comes to the check book. Being without my ledger for over 6 weeks is NOT fun and very stupid on my part. I've had to "re-start" all of our finances for the LAST time now. You would think I would have learned my lesson. (duh, duh, duh)

VERY VERY rough day for S yesterday! B wants drugs - I don't know, I'm afraid - as are her aides- AND I think there's a behavior modification that would work - we just need to keep trying. Part of the problem is there is no schedule at camp - well, not like school, which is good - it's summer and S DOES need to learn that and learn to relax, BUT in meantime - we all suffer. Part of the problem is the lack of a consistent aide at camp also - or should I say - lack of consistent aide that knows what the heck she's doing. Makes for some HUGE guilt - that is for sure!!!!

Talked to the boss man yesterday about taking the week off for Potty training. We're good. Did I mention what a great job I have? It's like being your own boss without all the stress of all the money stuff and having your butt on the line. I am so very fortunate. Got all my stuff done for vacation - just have to tie up some loose ends of day to day stuff and of course, pay my amigos. :-)

We had all the neighborhood gang over last night. Fed them hot dogs. They were all pleased. :-) They're all getting along much better. I do think we're ALL ready for a break from the Brook.

Stamping tonight. I can't wait. Plus I get my jewelry from K. We always have such a nice time there. I'm anxious to see the new stuff. Have to pick a Christmas card too. It would be nice to pick something and then take a picture of the kids in the "country" and have THAT all done. :-)

Got a letter from Kristine yesterday. Her handwriting is beautiful. She asks a lot of questions and most of them I have already answered - which makes me wonder about the timeliness of letters. Seems ours must have crossed each other. We'll have to send her some pictures of our "vacation" . I wonder if it would be possible to send her a camera and have her send it back. I'll have to ask about that.

Kris and Jennifer were back from last Sunday and said they had taught the kids in Africa the Chicken Dance. I think that's funny. Jimmy then told us all about how *they* call it the Duck Dance. What do you expect from Missourians. :-) So I'll have to ask Kristine if she knows the Chicken Dance. :-)

No Sun today. :-/

Kind of blah today. My lip is MUCH better - but still bugs the crap out of me. We're all anticipating vacation on Friday. The kids went to Kane Co Cougar game yesterday. J caught a ball from the Cougar, himself. He was SO pleased. S didn't think it was all that cool. But she likes to "go".

I swear, next year - I'm going to do more prep for Summer. I need a DEFINITE plan for vacation and gma visits AND I need to have a number for the aide for S. I have a couple of choice words for J at JBSRA. Inclusion is NOT a good thing with that Dept - and I wouldn't mind seeing it go to PD that hires the counselors. I've had MUCH better info from them. As of right now I'm not sure who her aide is. And though she doesn't really REQUIRE one to participate - she DOES need one to take her to the bathroom.

Got a new client yesterday. I kind of like that - learning new stuff - BUT I don't care for setting up all the files. I HATE filing and I really don't know why. It IS instant gratification - there is an END to it. These are two of my requirements on liking something. :-) Like mowing the grass.

Thinking about how to make up a schedule of what we will be doing the week before school. Potty training. ;-) I've talked to S about how you can't wear pull ups to 4th grade. Thought I'd just start laying the seed. Then when we get back from vacation we'll mark the week out on her calendar and talk about wearing our big girl pants that whole week. Maybe we'll plan a trip to the hill for the concert and take a BIG jacket - in case of accidents and then just leave if we have any. That could be a trip out that wouldn't be hard to leave in an instance AND wouldn't inconvenience anyone but us. I want to plan things where she can succeed but also make it easy for her if she doesn't. Didn't we all say "don't sweat potty training - no one ever goes to college in diapers". Well, I beg to differ. :-0 But I figure if we do fail at the WHOLE week - then it's definitely a muscle issue and that *I* cannot fix. But I secretly think a whole week just might do it. But I HAVE to prepare *myself* because I KNOW S and how stubborn she can be. :-)

I'm almost finished with Qtlys at work. THAT feels good. The more payroll we can do for clients the better. That way I don't have to wait for them to get stuff in to start. So I was glad to see we'll be doing payroll for the new client. So I don't think me being gone will be that big a deal for MR. The end of Aug MIGHT have some problems - I'll have to talk to him about it.

