She's Really Growing Up!

Sal went to her first Jr High social last night. It was just for the incoming 6th graders. She was a little intimidated at first - she didn't want me to leave - but then she spotted Connie from down the street and globed on to her. She then turned to me and said "Ok, you leave".

Don't ask me why - but as I was walking down the hall I started crying. Lord, I'm a mess. Sal started her school life at the tender age of 3. I put her on a bus knowing she had a 45 minute ride to school - never shed a tear. Kindergarten came and went - still nothing. But at a stupid social I'm bawling like someone has just taken my baby. CRAZY!

So this morning I asked her how it went. I had dropped her off and then went to a Lia Sophia party at my friendly farmer's house. :-) She was in bed by the time I got home. So I asked her how things went and who she hung out with. From what I could get out of her she had a good time and she met a new boy, Ryan, from another school!!!! ;-) So I was happy that she is already making new friends.

Jack got a HIT at baseball last night!!! A double! And guess what - I wasn't watching! I was talking to another Mom! :-/ Ok, unless Bill is with me, I rarely talk to people - not that I'm rude - if they talk - I talk - but I don't seek people out usually like Bill does. But this lady was there from last time and we had talked before and she had her dog with her and I was admiring her dog. So, as I sat back down to watch - I noticed Jack was on 3rd! Did he get a hit? I ask? Another Mom says "yeah, a double"! Holy Cow! Jack has been SO upset lately because he hasn't gotten a hit. So THIS is the secret - I just can't watch! :-)

And for another chapter in the Mabel story: Mabel finds a wasp nest. Up inside of our grill is a very small wasp nest - maybe even bee - I don't know - they don't really bother us but Mabel has found them and puts her nose right in the hole and howls at them. It is funny - as soon as any of them move she pulls her nose out and jumps. It's funny to watch.

I'm planning on going south this weekend to visit my sister and then ride with her to see her hubby - who I hear, is wheeling around in an electric wheel chair. (which is scary - knowing how he drives a vehicle). But I can't decide if I should take Mabel or not. I know she would LOVE to go running in the country again. We'll have to see.

Mabel Mabel Mabel

I swear I have to write a book about Mabel. "Mabel Goes To School" - now you're thinking I'm making that title up - Nope. You're thinking "well, she went over to the school yard and was playing with the kids". Nope. She got IN the grade school (before the kids got there) and was running through the halls. The janitor cornered her and called Animal Control. When I pick Mabel up from Animal Control (and I've done this MANY times) you can tell right away that she's there - there's this one lone howl... ughhh.

Mabel went to a birthday party last weekend. No, she wasn't invited and no, she didn't bring a gift. But she got a piece of pizza anyway.

Mabel visited the neighbor dog this morning (Scooter Pie - I added the pie). Scooter usually likes Mabel - they run back and forth in the back yard with the fence between them - BUT when Mabel squeezed UNDER the fence and was in Scooter Pie's face - well, then he didn't think too much of Mabel. She'll squeeze back under for a piece of bacon.

Mabel jumped over the railing of the deck today. Thought for sure she was going to hang herself - I grabbed the other end of the chain as fast as I could and when I leaned over the railing to see how she was - here she was looking up at me with that "what?" face she does so well.

Mabel likes to take George Monkey off of Sally's bed WHEN she's playing school with him and race to the living room with Sally in the chase SCREAMING at her.

Mabel likes to eat toothpaste and will stretch as high as she can to try and get the tube off the counter or even lick the counter if someone forgets to wipe up drips.

Mabel LOVES coffee and if someone forgets this and absentmindedly leaves their cup on the coffee table it will be gone when you come back.

Mabel loves to lay in the sun and is especially fond of the new deck furniture. She will find the smallest crack of sunlight, drag her cushion over to it and lay all curled up in it.

Mabel likes to wrestle and play "bite girl" with Jack. She plays "pinned" and when you let her up she jumps as high as she can and bites whatever is in the vicinity of her teeth. Usually one of Jack's fingers.

