MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Choir Boy Sings

After GLUING hand made Cop outfit to his Jammies

Autistic Eyes

If I had a chance to see through her eyes
I wonder what I would see
A world in color mixed and mashed
Tie dyed and changed
An array of colors ever shade
Finer tuned and focused than the rest
Some find it alien
I find it beautiful
A world only she can see
Hidden behind her shaggy hair and blue moon eyes
That sparkles in the light like midnight stars
Shining far away in some place man hasn't
Discovered

Claire Smith

"What I Want You to Know About Me and My Autism

- I am inside.

- The words are there, the voice is not.

- Being autistic is a battle that stays.

- Your world hurts me.

- Sounds pay me visits after I leave them.

- I need autism to breathe.

- Autism is awful, but I am not awful.

- I act dumb but am smart. Please be my friend.

- We can't be friends when you hate autism.

- Be an explorer who finds treasure beyond the strangeness.
"Are Your Eyes Listening?" Sarah Stup

BOIL BLOOD BOIL

Reading my Autism "support" email today - O M G!!!!!! Complaints about yesterday's special needs party!!!! Their kids didn't get EXACTLY what they wanted AND they had to WAIT!!!! GASP!!! Poor little Precious had to WAIT! Are you kidding me????? Lord, give me the strength not to bash the heads in of parents who are more HANDICAPPED than their children ever will be!!!

I wonder just what it is that THEY volunteer for. I know for a fact they all live on the west side - so this means they HAVE money. It's not like this is the ONLY present little precious will receive!!! And as for waiting well - isn't your job to ENABLE your child to live in the REAL world - and GUESS WHAT???? That's right - special needs or not they're going to HAVE to wait sometimes!!!

Parents are SO ignorant sometimes!!!!!

Santa should send them some coal - if they put it up their butts --- well, they'd get diamonds! :-)

And my heart grew 3 sizes today!

JBSRA Christmas Party!!!!!! 'Nough said! Can I just say - those "pirates" know how to do it up right!!!!! Chicken soup = Goooooddd, Sandwich = Gooooodddd, cake and ice-cream = Gooooodddd! The company = out of this world!!!! Santa arrived by fire truck again. The kids are unbelievable! SO excited SO appreciative! They're all happy to be there. Really puts your life into perspective when that fire engine rolls around the parking lot and grown adults jump and shout! Always makes me bawl. Talked to Shanon today - she's looking forward to S being in Social Club. I'm really glad we put her in.

Ok, after this extravaganza we came home, put on the Christmas music and made candy! Can I just say serious baking has NOTHING on us!!!! We are GOOD candy makers - I mean it. J stayed and helped the whole time - over an hour. S did EVERYTHING except oven work. I was shocked!!!! And our trials only resulted in one failure - the mint trials = EXCELLENT!!!! We could work for Keebler, we're so good!

Then on to watch COPs and Goosebumps. Too funny! We've decided tomorrow we write Santa and send out Christmas cards. We have decided that it'd be best to clean up a little before that. ;-)

They've earned more than 40 chips this week so they get to pick from the prize bucket too. And who knows maybe we'll start the candy factory again. :-)

All Smiles at Meadowbrook

J's choir went to Meadowbrk Manner today and sang for the elders. They were SO good! They all smile and really get into it. Mr D is SO good with the kids. The old folks really got a kick out of them. I, of course, got all puddled up. I don't know why - but I can't watch them without bawling. :-)

We still don't have a tree up. I just now ordered some stuff for the kids online. We're talking about what to give who and B's idea for Aunt J was a 19 inch TV with a loooonnnnggggggg cable line. :-) I guess that way he won't see "Shadows". :o)

Christmas is SUCH a hard time for me. I just really dislike Christmas. I could SO easily go Pagan here.

Winterfest at school last night. That was a good time. We invested in the Book Fair again. :-) Can't say no when it comes to books. :-)

Work is getting crazy. Bossman is getting all tax season crazy on me. :-) I no longer need glasses. He invested in a new computer and the screen is about 27 inches! Seriously - I had to back up the other day when I went into IDOR. Crazy, man, crazy. :-)

I have THE coolest School!!!!

Went to my first JS Improvement/PBIS meeting. WOW!!! The ideas these people have are FANTASTIC!!! I was SO impressed. I mean - I always thought my school was the best but now I'm POSITIVE!!! All those a holes who criticize this district should sit in on a couple of these meetings!!! We have TWO sets of Mom/Daughter teachers. I didn't realize that. J's teacher is a daughter of a 2nd grade teacher we have and one of the Ana Room Teachers is a daughter to a 2nd grade teacher who has been at JS for 30 years!!!!!!! Not to mention there are over 4 teachers who have children in this school. I think that speaks VOLUMES.

