Mother Tillman

How I hurt for this woman. Not only does she loose her son - but all the cover up about it!!! This country is in such a MESS!!! The government is SO corrupt. It's very hard to see any kind of hope or integrity in any of it. I've always said - it's got to be like hell on earth to loose a child - but then not even to have the correct info on how it happened. Wouldn't it be nice to just clean house. Get rid of all those fat old white men who have no problem sending our children to die and for what???? But there would always be more to take their place. I've never felt so embarrassed by our country, so let down, so humiliated. Is there no one out there to fight the good fight? It's obvious they're not listening to us little people. The poles say he's at an all time low of 20% approval - yet he continues in his stupid John Wayne, bully of a lifetime way. It's just all so sad. Will we ever regain what we have lost?

Back to "normal"?

I FINALLY got my little flat baby back. There's some kind of virus in it - I guess - so I'm going to reserve putting anything important (ie: cc info) to the other one. I also learned a HUGE lesson - tech is nice - but NOTHING beats the Amish pencil and paper when it comes to the check book. Being without my ledger for over 6 weeks is NOT fun and very stupid on my part. I've had to "re-start" all of our finances for the LAST time now. You would think I would have learned my lesson. (duh, duh, duh)

VERY VERY rough day for S yesterday! B wants drugs - I don't know, I'm afraid - as are her aides- AND I think there's a behavior modification that would work - we just need to keep trying. Part of the problem is there is no schedule at camp - well, not like school, which is good - it's summer and S DOES need to learn that and learn to relax, BUT in meantime - we all suffer. Part of the problem is the lack of a consistent aide at camp also - or should I say - lack of consistent aide that knows what the heck she's doing. Makes for some HUGE guilt - that is for sure!!!!

Talked to the boss man yesterday about taking the week off for Potty training. We're good. Did I mention what a great job I have? It's like being your own boss without all the stress of all the money stuff and having your butt on the line. I am so very fortunate. Got all my stuff done for vacation - just have to tie up some loose ends of day to day stuff and of course, pay my amigos. :-)

We had all the neighborhood gang over last night. Fed them hot dogs. They were all pleased. :-) They're all getting along much better. I do think we're ALL ready for a break from the Brook.

Stamping tonight. I can't wait. Plus I get my jewelry from K. We always have such a nice time there. I'm anxious to see the new stuff. Have to pick a Christmas card too. It would be nice to pick something and then take a picture of the kids in the "country" and have THAT all done. :-)

Got a letter from Kristine yesterday. Her handwriting is beautiful. She asks a lot of questions and most of them I have already answered - which makes me wonder about the timeliness of letters. Seems ours must have crossed each other. We'll have to send her some pictures of our "vacation" . I wonder if it would be possible to send her a camera and have her send it back. I'll have to ask about that.

Kris and Jennifer were back from last Sunday and said they had taught the kids in Africa the Chicken Dance. I think that's funny. Jimmy then told us all about how *they* call it the Duck Dance. What do you expect from Missourians. :-) So I'll have to ask Kristine if she knows the Chicken Dance. :-)

No Sun today. :-/

Kind of blah today. My lip is MUCH better - but still bugs the crap out of me. We're all anticipating vacation on Friday. The kids went to Kane Co Cougar game yesterday. J caught a ball from the Cougar, himself. He was SO pleased. S didn't think it was all that cool. But she likes to "go".

I swear, next year - I'm going to do more prep for Summer. I need a DEFINITE plan for vacation and gma visits AND I need to have a number for the aide for S. I have a couple of choice words for J at JBSRA. Inclusion is NOT a good thing with that Dept - and I wouldn't mind seeing it go to PD that hires the counselors. I've had MUCH better info from them. As of right now I'm not sure who her aide is. And though she doesn't really REQUIRE one to participate - she DOES need one to take her to the bathroom.

Got a new client yesterday. I kind of like that - learning new stuff - BUT I don't care for setting up all the files. I HATE filing and I really don't know why. It IS instant gratification - there is an END to it. These are two of my requirements on liking something. :-) Like mowing the grass.