Mabel LOVES to chase birds and is very determined to catch one. She even watches them out the window and then howls till they either fly away or get out of her sight.

Mabel does just enough tricks just enough times to keep Daddy thinking she can stay.

SIGH!!!

Well, it's been a while huh? Life has been just a tad busy. We've seen the end of tax season, Easter holiday with family down "south", said goodbye to Rexie, produced and put together a 5th grade science project, went to the Little League opener (lost), attended Jr High open house - and lastly - but surely the BIGGEST - got through Sal's transition meeting!!!

Meeting was this morning. I was DREADING it! Thank GOD for my team from Salk. Dang, are they good. Mrs Legner asked questions and suggested things before I could even think. It's SO great to have her there. In these meetings I feel very overwhelmed and am usually just reeling with all the information put out and hardly have the sense to ask all the questions I have. Mrs Legner comes in and asks the very same questions I have and puts into my language what's going on. As a team we have decided that Sally will go into a cross cat class next year. She will still be with her "reg" classmates in PE and lunch but will be with children at her curriculum level for Lang Arts and Math. These classes are just like "reg" classes - in that they (the kids) switch every hour and such. So instead of going to biology or algebra class - Sal will go to Lang Arts in what they call a "cross cat" classroom. I really think things are going to go well. It's almost scary. In fact, on the way out of school Bill and I wondered if we had missed something because things went so smoothly.

I can't help but be in tears today. I think it's the combination of being so "up tight" about the meeting today and the fact that my tiny little 5.8 pound baby is now going into Jr High!!

At the open house last night they had a raffle and of course our little wishing wizard, Sally, won a back pack with Humphrey Jr High on it. She was SO proud (and Jack was So jealous).

Rexie the cat has been taken to Animal Control. She was really having a hard time lately with Mabel and took to putting "messes" all over the bathroom downstairs. Bill ran into an Animal Control lady last week and was talking to her about it and she said it would prob be best if Rexie found a new home AND she had just the home in mind. So on Sunday we said "see ya later, Rex." I was never a REAL big fan of Rexie, so I didn't have quite the goodbye of Sadie. :-)

Mabel has really turned a corner. She's getting much better. I think she's realized that she's next on the "pet evacuation" list. :-) I did happen to mention to her that I put down the very best dog in the whole wide world - I wouldn't bat an eye putting her down if she doesn't shape up. :-) (just kidding - don't go all PETA on me) :-)

Baseball began. Jack did well. He was angry that he never got on base. We tried to tell him that it's harder when someone your age is pitching to you. He did his usual Jack grumpus and walked away. Lord, give me strength.


Easter, where to begin. Bill, Jack and I (oh, and Mabel) started out Friday morning to Grandma's where we picked up Sally and proceeded to Aunt Jill's. "The Gang" then joined us that evening - Kennedy, Lincoln, Lex and Mad Dog along with parents - we all ate dinner and then colored eggs.


My Sister, the Egg Nazi, who usually only gets about 3 eggs per child - had 51/2 dozen eggs for us to color. Of course the children allowed them to sit in the dye for about 3 seconds and then proceeded to the next egg. So when they all went outside to play - *I* got to "re-dye" the one's that I wanted. :-)


It was a nice time. The "cousins" all play nicely - well, as nicely as maniac's. :-) They were upstairs, in the basement, outside - just all over being their crazy selves. The volume was such that when they went outside I thought I had gone deaf.


Mabel was in HEAVEN! She ran and ran and ran. Played with Tiny (the St Bernard) and Chunk (the Husky) and just smelled her brains out. She also got to meet her first cow. She stood on one side and the cows on the other and she barked and howled till they ran at her and then she took off and ran straight over and hid behind Tiny. My sister's house provides loads of entertainment without tv. :-)


So on Sunday the whole gang assembled again along with Aunt T and Mike's family and then Grandma and Grandpa. My Sister cooked up a storm as usual. She always side-steps the compliments on her food, saying it's no big deal. Well, it is to ME and granted we're not a picky family - but she really does a nice spread.