We've only had 43 referrals since school began and since our population encompasses some of the apartment buildings - I think that's VERY good. I'm so very impressed with what they do with discipline and positive rewards. I can't WAIT till the next meeting. I just can't get over the wonderful ideas everyone came up with and all the work that they VOLUNTEER to do!!!! Reaffirms in me that I could NEVER be a teacher - they work WAY too hard!!!! :-)

On a different note. The boy was "sick" today. (see the link). This was him for about 20 minutes then all of a sudden he was all better. I told him he was VERY lucky that I had the day off already because if I would have called off work and then he was ok - I would HAVE to go nam on him. <- direct quote from Aunt L. :-)
Ugghhh - THAT one is a head case!!!!

S had a good day today. She's all about getting those Little People that she's been promised. She seemed really with it today and you should see her do the computer games downstairs!!! She can get herself on now too. I'm really impressed with her.

Don't call him Yellow

Unless of course, you're talking about his belt. J passed his yellow belt test in TKD. He really did well and the real kicker - he had to sit silently with other kids for over 2.5 hours!!! We are SO proud of him.

S stayed with Aunt L. I felt bad because I honestly didn't think it would be that long. And it was FREEZING!!! B and I decided next time to bring some wood and make a fire - also some weenies and marshmellows. :-)

I volunteered to be on the Improvement Com for JS. We have our first meeting tomorrow - I'm anxious to see what it's all about.

B put up some of the Christmas stuff outside today. J was outside most all day!!! S is coming down with a cold I think. Her whiney voice is starting to get hoarse.

Team meeting this Thurs. THAT ought to be interesting. I WANT MS G BACK!!!!

Christmas, Smishmas

Ugghhh - can I just say how much I dislike Christmas. There's just WAY too much to do normally let alone add on the whole decorations, cooking, card writing - it's just too overwhelming.

The kids are having a great time with the Advent calendar. Of course the excitement makes them wake at 6:30 - so say goodbye to any quiet alone time in the morning.

I've helped with Book Fair the last two days and I've loved it. I should be a librarian. Well, maybe just for kids' books. :-) The new thing seems to be the Wimpy Kid Diary or Diary of a Wimpy Kid - something like that and Coke or Pepsi. We sold out of both VERY quickly.

The kids are so cute "Aren't you J's Mom?" "Hi S's Mom". I have no identity anymore - just known by who my kids and husband are.

Also got a call to be on the School Improvement committee. I said I would. We meet Monday already!!! Ought to be interesting. Got to talk to S's favorite guys - Quinn and Nicky - they are TOO funny.

Got my paperwork done today - now I have to spend ALL day tomorrow and reclaim the house.

J's belt test is tomorrow also. THAT ought to be VERY interesting. So we'll sign him up again and I swear I'm going to get S into a swimming class if it kills me. It's just too good a therapy at too good a price to pass up. Who knows, it might improve her behavior too. ;-)

Calendar Nazi strikes again

7:00 am this morning ---- ALL of our calendars have been changed and December events written down. That's right she's up and she's on a mission: "It's not November anymore". Gotta love her.

She's been "sick". Really she's constipated. Our trip south screwed up our poop schedule and she held "things"- so now we're paying for it. She threw up yesterday and I kept her home from school. She was NOT happy!!!! But she got over it and we watched Dora and took a nap with Rexie. By the time Dad got home she was raring to go. I had to go in to work and finish stuff so her and dad hung out and then walked to school to get J. She was very pleased to be able to do that.

In the morning, after she had gotten sick - I cleaned her up and as I was changing her she had a strange look on her face and I asked her if she needed to throw up again. "No thank you" was her reply. Later on, while she was resting on the couch, Rexie came up and started meowing. S said "Rexie, be silent - I'm sick". She cracks me up.

J was unbelievable! He was SO concerned for S. He rubbed her back and told her it was going to be ok. B came home and took J to school. As J climbed into the truck he told his Dad: "S threw up and I had to leave the room because she made me want to throw up." He is DEF a man! :-)

Gpa called this morning to see how his gal was doing. We should all be so sick. We just need to get "things" "through" and we'll be fine. Lots of errands to do today and they're calling for some real nasty weather. Gpa says it's already very slick there. I just hope we can get to the "Pretty Lights" today and see Santa or we're going to have a very upset little girl.