Plan, plan, plan. Oh to be a man and just show up or not. :-)

Are my ears bleeding?????

Oh Good Lord!!! I THOUGHT I missed the girl....... 2 hours trapped in a car with her. Breathe - breathe - breathe. There were some tense moments when I told her we wouldn't eat at Mc D's in McClean but would meet Daddy at the Sticker Rest. We got there (after what seemed like days) and I asked B if my ears were bleeding. "They not bleed, Mommy - they just red." Still has her humor! :-)

She had a good time at Gma and Gpa's. Dan's store, Lola's, quilting, Windmill, Quincy, Aunt J's to visit Tiny (Miss Kitty was out chasing mice) and of course feeding squirrels and birds. She's so funny. Told me all about quilting and that she got an owie on her finger from the pins. "gotta be careful with pins." She self talks.

After lunch I took her to camp. They have a carnival today. Ok, I've never been to the carnival. It is COOL!!! The whole thing is roped off and counselors sit at the entrance. Inside is all kinds of jumpy things, slip and slides, dunk the counselor games, dancing, watermelon eating contests, snacks, train and climbing wall. They all run around and do whatever they please. It is a HUGE production. She was SO excited she could hardly get out of the truck without falling. I told B - I want to go to the carnival! J came over - gave her a hug AND a bag of chips. Is he not a cutie or what??? :-) Sometimes that kid surprises me.

I am SO stupid!

OMG!! I did not use sunscreen yesterday and I have a sunburn that is so severe (or I'm a big whimp) that I have slept ALL day today!!!! I feel physically sick to my tummy. I feel like the BIGGEST LOSER on the face of the planet. I mean - I put Sunscreen on J - who is BROWN - but me - no..... who puts sunscreen on a livey livered white person????? STUPID WOMAN!!!!!! God, I feel like a complete idiot.

We went to watch B play softball yesterday - it was supposed to be only 1 game - it turned into 4. Full timers against the part timers. Have you ever seen anyone catch a fly ball in the outfield AND hold a beer? A pitcher smoke AND pitch? It was interesting to say the least. It was a really good time, though. I love the Village People. I met Becky - she is SO nice and I really like her and CR as a couple. He really deserves someone that nice. R was there too - she is such a crack up! LOVE her - also I think she is so pretty. It was fun sitting with the women - why can't tee-ball have nice women like that?

So, anyway - we also had lunch there. Jason fired up the bbq and J meandered over - came back and told me that there were chips over there. I said that we were going to have lunch here and he says "I wish S was here."

"Oh, do you miss S?" <- me

"No, she just loves chips." Is that not cute?? Plus, yes, she does love chips. I've heard from S the last couple of days - the first thing she says is "you pick me up Saturday at McDonalds?" Agenda, agenda with that girl.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy World

Should I be concerned that my mom thinks that if she calls my home phone and I'm not home it will ring my cell? In a way, it's a progressive thought of hers and in a way it's a very misguided "are you in there" thought.

We truckstered down half way south and made "the switch" today. S was SO excited. I was happy to finally have feeling back in my ears. :-) 4 hours of driving is hard on a person - and I get to do it again on Friday - AND then go to work. :-/ Not real sure that's going to happen - so just in case, I'm going in on Monday.

J's not feeling quite right lately. The boy is BURNING hot to the touch and complains of a headache now and again. He's eating pretty good and the other end seems ok - just fit full sleep and the "hots".

Rexie is back - clawless and uterus - less. Her shaved part is hysterical. Cats were definitely made for fur. She keeps licking her paws. We just had the front ones done. I honestly would have left them but she just wasn't learning. EVERY morning she would scratch the chair in our bedroom and EVERY morning I would squirt her with my squirt gun (permanent fixture on my nightstand) and she just didn't stop. SO to save my furniture and her life (not to mention the kids - notice how my concern for them is AFTER the furniture) :-) I think it was a wise decision.