When we drove home on Monday, Sally AND Mabel slept!!!! Mabel slept the whole day and the whole night through. I couldn't figure out if she was so tired or depressed to have to be back on a chain again.

Through all this craziness I have managed to "kind of" keep up on the house. We had some major overhauling on Monday. Got a lot accomplished. So now we turn our eyes to Spring. I plan to get out summer clothes next Monday AND take a trip to Humphrey to sit in on a cross cat class. I'm really hoping next year goes as well as this year did. I can't imagine saying goodbye to my team (all of them). Jonas Salk has been a FANTASTIC place for Sal. It's so VERY hard to say good-bye.

There are some CRAZY things to report. The first being that Uncle Mike (my sister's husband) is in the hospital and very well may be paralyzed from the arms down. He fell off a ladder on Wednesday night and was air lifted to the hospital. They operated and removed some discs in his spine and replaced them with a plate. But there is a LOT of bruising on the spine and this is the issue of whether he will walk or not.

My sister is something. I think I would have collapsed by now. When it all was first happening she said she thought about me and all the decisions I had to make about Sally and understood. The only thing is - I don't decide about a "do not resuscitate" issue, or life changing things!!!!

I've asked a dozen times if I should go down and she's said "there's nothing for you to do". Well, I hadn't planned on DOING anything - but just "being there". :-) We decided it best for me to wait till he comes home - when she'll need to be a nurse - and then go down and stay with them just to make sure she doesn't kill him. :-) Like me, she is NOT a nurse. :-)

I wonder if that says more about us than we realize that maybe we see our spouses as so much a part of us and that we don't really nurse or nurture ourselves that we don't for them - almost a self-loathing thing? I don't know - too early for Freud today.

I guess I've never really got bad news on the phone before - I mean out of the blue bad news. All the time she was telling me what happened and what was going on I kept thinking "well, when is she going to say "April Fool" - enough already - this CAN'T be right - she's pulling my leg, right" But she wasn't - it really happened. It's just CRAZY how your life can turn upside down in one instant. People say that about death - but this is almost worse.

In the meantime we had a "mapping meeting" about Sally - in which she got to attend. We (the team from JES and Humphrey) discussed what she needed from us, as parents and them as teachers to have a good year next year, be prepared for HS and to eventually participate in the real world.

Sally was funny. I don't' think she really got it and I wouldn't advise that we include her again - but she did get to see what we do monthly and what "meetings" were like. Every time someone said her name she'd quietly point to herself and say "that's me". :-)

The little sooth sayer told me (after I got off the phone with my sister the first time) that Uncle Mike would be in the hospital for 3 weeks. After all that's happened - it looks like that is just about right. How does she DO that????

Jack has been playing ball and not doing too well at the plate. Mostly it's because of lack of practice. He needs to be pitched to by a kid - not a coach, not a machine - a kid - just like in the game and he needs to do it over and over and over. The pitching at this age is horrible and I don't want him to get into bad habits of taking anything that's thrown at him - but tell the coach that. :-/ Coach also tells them to "smack the ball" - I could just kick him for that. ANY contact with the ball would probably produce a base hit. WHY do we make bad habits just to WIN?? Ugghhh - don't get me started.

Last night Jacob (Sal's friend) and wanted to know if we had seen Tory (another of Sal's friends) - that he was "lost". No, we hadn't seen him. At 3 a.m. the Bbk Police called and asked if we had seen him - he had gotten into a fight with his Mom and was still missing - they were calling all the kids in his class. It was WAY hard to sleep after that!!! Jacob just came by and they had found Tory over at the library - he was waiting for it to open! Thank God he's ok!

Jack plays ball again today - and then I promised him and I could play pitch and catch and practice batting. I love to play pitch and catch.

Some other things that have been happening is that Sal won 2nd place in the Softball Throw in Special Olympics last weekend! She was SO excited! She also placed 4th in the 100 meter run.

My Sister, THE Star

My sister starred in the play "The Kitchen Witches" for the Windmill Follies this year. I got to see the final performance (it runs for 3 weekends). It was REALLY good! It is SO funny and SO my sister. She plays the part of Dolly Biddle and has to do a Ukrainian and a Southern accent. She was very good.