Thinking about how to make up a schedule of what we will be doing the week before school. Potty training. ;-) I've talked to S about how you can't wear pull ups to 4th grade. Thought I'd just start laying the seed. Then when we get back from vacation we'll mark the week out on her calendar and talk about wearing our big girl pants that whole week. Maybe we'll plan a trip to the hill for the concert and take a BIG jacket - in case of accidents and then just leave if we have any. That could be a trip out that wouldn't be hard to leave in an instance AND wouldn't inconvenience anyone but us. I want to plan things where she can succeed but also make it easy for her if she doesn't. Didn't we all say "don't sweat potty training - no one ever goes to college in diapers". Well, I beg to differ. :-0 But I figure if we do fail at the WHOLE week - then it's definitely a muscle issue and that *I* cannot fix. But I secretly think a whole week just might do it. But I HAVE to prepare *myself* because I KNOW S and how stubborn she can be. :-)

I'm almost finished with Qtlys at work. THAT feels good. The more payroll we can do for clients the better. That way I don't have to wait for them to get stuff in to start. So I was glad to see we'll be doing payroll for the new client. So I don't think me being gone will be that big a deal for MR. The end of Aug MIGHT have some problems - I'll have to talk to him about it.

Plan, plan, plan. Oh to be a man and just show up or not. :-)

Are my ears bleeding?????

Oh Good Lord!!! I THOUGHT I missed the girl....... 2 hours trapped in a car with her. Breathe - breathe - breathe. There were some tense moments when I told her we wouldn't eat at Mc D's in McClean but would meet Daddy at the Sticker Rest. We got there (after what seemed like days) and I asked B if my ears were bleeding. "They not bleed, Mommy - they just red." Still has her humor! :-)

She had a good time at Gma and Gpa's. Dan's store, Lola's, quilting, Windmill, Quincy, Aunt J's to visit Tiny (Miss Kitty was out chasing mice) and of course feeding squirrels and birds. She's so funny. Told me all about quilting and that she got an owie on her finger from the pins. "gotta be careful with pins." She self talks.

After lunch I took her to camp. They have a carnival today. Ok, I've never been to the carnival. It is COOL!!! The whole thing is roped off and counselors sit at the entrance. Inside is all kinds of jumpy things, slip and slides, dunk the counselor games, dancing, watermelon eating contests, snacks, train and climbing wall. They all run around and do whatever they please. It is a HUGE production. She was SO excited she could hardly get out of the truck without falling. I told B - I want to go to the carnival! J came over - gave her a hug AND a bag of chips. Is he not a cutie or what??? :-) Sometimes that kid surprises me.

I am SO stupid!

OMG!! I did not use sunscreen yesterday and I have a sunburn that is so severe (or I'm a big whimp) that I have slept ALL day today!!!! I feel physically sick to my tummy. I feel like the BIGGEST LOSER on the face of the planet. I mean - I put Sunscreen on J - who is BROWN - but me - no..... who puts sunscreen on a livey livered white person????? STUPID WOMAN!!!!!! God, I feel like a complete idiot.

We went to watch B play softball yesterday - it was supposed to be only 1 game - it turned into 4. Full timers against the part timers. Have you ever seen anyone catch a fly ball in the outfield AND hold a beer? A pitcher smoke AND pitch? It was interesting to say the least. It was a really good time, though. I love the Village People. I met Becky - she is SO nice and I really like her and CR as a couple. He really deserves someone that nice. R was there too - she is such a crack up! LOVE her - also I think she is so pretty. It was fun sitting with the women - why can't tee-ball have nice women like that?

So, anyway - we also had lunch there. Jason fired up the bbq and J meandered over - came back and told me that there were chips over there. I said that we were going to have lunch here and he says "I wish S was here."

"Oh, do you miss S?" <- me

"No, she just loves chips." Is that not cute?? Plus, yes, she does love chips. I've heard from S the last couple of days - the first thing she says is "you pick me up Saturday at McDonalds?" Agenda, agenda with that girl.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy World

Should I be concerned that my mom thinks that if she calls my home phone and I'm not home it will ring my cell? In a way, it's a progressive thought of hers and in a way it's a very misguided "are you in there" thought.

We truckstered down half way south and made "the switch" today. S was SO excited. I was happy to finally have feeling back in my ears. :-) 4 hours of driving is hard on a person - and I get to do it again on Friday - AND then go to work. :-/ Not real sure that's going to happen - so just in case, I'm going in on Monday.

J's not feeling quite right lately. The boy is BURNING hot to the touch and complains of a headache now and again. He's eating pretty good and the other end seems ok - just fit full sleep and the "hots".

Rexie is back - clawless and uterus - less. Her shaved part is hysterical. Cats were definitely made for fur. She keeps licking her paws. We just had the front ones done. I honestly would have left them but she just wasn't learning. EVERY morning she would scratch the chair in our bedroom and EVERY morning I would squirt her with my squirt gun (permanent fixture on my nightstand) and she just didn't stop. SO to save my furniture and her life (not to mention the kids - notice how my concern for them is AFTER the furniture) :-) I think it was a wise decision.