Only the Shadow Knows

Ok - *I* find this SO funny. B thought he saw a shadow on the wall of our bedroom at Aunt J's house. Now, I will admit that the dogs were going crazy in the garage. But I just figured it was an animal or something traveling through the yard. But B swears it was a person - and he saw the shadow. Even when I asked him - now how could anyone get out here without a vehicle? Plus it was cold that night - and snowing. I think his imagination is on overtime. J and I can't figure out how anyone can be freaked when they grew up in the "city".

What a GREAT time we had this holiday! We started with B-fast at Gma and Gpa's as usual. Then on to Aunt J's and a little down time. Thursday brought in all the usual players. All the kids - and boy, did they have a good time. Mad Dog did NOT wnat to leave that night. K&L stayed overnight and S went home with the Grans. J and L (who are cut from the same cloth) were thick as thieves and B and K were buds all night. Then on Friday we took all the kids to Bonkers and Mick met us there with his 2. Again - they all had a GREAT time! Casonoes after that - then K-mart and ended with a trip though the avenue of lights - all of which totally thrilled the kids.

Saturday we got K&L early and B and I and S went into town to the Grans and got some meat and stuff from the Windmill. Then to McComb and shopping. My sister then put on a big spread for us and Tod's. THAT was a lot of fun too. Those guys stayed till about midnight. We (the girls') beat the guy's butts in Tribond. We have the best time with those guys. They're SO like us - as parents and such.

My kids's got to see first hand how to clean out stalls and shovel manure. Or scoop poop as Stinky L would say. :-) The teachers will have a LOT to hear on Monday. It was pretty when we put the horses in the first night- it had just started snowing and there were big flakes blowing around through the lights above the stable. Bubba had to be first (as always) - I get so tickled watching him. He's the smallest but the orneriest - ruling with kick or a nip. Storm is loosing weight and no one knows why. She's so sweet - but you can just see in her eyes that she's just not quite right. The other kids are just their normal selves. They all stood and watched on Saturday morning as Gma/Aunt J played jail with K,L and J. She caught all of them and *they* quit before she did. (did you really ever have a doubt) :-)

So here we sit - watching the game, in front of the fireplace, waiting for Pizza to be delivered. S is in her room - making sure no one disturbed her people while we were gone and J is down at Tommy's. We go back to bread and water tomorrow. My God, we ate enough to kill a small bull.

I really love going south. J said this morning what I was thinking "but I don't want to go home". I wasn't quite ready myself. It's just fun to do nothing - to just visit and laugh and kid around. Not to mention having someone feed you all the time. My sister is a cooking fool and she says she likes it. I don't know - not me - I suck at cooking. I'm trying to take some mental notes from her. S would love it if I could make gravy like she does. :-)

What a happy, happy Thanksgiving. Thanks to everyone!

The Mouse King

We made it through the yearly performance of Nutcracker that we go to every year. S did REALLY well - of course we ALL bribed her - school and us. :-) J loves it and never has a problem sitting still and being quiet.

During the week S told me "You're a nice lady" as I combed her hair to the side. And J asked "What if I cheat?" When we told him it was time to play by himself. The stuff that comes out of their mouths is so funny sometimes.

I had team meeting this week. Things are going better at school lately. Thank God - I was just about to my breaking point with all the bad news. J of course has stepped up his nasty game. He's been on a green card streak lately. Also told a child he hated him. ugghh. Drives me nuts - that boy.

Report cards came out and as usual J has done VERY well - several E's which means he exceeds the district standards. But of course - since he IS J - he "needs work" on "self control" and "following directions". No duh. :-) He has a tendency to rush through things too. The problem is that - the answers are RIGHT! ugghh - can't even count on natural consequences to help me out with that boy.

S is all excited about T-giving coming up and going to Aunt J's. I saw this morning in her room that she's even packed a couple of animals in a old back pack that is SUPPOSED to be in the closet. Just try and take off without *that* girl.

So Bolingbrook is in the news again. Drew Peterson's wife, Stacy, has disappeared and there is media all over his street (so I hear). He's been on Today and Fox News. We're pretty much all over the nation. Robin, on my Oct list had heard of the case. I guess the really weird thing(s) are that 1. his 3rd wife (Stacy is his 4th) died of "drowning" but in looking at the coroner's report they have re-opened the case - because it seems to be consistent with a staging of an accident. Plus his 2nd wife has come forward and declared she was scared to death of him and the 3rd wife (drowning victim) had written to just about anyone who would hear that if she disappeared they should look to him first. I don't know - hate to say "guilty till proven innocent" - but this one seems true - either that or he is one UN lucky man. He says the wife took off with another man. She had two kids and had adopted his from the other marriage. Her oldest was 4 - there's NO way any woman would have left two that little. She would have taken them with. So again - this horrific stuff reaches my little world.