I took Sal down to my Mom and Dad's so she can spend Spring Break with them and then her and I went to the play that night. It is done with dinner. So you eat your salad - watch act 1 eat your roast beef, potatoes and gravy, green beans and roll - see act 2 and then eat your desert and see act 3. It was about 3 1/2 long - Sal sat through the whole thing and really got into it. She laughed when they through flour and salt around the stage and when Debbie called Aunt Jill a turkey she looked back and me and said giggling "Aunt Jill's a turkey." But when Aunt Jill's character has to go to the hospital Sal was a little tense and I had to remind her that it was only a story - that Aunt Jill and Debbie were pretending.

On the way to the car she said "that was fun. Ask me if I had a good time."

"Did you have a good time, Sal?"

"yes. Ask me what my favorite part was."

"What was your favorite part, Sal?"

"The second one."

I think she was talking about when Aunt Jill came out in a Scarlet O'Hara dress and hat complete with fan.

Sally was not too pleased with the gravy. She kind of wrinkled her nose and said "it's not Aunt Jill's." :-)

So I drove home by myself today. Almost 4 hours of radio that *I* wanted and at a volume that suited *me* and NO talking and NO listening. I thought about making a run for the Indiana border. :-)

So we go back to work tomorrow. The house is very different. No Sadie, no Sally. It's like pieces of me are missing. I am glad I listened to Taloola this weekend and did something for me. That play was really good and it felt good to laugh.

It Is Finished

"Godspeed, dear friend - you will be sorely missed." I can't believe my little Sader tader, rotten tomater is gone. Bill and I held her and cried. It was peaceful - she just slept away.

My eyes are huge and swollen. I feel a little like I'm lost in a fog. Sade seemed to know - her eyes were wide when I started to cry. All the way to the end she seemed to care about what my feelings were. That was Sade - she was always so caring. Even as a puppy she was never one to be so "me, me, me" That sounds stupid - but really, Sadie was an old soul from the beginning.

On a lighter note - I was stopped in the school hallway this morning by Mrs B - one of the second grade teachers - "are you Jack's Mom?" I'm never really sure how to answer this question. :-) "I'm teaching Science to his class this semester and I just wanted you to know he's the nicest little boy, he's a real joy to teach."

I said "Um, I'm Jack DAVIDEK'S Mom - there must be two Jacks." :-)

"no, no, there's only one Jack" and she laughed. (boy, ain't that the truth.)

"Well, the boy you describe is a lot different from the boy who gets out of my car every morning" I said "but I'm glad to hear he's behaving himself in school."

She smiled and said "oh, yes, they're all different at school - but Jack is really a helpful child and so good natured."

That was nice to hear. Jack's report card was good too. He brought up his subtraction . His teacher had some nice comments too, about him being such a nice kid with a good heart. But yet the kids here around the house - they pick on him all the time and he comes home in tears. Go figure.

Whine Alert

Ok - I'm whiny. Sal and I attended the meeting for the "Outdoor Learning" field trip that school offers last night. About 5 minutes into it I realized there was really no way for Sal to participate in this. I had planned to go and help her - but there was a LOT of things that would be upsetting to her. 1. Sleeping with others - unless, of course the others don't care to sleep -then she's ok. 2. Being outside in ANY weather - she would NOT be ok about this. I swear she's part cat - any rain and she's inside. 3. No familial items from home. 'Nough said. 4. We still have bathroom issues and she would basically be in a "dorm style" shower situation. So I really think it's best that she not go. The whiny part comes in when I start to look around the room and become jealous.

This kind of thing happened a lot when we were first aware of Sal's limitations - I would sit and look at parents and almost become resentful. That has subsided a LOT - but last night it came raging in. I was angry that I couldn't just sit there - take notes - pack and bag and send my kid on her way. I resigned myself to wait for Jack's turn.