Ok, this is what kills me - they cut me open and take out a human being - I get2 days - they take out her claws - 3 days!!!!! Can you believe it???? There's just something sick and wrong about that.

More craziness - B's father passed tonight. He had cancer. In the end he was having a lot of seizures. I always find it very interesting how death affects different people. Maybe interesting isn't the correct word. I don't know.

We believe that B's father was the same age as mine. 78. Or at least he would have been in Sept. VERY different human beings.

Not sure if B will attend whatever ceremony there will be. We'll have to see what he decides. I'm glad it's not my decision.

Speaking of death. My Dad is going through that whole thing that Grandma did with all of his friends passing. Shorty was the last to go. Him and Dad worked for the County together, went to school together - I think they played ball together too, and finally worked at Adams Tel together. Dad said he was pretty bad in the end. It's so sad that the body has to linger like that.

On a lighter note - I do believe I undid everything in 4 hours of driving that I worked out in Yoga yesterday. Have I told you about Yoga? Loooovvveeee Ittt! I cannot believe how much I SWEAT! I NEVER sweat - even when L and I did the running thing and the lifting thing I didn't sweat near as much as I do in Yoga. It's crazy - but it is fun and I can already see that I'm making progress. I'm able to get further in my poses.

So this was the plan tonight - J was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted - we're not going to church in the morning - we are sleeping in. J and I sat down to watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks tonight and he was out my 8:15. So much for sleeping in. :-) CRAZY.

Very rough week for the girl

Well, S has a new aide at camp. It all started when she reported that Miss P had said that if she wasn't good she wasn't going on the field trip. I immediately slipped into lion position. Then S started saying over and over that she was bad. And on Tues was told that she wasn't swimming or making ice-cream on THURS!!! I LOST it. Made QUITE a voice mail message for Jill and the next morning proceeded to talk to the head counselors. I also cautioned Jill that Miss P should maybe be relieved of working with any children. I just don't get these people. God knows we all loose it occasionally but the threat #1 was an idle threat. That would NEVER happen. And I very casually mentioned that I knew legally that 504 would eat them alive. When B picked them up that night - they practically bent over backwards for him. :-)

I'm really not one to take pleasure in being a bad ass. I USUALLY write good guy letters about this camp. I'm truly in awe of the kids they find to work there - they are the most polite and helpful people I've ever met. And usually S LOVES camp. So, I guess I should have known something was up. And again - it's not so much the camp - but the JBSRA aide. I told Jill she should consider in house training.

S goes to Grandma's tomorrow. That will be a nice break. The boy has been playing SO hard lately and staying up so late. He's grouchy and kind of nasty. Again - I SO love school and the routine. But this is what summer is about and I shouldn't deny it to him.

Mommy guilt is a bitch and I've got a lot of it lately.

Crack Boom Munch Munch Munch

Our 4th was terrific. We went with Mr Chad and Co to watch fireworks and S ate her way through 40 minutes of blasts. :-) Patrick and Allison are in and the kids are having a blast. I've never seen someone SO identical to S. They all get along VERY well. The problem is - between those two and ours - Mr Chas will prob NEVER touch Ms Jen again. :-)

So we're back to camp and work and the regular grind. The kids are playing every night will around 8:30. They're loving their new found freedom.

I'm sleeping SO well, in my new bed. It's SO nice. Need to catch up on laundry again this weekend. (surprise) Plus make plans for the trip down south. So much to do, so little time. What else is new?! :-)

Party Party Party

Had a GREAT jewelry party!!! SO much fun and I learned a LOT. I now know just who should be invited to this stuff. :-) D and J were SO funny. C said she never laughed so much. S was so out of her usual shell and then of course THE advisor - L. We really had a ball.

Sat D,L,J&J came over and then Mr C. THAT was a lot of fun too. I think we may have C&J over next weekend. I finally feel free. Really free.

So, I've decided that the week before school (no camp) J is going to Gma's and S is getting a whole week of potty training. Tomorrow I have to do some planning and make some phone calls about Rexie and Sade.

Oh and we got our new bed - it's SO great!!!! Looooveeee it!!! It was a trip getting it up - not so much the new one but putting the old one downstairs. I was just VERY tired today.

Really having a time lately with what and who to believe lately. I'm really upset with stuff in the news lately - just seems so hopeless sometimes. This administration is SO tainted - but aren't they all?? And then you realize that NO one tells the truth - there is no dependability. It's all an act. I'm personally sick of it. SO fake. And the thing is - that's fine - but then don't pretend about it. uggh. Well, such is life.