Ok, this is what kills me - they cut me open and take out a human being - I get2 days - they take out her claws - 3 days!!!!! Can you believe it???? There's just something sick and wrong about that.

More craziness - B's father passed tonight. He had cancer. In the end he was having a lot of seizures. I always find it very interesting how death affects different people. Maybe interesting isn't the correct word. I don't know.

We believe that B's father was the same age as mine. 78. Or at least he would have been in Sept. VERY different human beings.

Not sure if B will attend whatever ceremony there will be. We'll have to see what he decides. I'm glad it's not my decision.

Speaking of death. My Dad is going through that whole thing that Grandma did with all of his friends passing. Shorty was the last to go. Him and Dad worked for the County together, went to school together - I think they played ball together too, and finally worked at Adams Tel together. Dad said he was pretty bad in the end. It's so sad that the body has to linger like that.

On a lighter note - I do believe I undid everything in 4 hours of driving that I worked out in Yoga yesterday. Have I told you about Yoga? Loooovvveeee Ittt! I cannot believe how much I SWEAT! I NEVER sweat - even when L and I did the running thing and the lifting thing I didn't sweat near as much as I do in Yoga. It's crazy - but it is fun and I can already see that I'm making progress. I'm able to get further in my poses.

So this was the plan tonight - J was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted - we're not going to church in the morning - we are sleeping in. J and I sat down to watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks tonight and he was out my 8:15. So much for sleeping in. :-) CRAZY.

Very rough week for the girl

Well, S has a new aide at camp. It all started when she reported that Miss P had said that if she wasn't good she wasn't going on the field trip. I immediately slipped into lion position. Then S started saying over and over that she was bad. And on Tues was told that she wasn't swimming or making ice-cream on THURS!!! I LOST it. Made QUITE a voice mail message for Jill and the next morning proceeded to talk to the head counselors. I also cautioned Jill that Miss P should maybe be relieved of working with any children. I just don't get these people. God knows we all loose it occasionally but the threat #1 was an idle threat. That would NEVER happen. And I very casually mentioned that I knew legally that 504 would eat them alive. When B picked them up that night - they practically bent over backwards for him. :-)

I'm really not one to take pleasure in being a bad ass. I USUALLY write good guy letters about this camp. I'm truly in awe of the kids they find to work there - they are the most polite and helpful people I've ever met. And usually S LOVES camp. So, I guess I should have known something was up. And again - it's not so much the camp - but the JBSRA aide. I told Jill she should consider in house training.

S goes to Grandma's tomorrow. That will be a nice break. The boy has been playing SO hard lately and staying up so late. He's grouchy and kind of nasty. Again - I SO love school and the routine. But this is what summer is about and I shouldn't deny it to him.

Mommy guilt is a bitch and I've got a lot of it lately.

Crack Boom Munch Munch Munch

Our 4th was terrific. We went with Mr Chad and Co to watch fireworks and S ate her way through 40 minutes of blasts. :-) Patrick and Allison are in and the kids are having a blast. I've never seen someone SO identical to S. They all get along VERY well. The problem is - between those two and ours - Mr Chas will prob NEVER touch Ms Jen again. :-)

So we're back to camp and work and the regular grind. The kids are playing every night will around 8:30. They're loving their new found freedom.

I'm sleeping SO well, in my new bed. It's SO nice. Need to catch up on laundry again this weekend. (surprise) Plus make plans for the trip down south. So much to do, so little time. What else is new?! :-)

Party Party Party

Had a GREAT jewelry party!!! SO much fun and I learned a LOT. I now know just who should be invited to this stuff. :-) D and J were SO funny. C said she never laughed so much. S was so out of her usual shell and then of course THE advisor - L. We really had a ball.

Sat D,L,J&J came over and then Mr C. THAT was a lot of fun too. I think we may have C&J over next weekend. I finally feel free. Really free.

So, I've decided that the week before school (no camp) J is going to Gma's and S is getting a whole week of potty training. Tomorrow I have to do some planning and make some phone calls about Rexie and Sade.

