"How do you know THAT song?"

J is constantly almost ticked off when I know songs. He came home with "All Night, All Day" yesterday and when I started to sing along I got the "How do you know that?" SO indignant. :-) I forget that I'm suppose to play the "dumb ol' Mom" who doesn't know anything, anyone or go anywhere. ;-) He loves to watch those shows where you have to fill in the rest of the song after you hear the beginning. Again, I get chastised if I know any. But yet he likes that I know all the words to "American Pie". Which we have sang at*least* 1200 times. :-)

Had S's team meeting Thurs. It went well. We're trying for writing again this year. Her reading is about at 1st grade level - which is right on target for where she was last year. She seems to be settling in to the routine - but I did pick something up from Mrs G that they were ALL on track now - meaning all the teachers were done with their rooms - I think S picked up on ALL that anxiety and that's what was causing the outbursts. I didn't voice my opinions - better to keep that between me and my guru Ron. :-)

So I found a class in Hinsdale at the end of Oct and I'll be signing up. I can't wait. Ron says there's also sessions on Monday nights and wanted to know if I wanted to go with her. Ummm - YEAH!!!!! The whole thing interests me SO much.

I've also decided that we'd TRY dairy free with S. That Dr's voice of my Mom's keeps sounding in my head over and over. "Yes, Mrs B - but you don't know what's going on in her *brain*." So Jenny M be damned!

Boy the house is one big piece of CLUTTER! Is there ANY paper in the world that isn't in this house???? That and clothing! Need to do power laundry today and tomorrow. I hate laudry. I've got to get my brain into a better dimension on that one.

Go back to your toilet, Jenny McCarthy!

Damn this chick annoys me!!! Her child is CURED! Bull shit! And it's so hard for her financially! OMG! She's not only someone who sells herself for money (her "beautiful" naked pictures) but now she sells her child. Ugghhh.

The thing is - if it works for her - fine - but it DOESN'T for all of us. #1 My child was autistic from birth. #2 My child is NEVER sick. Seriously - she RARELY even gets the flu and when she does it NEVER lasts more than a day. #3 This wench (McCarthy) makes autism so trivial. Talk about a bad rep. DAMN! #4 She has no other children and so her attention is NEVER divided! She doesn't have a clue!!!
But what's new - famous people telling the "real" world what we *should* be doing.

I'd like to personally invite her to live "real" life with an autistic person. No nanny, no Jim Carey (or his money) no private school, no entourage, no personal assistants, cooks, you name it. Lets see what she'd have to say THEN. She makes me want to barf!

Dr Yuen? Heck YES I'm in!!!

I went to the seminar about the Yuen method of Chinese Energetics! It was FANTASTIC! I am SO a believer! I actually felt the knot in my stomach when S was upset and I felt a huge core of strength and a warmth all through my body. It makes SO much sense!!!

And the wildest part is that my friend Ron (the meat and potato's person) is the one that introduced me to it! We just had a GREAT time!!!

It's been (another) Hard Days Week

Whew - it's been a loo loo!!!! The good thing - it's GOT to get better. :-)

REALLY looking forward to the Dr Yuen thing tomorrow. I'm hoping to restock my bag of tricks. :-) Ok, sue me for overusing that phrase lately. :-)

J got to "buy" snack today. You would have thought I gave him the world. Now his idea is to "buy" every "T" day (as in Tuesday and Thursday). I vetoed it with "how about every other Friday". I got the usual spaghetti leg whine about how horrible his world is.

Vision and Hearing again today. I will say it again and again and again. Teachers just DON'T make enough!!! I can't tell you how many tests I had to interrupt to get kids. It was chaotic for a while this morning. The small ones are cute, the older ones can be an endless source of information. :-)

It's been SO warm lately. But we've shut off the air and since it gets nice at night I've been leaving it off. Poor animals are passing out from heat during the day. :-)

Tae Kwon (how) Do I LOVE it!!!

Had our first lesson on Saturday. I LOVE it! It's everything J needs!!!! And he loves it too. He cried at first. They don't really explain at first and do the shouting and bowing thing and I think it freaked him out ----- BUT he didn't come running to me AND he sucked it up and continued. I was so proud of him.