Tim S's wife/murderer is being tried right now. She's claiming she was abused verbally and passively by him withholding affection. There's a LOT of men that should be dead if THAT was all it took to turn a woman. Palease! I just don't get it . But as I was thinking about these two cases today it occurred to me that murders like this - esp spouses, seem to think they are WAY smarter than anyone else. The rest of us say stuff like - sure, there's times I'd have like to kill him but I never would - much less would I be able to cover it up --- but not them - they think they are smarter. Because look at all the cases where they have solved the case - look at all of them who have gone to jail. But not these people - *they* are smarter.

It's a VERY sad situation - not only is it the two involved in the marriage - but the kids and then the rest of the family. Mom, Dad, sister, brother - even us - the friends of Mom or the killed. It puts a big hole in the atmosphere.

It's strange how someone you don't know affects you. Every time I drive up to park at work and look at those woods - instead of seeing the beauty of the fall I keep looking in to see if I can see a body or anything. Haunting.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-----Robert Frost


I was introduced to this poem though song in High School. I loved it - still do - but looking back at it - it has a HUGE message for me right now. I HAVE taken the road less traveled. Even though it might not have been my choice. Little did I know then just how much this poem would resemble my life.

I am not the first traveler for sure. The first were those women whose plight was so misunderstood - they were judged, they were torn away from their children. I can't tell you how my heart goes out to them and the debt I feel to them.

Travel - keep on keepin' on. Perfect analogy for this life. Traveling, never feeling "at home". Seems like every thing that we find that "works" - does so only for a short time.

Today was a bad day again - according to school. I'm getting so frustrated. Some things are really going gangbusters - the conversation, the way she helps herself, but the behavior is just got me stymied.

She was Cinderella tonight at the Halloween (Fall Fest) Party at school. JES does the BEST job at school functions. I'm always amazed how many people show up to help, plan and what a great job they do. J was a Power Ranger. *He* was given the liberty to roam the school as he wanted. Dad had to run the golf game and I had S (who slows J down) :-) So I gave him some tickets and gave him the "lecture". (Under NO circumstances are you to leave this building EVER). :-) He didn't stray too far - needed more tickets. :-)

S and I spent a lot of time in the Cake Walk - her favorite and no, she didn't win. Strange - since she seems to win most everything of chance like that. They both had a ball. J won the paddle ball that he was trying so hard to win and S got several suckers that seem to make her very happy.

On the job front it's been a good week. I had all the quarterlies done last Friday and MIR left Wed for Cancun - his exact words were "if the place burns down, I'll read about it in the news". ;-) So with all my work pretty much done - (always monthly stuff to do)- I'll be having a couple of days of leisure. Even managed to run payroll Thurs - EVERYONE - in about 4 hours!!!

Tomorrow is TKD and a couple of parties. I haven't announced the parties yet - I heard enough tonight before the Halloween Fest - I sometimes wonder if blood is coming out of my ears. :-)

Somedays it's just too overwhelming

Have had a LOT of those days lately. First - I'm NOT going to get to go to the Yuen Seminar that I was so hopped up about. Birthday party - Halloween party and other commitments. :-/ Can I just say how ticked I am!

Had S's Project Choices Mapping. I'm not REAL sure it was that productive. I came out of it kind of depressed. I have to stop myself and the team sometimes and realize just what we have accomplished in a very short amount of time.

Progress on the Autism report - S can now joke back and forth:
"Good night, booger" <-Dad
"If you call me a booger again - I'm not going to school tomorrow." <-S
"Oh really, why not?"
"Cause boogers don't go to school."
I think this is HUGE. Look up anything on Autism - she isn't supposed to *get* that. I think between Daddy and Ms G she has been "taught" how to do this. :-)

J and I had an argument on Sunday about the TV. I said "I'm going to watch pre-game, J - you can go to my room and watch Spongebob"
He comes back out of my room saying it's not on in there and we go back and forth - finally I say "J - I'm not arguing anymore - I'm the Mommy and I'm going to watch pre-game - when you are the Daddy you can watch whatever you want"
"But I won't like it then" <-J Gotta love that boy.

As I walked the kids to school today - I stopped to talk to J and say goodbye and S went on with her friends. As I trailed behind I got a glimpse of how things might be when I'm gone. I liked what I saw. She was in the middle of 3 girls and was holding her own on conversation. I can feel how that weighs on me. I feel it right in my chest. I wonder if other Mom's worry SO much about dieing. Someone told me that God wouldn't do that. I don't know.