Oh and we got our new bed - it's SO great!!!! Looooveeee it!!! It was a trip getting it up - not so much the new one but putting the old one downstairs. I was just VERY tired today.

Really having a time lately with what and who to believe lately. I'm really upset with stuff in the news lately - just seems so hopeless sometimes. This administration is SO tainted - but aren't they all?? And then you realize that NO one tells the truth - there is no dependability. It's all an act. I'm personally sick of it. SO fake. And the thing is - that's fine - but then don't pretend about it. uggh. Well, such is life.

Why is it

That when your husband is home and you think you'll have extra hands and help to get the kids ready that it actually takes LONGER to get ready than normal??? NEVER been late to camp - today - 15 minutes. It was like that when I was younger and my Mom would have a day off too. It NEVER went smoothly. I'm just not a people person. :-)

So boss man leaves tomorrow. Got my instructions today. He's so funny. "I don't care if the place burns to the ground - don't call me. And if you run out of checks just forge my signature."

Well, now - that I know the rules...... :-) Seems I have some shopping to do!!! hee hee hee.

The parents come tomorrow. I'm elected to get them from the train. B is elected to do some shopping. :-) Then we're doing the whole brunch thing.

AND..... I have my Par tay tomorrow! :-) Ok, talking to M last night. I was talking about how I'm always so nervous when having people over. He says "that's the difference between guys and girls. Guys just say no."

"What, if Scott N asked you to have a party for him because he was starting a new business, you wouldn't?"

"No, I'd say, Sorry Scott you're gay."

"Oh, So if Scott were gay he wouldn't be your friend? That's real nice."

"No, he'd still be my friend - I just wouldn't have his little gay parties."

I'm busting a gut by this time.

Who's that big girl?

Village Picnic today. Ran into M. I used to babysit her and her brother - but I had her from 6 mo. and now she is in 6th GRADE!!! She's almost as tall as I am!!! S didn't recognize her and said "Who's that big girl?" It was cute.

Left Dad there - he's doing the OT thing. So I'm "babysitting" as usual> :-) STILL doing the Power Laundry.

Gpa and Gma come in Friday - so also need to do the Power Cleaning. :-)

POWER Laundry

Got the spare room full of every piece of clothing we own. Time for some power laundry!!! :-)

As I'm waiting for my washer - new tech - pfftttt - give me my old washer back. Anyway - as I'm waiting - I'm looking around and figuring out what to do with the *new* room I will get when the garage is done and there is NO ebay CRAP in my house!!!! Oh, I will skip and sing and tra la la la la.

I am seriously thinking I could set up a little sitting room down there AND have my scrap book stuff out all the time. Oh, to be able to watch movies this winter AND scrap book. Heaven, I'm in Heaven. :-) It can't get done fast enough for me. :-)

Then of course I'm going to nag about my kitchen being done. :-) My kitchen will be SO nice when we get what we want. Plus I think it will really lend itself to having kids in and out like we do.

What color God is

So, do *you* know what color God is? When B put J to bed tonight J said "how did you know I was in here?" "I know everything, I'm Dad"
"huh uh - you don't know what color God is".

I almost fell off my chair! Oh, the stuff this kid comes up with.

The other day after he got his uniform on for tee ball he stood up nice and tall, put his hands on his hips and said "I'm the perfect man."
Oh, so humble too. :-)

Not fun to be a Mom lately

It's been a rough week. Got a call about S this morning at work. What am I supposed to do at work?? Ugghhh - I SO hate when people SAY they've worked with Special Needs before and they really haven't. Her aide didn't have the foggiest about how to handle S. Ended up just giving me a head ache - made it almost impossible to concentrate at work (hence input on the wrong date)dang. So instead of an easy Friday - well, you know.

Stuff like that makes you start to question every decision. I HATE second guessing.