Aunt J came in on Friday - we walked down to get S and J and S was beside herself with happiness. Skipping and beaming from ear to ear to see "Joel". Then we went out to eat and they all sang Happy Birthday to her and she just smiled all over herself.

B did his garage sale this weekend. It went very well. Before we left for school J wanted to sell his jacket...............that he had ON! Oh, this boy.

Saturday night we went to Chuckie's place. We had a really nice time, even though the service was horrible! S was VERY pleased.

So the weekend was a lot of fun.

Things are tough

Life has become very difficult lately. The same old thing - 1 step forward - 2 steps back. I feel SO much anxiety when we walk to school - what I'm going to hear from the teachers, S is really having a tough time lately. Home is the same way. More accidents, so much screaming, tantruming. She's getting so much harder as she gets older.

I'm just so angry. So tired. So frustrated. I feel like I'm just "out of it". It seems like my bag of tricks is empty.

On a happier note - we celebrate 10 years tomorrow. She's decided it's Chuck E Cheese this year. I hope that after all the hoopla is over - she can settle down and we can progress this year.

J, on the other hand seems to have found his niche. He's on a white card streak. Everyday, when I pick him up from daycare, he's all happy to announce how he got another white card. At home, we need to buckle down. He's getting away with too much. I'm drained from S and I'm not on top of my game. A critical mistake when dealing with J.

He Tried Lettuce

.... and since he wasn't sure if it was lettuce or celery ........ he put some in his POCKET so he could bring it home and show me!!!!!! Oh, J is a treasure!! :-)

We all sat and watched the parade on Sunday. We figured it was prob the LAST parade that we *could* all sit together. We had a REALLY nice time!

S had a really rough time in church on Sunday (it was FISH Sun) and you have SEEN the STARES!!! I wasn't sure if he was new or not but at one point I even mouthed "can I help you". It was HORRIBLE! He was in front of us and kept turning back so much that the lady in back of him turned too to see what he was looking at. Plus, it wasn't the sermon or anything - I don't know I was just ticked!!!

B&I taught our first class together. We only had two students. I was very surprised that they want to do memory work of bible verses!!! It was THEIR suggestion.

We did Market Day yesterday. Again, a good time. It would help SO much if I could speak Spanish. This has been brought to my attention by SEVERAL instances this last week. Now, to find a class that will fit my schedule and start with the BASICS!

God gives you a kiss in heaven

S started talking about heaven yesterday and as she described who all was there she then said "God gives you a kiss when you get to heaven." I thought that was so cute. Sometimes she's SO "with it".

We watched J's football game yesterday. That was nice. He does very well. He really seems to like it too. It's always so nice to see L&E. B and J went to do his Tiger scout thing with Public Works. I really think they both had a great time.

We had the conspiracy over this week. It's so strange and I really don't understand the "game". They did their "usual thing" and they always have a nice time together. Which I'm so happy to see. We did the White Fence Farm thing - that was really nice. We haven't been there for so long.

I'm really starting to worry about J. He's so out of control sometimes. So disrespectful. The rules really need to be tighter on that boy.

There are SO many in her corner

S has been doing so well in her big girl pants. You wouldn't believe the amount of support we've gotten with her lately. Everyone is so happy for her.

RL and I are going to try and go to a session on Dr Yuen. I'm really kind of excited about it.

I also opened my mouth today and now am helping with vision and hearing screening tomorrow. So much for taking it easy this week. :-p Where was my head????

S's disorder is very prominate this year. 4th grade is such a HUGE step and for her even more so.

I'm Invisable

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and
ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the
phone?"
Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or
sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one
can see
me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you
tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock
to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What
number is
the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes
that s tudied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -
but now
they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's
going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return
of a
friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous
trip, and
she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting
there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard
not to
compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style
dress;
it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair
was
pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell
peanut
butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me
with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a
book
on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd
given it
to me until I read her insc r iption: "To Charlotte , with admiration
for the
greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I
could
pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we
have no
record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a
work they
would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no
credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes
of God
saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are
you
spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by
the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because
Gods ees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was
almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the
sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No
act of
kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've
baked, is
too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great
cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a
disease
that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own
self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I
keep
the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of
the
people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to
work on
something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book
went so
far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
becau s ethere are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend
he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in
the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey
for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd
built a
shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.
And
then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're
gonna
love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will
marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added
to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM