The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-----Robert Frost


I was introduced to this poem though song in High School. I loved it - still do - but looking back at it - it has a HUGE message for me right now. I HAVE taken the road less traveled. Even though it might not have been my choice. Little did I know then just how much this poem would resemble my life.

I am not the first traveler for sure. The first were those women whose plight was so misunderstood - they were judged, they were torn away from their children. I can't tell you how my heart goes out to them and the debt I feel to them.

Travel - keep on keepin' on. Perfect analogy for this life. Traveling, never feeling "at home". Seems like every thing that we find that "works" - does so only for a short time.

Today was a bad day again - according to school. I'm getting so frustrated. Some things are really going gangbusters - the conversation, the way she helps herself, but the behavior is just got me stymied.

She was Cinderella tonight at the Halloween (Fall Fest) Party at school. JES does the BEST job at school functions. I'm always amazed how many people show up to help, plan and what a great job they do. J was a Power Ranger. *He* was given the liberty to roam the school as he wanted. Dad had to run the golf game and I had S (who slows J down) :-) So I gave him some tickets and gave him the "lecture". (Under NO circumstances are you to leave this building EVER). :-) He didn't stray too far - needed more tickets. :-)

S and I spent a lot of time in the Cake Walk - her favorite and no, she didn't win. Strange - since she seems to win most everything of chance like that. They both had a ball. J won the paddle ball that he was trying so hard to win and S got several suckers that seem to make her very happy.

On the job front it's been a good week. I had all the quarterlies done last Friday and MIR left Wed for Cancun - his exact words were "if the place burns down, I'll read about it in the news". ;-) So with all my work pretty much done - (always monthly stuff to do)- I'll be having a couple of days of leisure. Even managed to run payroll Thurs - EVERYONE - in about 4 hours!!!

Tomorrow is TKD and a couple of parties. I haven't announced the parties yet - I heard enough tonight before the Halloween Fest - I sometimes wonder if blood is coming out of my ears. :-)

Somedays it's just too overwhelming

Have had a LOT of those days lately. First - I'm NOT going to get to go to the Yuen Seminar that I was so hopped up about. Birthday party - Halloween party and other commitments. :-/ Can I just say how ticked I am!

Had S's Project Choices Mapping. I'm not REAL sure it was that productive. I came out of it kind of depressed. I have to stop myself and the team sometimes and realize just what we have accomplished in a very short amount of time.

Progress on the Autism report - S can now joke back and forth:
"Good night, booger" <-Dad
"If you call me a booger again - I'm not going to school tomorrow." <-S
"Oh really, why not?"
"Cause boogers don't go to school."
I think this is HUGE. Look up anything on Autism - she isn't supposed to *get* that. I think between Daddy and Ms G she has been "taught" how to do this. :-)

J and I had an argument on Sunday about the TV. I said "I'm going to watch pre-game, J - you can go to my room and watch Spongebob"
He comes back out of my room saying it's not on in there and we go back and forth - finally I say "J - I'm not arguing anymore - I'm the Mommy and I'm going to watch pre-game - when you are the Daddy you can watch whatever you want"
"But I won't like it then" <-J Gotta love that boy.

As I walked the kids to school today - I stopped to talk to J and say goodbye and S went on with her friends. As I trailed behind I got a glimpse of how things might be when I'm gone. I liked what I saw. She was in the middle of 3 girls and was holding her own on conversation. I can feel how that weighs on me. I feel it right in my chest. I wonder if other Mom's worry SO much about dieing. Someone told me that God wouldn't do that. I don't know.

We were invited to Big J's birthday party and of course B doesn't want to go. Not real sure why. I've tried to convince him several times but I give up. Even cancelled my Yuen thing. (grrrrr) I figure it's his decision. There's only so much I can do in that setting.

I've got the urchins all on my own this weekend. Happy Birthday to me! :-/ Figure we'll clean up the yard this weekend - promises to be really nice. I'm kind of hoping this holds out through Thanksgiving. I'm really looking forward to a break from the rat race.

There's Always Room for Jello

Everyone got haircuts this weekend. J got his spiked - so now he needs "jello". "Do I look cool with Jello in my hair?" His command of the English language is hysterical.

He had a raging headache again on Saturday night. Not to mention a really weird rash on some of his body. He's just a weird little boy.

Some of you readers already know about my father's addiction to solitaire - for the rest of you I'll fill you in: My father has played solitaire every morning since ... well, for as long as I can remember. He keeps a deck right by his chair in the kitchen and even keeps score on a little notebook that he keeps with the cards. He has gone through many decks in my lifetime. The cards get all curved in from all the use. My point in telling you this??? Well, guess who is playing solitaire every morning? That's right the other J. Just like his name sake he sits at the table and plays hand after hand. My mother taught him how to play when he was staying with them this summer and now that's his thing. It's so cute.

The weather has turned cooler here and not everyone is very happy about it. S wanted to wear shorts this morning. Had to talk her down from her suicidal position. :-) J didn't seem phased by it. He just wears what ever I bring him. Typical man.

Everyone is excited about the approach of Halloween. They've been looking at everyone else's decorations.

No one *gets* it

I just walked the knee biters to school and on the way home I walked with a lady down the street. Her husband has a beautiful old car in his garage that he has restored and B has been down there several times. I've never spoke to her except the usual "good morning" "beautiful day, huh" "hot enough for you" what all good neighbors say.

She asked me about S this morning. She told me that her Johnny was in a home down state - beautiful place. He has CP. She told me about how he make .10 for every can he crushes and that he made about $4.00 one day. She said the people at work look at her weird when she tells them - but she *knew* I would understand.

Her Johnny is almost 40. She is one of the Mom's I owe a debt to. The ones who came before me and demanded things for their children when there was nothing. The Mom's who were REALLY alone!

I cried as I walked home. I'm not sure why. If it was greif for what her and I have lost or touched by a kindred spirit or happiness over celebration over another Mother's joy that the rest of the world will never *get*.

This life is so tough that sometimes emotions come out and you're stumped as to where that even came from. You push so much down and away to just deal with every day life that the bubbles rise to the top and explode sometimes.

Spiders

The boy read a book about spiders to me this morning. On one of the pages it said that some spiders eat other spiders. "Why do they do that? Are they spiders they don't know?"

Like if you eat a stranger that would be more understandable than eating say... a relative. :-) He's too funny. He's reading pretty well and he loves to do it.

S made her thank you cards today so I now need to send them out. She's doing better in school. Not near as many shout outs.

The *gang* is playing school here at night. I'm going to have to re-vamp the evening schedule so we can get some things done at night too. Even though mornings do seem to go well when we read and do some writing. I don't know......