Dang - just a stressful hectic week.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous this country has become? We are prosecuting certain people for lying but the thing is - EVERYONE in government is lying. They lied about the cause of war, Clinton lied about Monica, on and on and on. If their mouths are open - they're lying. It's like Teddy sitting in judgement of Clinton - we don't see how STUPID we must look to other countries? Then we have the audacity to go over and "save" the world??? WTF????

Bush was quoted yesterday as saying "that's not going to happen in MY government". That's the thing - it is THEIR government - all of them - left and right alike. They don't do what's best for the *people* - hell most of them don't even know what it's like to BE one of us. Daddy Bush had no idea we had scanners at the cash register. Pearl lady thought Katrina victims found the Super dome comfy.

Is it that we all, myself alike, kind of keep busy with Paris and stupid stuff like that because the REAL issues are just SO hopeless?? I know I tend to busy myself with daily life and just when I finally get enough stupidity and hypocrisy I finally stand up and say "do you really think we're that f--ing stupid?" And yes, they do.


And just so my head doesn't blow off my shoulders I'm going to turn my attention now to the unimportant: my cat. Ok, as many of you know, I have lost my mind - but I do not lie. So when I tell you - my cat plays fetch - you can believe me. And the really wild part that I saw yesterday is that she brings the thing to you and meows till you play. She is really starting to grow on me. I think it's time to have her de-clawed. She's a keeper. Today she was lying on the couch and Sadie walked by her - she stretched out her paw and just let it slide down Sade's back as she went by. It was really cute - then she stretched her toes and hair fell out! Sadie didn't seem to mind. They are funny together. The thing that really kills me is that Sadie chases other cats out of the yard - but for some reason has decided that Rex is ok. I really live in a crazy house. :-)

We went to O and A's game last night. J loves to sit on my lap and watch. I tried to explaining the strike zone, a full count, on deck, a bunt, and the in field fly rule. He is funny. He really like the whole lingo of the game. I've got a bet with B that J will (at the next tee-ball game) do the "grab the air" at bat when he's up. I noticed that it was after the first softball game we watched that he tipped home plate when up to bat. At last night's game the other team grabbed the air behind the plate as they dug in - I have a feeling we will see this on Saturday. I can also tell J has a good head for the game - like the rest of my family. It's like a 6th sense of where the ball is going to go - I think it kind of skipped me. I'm more like Sal - have more intuition of feelings or personal stress than sports.

J also told me that he would like to work at the bank. He thought he could start tomorrow. :-) I told him that when he was 16 he could work anywhere he wanted to. I like that kind of spunk. Granted he can't get his room clean - he's always so tired, or his foot hurts, or his tummy hurts, or he'll do it later. But I'm SURE he'll be able to "work" when he's a teen. yeah right.

I think S is tired out. She's been kind of cranky lately. Though she did sit very well last night. (provided you feed her - she'll do anything) But this morning you could tell she just wasn't up for it. Lots of yawning. We'll need to get to bed a little earlier next week. They'll be swimming more and they have a field trip.

I need to get to bed a little earlier too. Now that EVERYONE has to be ready by 8:30 WITH lunch it gets a little more complicated. Plus we need to read in the mornings. We've missed out at night. With all the stuff going on - we just never know when we'll get in.

Cicada, cickada

OMG!!! The noise these creatures make is unbelievable! They were supposed to emerge on May 22 or something like that. Evidently, Bbk cicadas are fashionably late. I thought to myself, when walking to my car and barely being able to hear myself think, if I were a deer - I'd jump in front of a van today. Lord, it's the most annoying sound. Worse than that "this is a test" buzzer. And remember, it doesn't stop. We can hear them IN the office - through the windows (which don't open).

So camp has started. They both had a great time. J swims today and S does tomorrow. They get to be together in the pool on Friday. And they go bowling this week. J LOVES it! S does too - she just doesn't show it like he does. He practically jumps up and down when it's time to go.

I started a *real* Yoga class yesterday - just for me. I LOVE it! Of course all the toxins I got rid of - I put back in with a bag of chips last night. My body seems to crave toxins. :-)

You know what I like....

I like that my daughter is ecstatic when she gets a hand me down tee-shirt.