We were invited to Big J's birthday party and of course B doesn't want to go. Not real sure why. I've tried to convince him several times but I give up. Even cancelled my Yuen thing. (grrrrr) I figure it's his decision. There's only so much I can do in that setting.

I've got the urchins all on my own this weekend. Happy Birthday to me! :-/ Figure we'll clean up the yard this weekend - promises to be really nice. I'm kind of hoping this holds out through Thanksgiving. I'm really looking forward to a break from the rat race.

There's Always Room for Jello

Everyone got haircuts this weekend. J got his spiked - so now he needs "jello". "Do I look cool with Jello in my hair?" His command of the English language is hysterical.

He had a raging headache again on Saturday night. Not to mention a really weird rash on some of his body. He's just a weird little boy.

Some of you readers already know about my father's addiction to solitaire - for the rest of you I'll fill you in: My father has played solitaire every morning since ... well, for as long as I can remember. He keeps a deck right by his chair in the kitchen and even keeps score on a little notebook that he keeps with the cards. He has gone through many decks in my lifetime. The cards get all curved in from all the use. My point in telling you this??? Well, guess who is playing solitaire every morning? That's right the other J. Just like his name sake he sits at the table and plays hand after hand. My mother taught him how to play when he was staying with them this summer and now that's his thing. It's so cute.

The weather has turned cooler here and not everyone is very happy about it. S wanted to wear shorts this morning. Had to talk her down from her suicidal position. :-) J didn't seem phased by it. He just wears what ever I bring him. Typical man.

Everyone is excited about the approach of Halloween. They've been looking at everyone else's decorations.

No one *gets* it

I just walked the knee biters to school and on the way home I walked with a lady down the street. Her husband has a beautiful old car in his garage that he has restored and B has been down there several times. I've never spoke to her except the usual "good morning" "beautiful day, huh" "hot enough for you" what all good neighbors say.

She asked me about S this morning. She told me that her Johnny was in a home down state - beautiful place. He has CP. She told me about how he make .10 for every can he crushes and that he made about $4.00 one day. She said the people at work look at her weird when she tells them - but she *knew* I would understand.

Her Johnny is almost 40. She is one of the Mom's I owe a debt to. The ones who came before me and demanded things for their children when there was nothing. The Mom's who were REALLY alone!

I cried as I walked home. I'm not sure why. If it was greif for what her and I have lost or touched by a kindred spirit or happiness over celebration over another Mother's joy that the rest of the world will never *get*.

This life is so tough that sometimes emotions come out and you're stumped as to where that even came from. You push so much down and away to just deal with every day life that the bubbles rise to the top and explode sometimes.

Spiders

The boy read a book about spiders to me this morning. On one of the pages it said that some spiders eat other spiders. "Why do they do that? Are they spiders they don't know?"

Like if you eat a stranger that would be more understandable than eating say... a relative. :-) He's too funny. He's reading pretty well and he loves to do it.

S made her thank you cards today so I now need to send them out. She's doing better in school. Not near as many shout outs.

The *gang* is playing school here at night. I'm going to have to re-vamp the evening schedule so we can get some things done at night too. Even though mornings do seem to go well when we read and do some writing. I don't know......

"How do you know THAT song?"

J is constantly almost ticked off when I know songs. He came home with "All Night, All Day" yesterday and when I started to sing along I got the "How do you know that?" SO indignant. :-) I forget that I'm suppose to play the "dumb ol' Mom" who doesn't know anything, anyone or go anywhere. ;-) He loves to watch those shows where you have to fill in the rest of the song after you hear the beginning. Again, I get chastised if I know any. But yet he likes that I know all the words to "American Pie". Which we have sang at*least* 1200 times. :-)

Had S's team meeting Thurs. It went well. We're trying for writing again this year. Her reading is about at 1st grade level - which is right on target for where she was last year. She seems to be settling in to the routine - but I did pick something up from Mrs G that they were ALL on track now - meaning all the teachers were done with their rooms - I think S picked up on ALL that anxiety and that's what was causing the outbursts. I didn't voice my opinions - better to keep that between me and my guru Ron. :-)

So I found a class in Hinsdale at the end of Oct and I'll be signing up. I can't wait. Ron says there's also sessions on Monday nights and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. Ummm - YEAH!!!!! The whole thing interests me SO much.

I've also decided that we'd TRY dairy free with S. That Dr's voice of my Mom's keeps sounding in my head over and over. "Yes, Mrs B - but you don't know what's going on in her *brain*." So Jenny M be damned!

Boy the house is one big piece of CLUTTER! Is there ANY paper in the world that isn't in this house???? That and clothing! Need to do power laundry today and tomorrow. I hate laudry. I've got to get my brain into a better dimension on that one.