I like that both my kids prefer their wading pool.

I like that a Popsicle makes it seem like summer.

I like that when you get out paper and a crayon they smile.

I like that they accept the phrase "ask Santa" as a response to "I want....".

I like that J beams all over when he runs the bases at tee-ball.

I like that S skips when they're told they can go down to Tommy's.

I like that dry Spider man cereal is one of their favorite snacks.

I like that they invent ways to "surf" in the wading pool.

I like that my husband waited up for me last night.

I like that there is a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my kitchen table.

I like that my house is well lived in.

I like that the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing right through the back door.

Reflection of the day:

From the Spark:

Investing time and energy in others

People usually talk of "spending" energy and time on others. As if once it's used, it's gone. But in reality, that effort is a powerful investment. It's an investment because you'll get more of both in return. When a match lights a candle, the match's flame doesn't shrink--if anything, it grows. In the same way, you'll be even more inspired and successful by building others up. The bonus is that they'll also be better equipped to return the favor. Take action today to make someone's life a little better. Come up with just one nice thing to do for each of the important people in your life, one little thing that can make all the difference. After all, what good does it do to improve your health or your life if you're not going to do anything with it?


I want to talk about the opposite. I tend to get sucked in - well, no, wait- I do it to myself so it's more like I tend to hear someone's problem and then JUMP into/on it and then come crashing down when the other doesn't spend NEAR as much energy on it. I have realized this and actually stopped myself recently with the drama of The Hoods. All the crap with Father Hood and I was actually able to foresee it, and step aside!!!! Man, that is SO great. Now, I must be vigilant to make sure I don't fall into my old habit. :-)

Lord, What have we become?

elaine writes:

3,500 dead American sons/daughters. 14,208 wounded, returned 2 duty. 11,622 maimed, not able to return 2 duty. 300,000 traumatic brain injured americans. Talk at the water cooler 2day? Paris! i cry

yes yes yes yes yes



I borrowed this from another blog. I feel this same way. It's like we're in the Twilight Zone. This is all happening and no one seems to care. There's SO many lies we were sold. SO much corruption - in both parties. It's so scary and it's just feels hopeless. I mean, will it EVER change? We've GOT to get these kids HOME!!! The powers that be don't have a clue what they're doing. And our kids are paying the price!!!

Do we "care" about Paris and other things because the truth is WAY to scary? Have we hid our heads in the sand? There are SO many families who are FORCED to think about it everyday because they are missing a loved one and are praying for their return. I can't imagine the heartache. How do you put your life on hold?

There should just NEVER be war. In this age - isn't there something else we could do to solve our differences? Checkers? Football? I don't know - maybe *talking* God forbid.

Just seems like we've learned nothing. Just seems to me that we aren't the country -we say we are. Seems like we have a dictator- not a democracy. And that goes in ALL levels of government. It's all about power and the almighty dollar. So who are we to go over and preach to anyone else when our own backyard is such a MESS?!!!!

Sniff, Tear, Sniff

I HATE goodbyes. The last day of school today. Hugs and thank yous and of course tears. I HATE when things change. Hmmmm - sounds a lot like S - maybe I do have the Autism gene. :-) So we say goodbye to one of the greatest teams. I ask myself - since coming to Salk - have you had a team you didn't like? No, but I had members I didn't like - not this year. And of course we've had the same aides for what - 2 years now. I will SO miss them. THAT team is tremendous!!! Mrs G - "got me" - she got my humor - my stress - my passion. I love her.

J and I walked to school to pick up S - the Jr High was walking home - can I just say how much I DETEST Jr High kids. Ugghhh. I SO don't want to think of S going to Jr High - only 2 more years and then SCARY!!!!!!!!!

Bella - S's running mate - came up and thanked me for the fax I sent yesterday. I wrote congratulations to them all and thanks for being so good to S. Wasn't that sweet?? Of course Quinn came over and said goodbye. S has got a FANTASTIC class.

I just can't stop tearing up - I just don't want it to end. It went so well this year - she made such HUGE progress - I want it to go on and on and on.