So yesterday was April Fool's day - I served Jack his cereal with a fork in the bowl. When he pulled it out and realized I presented him with a spoon and cried April Fool! :-) He seemed to be pleased. I also packed their snack for daycare with little bags of goodies - BUT I carefully opened them first, took out the stuff that the bag SAID was in there and replaced it with something else and a note that said "April Fool".

When I picked them up I asked how their snack was. Sally said "you trick me". :-) Jack had NO idea what we were talking about - he had thrown his away without even opening it!!!! What a goob! I think we taught him not to do that again - he was a little upset that he wasn't "in" on the joke.

We had Sadie's birthday party last night. She turned 17 yesterday! :-) She got a Happy Meal (she shared her fries) and Taloola had picked up a dog ice-cream baked good from the "Dog Bakery". The kids loved singing happy birthday and having the candle and all. :-) I am NOT looking forward to tomorrow. :-/

Sal and I will be trucking south on Saturday. I'm going to drop Sally off at Grandma and Grandpa's so she can spend Spring Break there and while I'm there I will be able to see my sister in her play. She's the "star" - the director said so on the radio. :-) I think it's called "The Kitchen Witches" or something like that. I'm pretty excited to see her. We saw her in her thing last year - she's really quite good at the acting.

I'm an author!!! That's right - I'm going to be published! :-) Project Choices asked Valley View for a parent to write a letter on their child's "inclusion" experience and guess who they chose. :-) So anyway - after I wrote it I got an email saying how Project Choices wanted to publish it in their brochure and would I sign a form saying they could and also send a picture of Sally. So there you go. I can now put on my tombstone "she was a published author." :-) hee hee

And the last thing I'm going to whine about - Obama - I'm ticked that he's using MY name that *I* gave MY truck for his. "Beast". I KNEW I should have copyrighted it when I started calling my big red truck "Beast". :-)

Baseball and bowling tonight and then try and get enough clean clothes done to fill Sal's suit case to go to Grandma's. I'm looking forward to a break for a week. Of course we'll still have Jack...... sometimes it's a toss up as to who is the hardest.
:-)

It is Done.

I made *the* appointment to put my dear friend, Sadie down. I feel like a weasel. How do you "schedule" death? Damn. My head KNOWS it's right. But my heart just aches. Sadie hasn't been Sadie for a while. She hates being touched because of all the moles/warts on her. She can't see well, she doesn't hear almost at all, she's doing her business in the house and seems to not even know she's doing it.

Even at age 17 she's the BEST dog there EVER was - there EVER will be. We were married only a year before we got her. She was so cute - just 3 months old - she NEVER messed on the floor and only chewed a couple of shoes.

And then there's Mabel. OH Mabel! She is MORE than a handful! She sits in the window and howls because she can't go out. She's almost the opposite of Sade. And that's probably a good thing. I'll need that menace to get through the next weekend.

Bill and Taloola have offered to go but *I* need to be there - I want to be the last person she sees. She's always been there for me - now it's my turn. We told Jack about what was coming and he pleaded that we wait till after April 1 so she "could have one last birthday with us". :-) Gotta love Jack.

A Day ALREADY!

In our house you kind of have to hit the ground running, at least you have to hit the ground dealing with Sally. :-) This morning she flipped on my overhead light (I HATE that) and told me that she was sorry for hitting my car. What????? Well, when it all came out - she had hit my car with the plastic bin of garbage. Ok, so your heart recovers. Then she reported to me that Mabel was gone. Sally had seen her (Mabel) knock the front door open and then escape. Well, what's new. I figured someone would call.

I'm in the kitchen getting coffee and Scooter Pie(I added the pie part) is in his yard just going nutso barking. I figure Rexie is out there and he's trying to figure out how to scale the fence to get at her. But no, Rexie is on the table waiting to be fed. As I walk out to the back deck I see a HUGE possum waddling out from under the shed. I called the kids and we all went out and watched him take his sweet time trudging up the hill and out the side gate. But then he stopped. Guess who comes barreling over him? MABEL! Oh, Lord, love a duck. Just when Scooter Pie had settled down, Mabel comes charging in and makes the Possum retreat to the corner of the yard again. I do believe he either scratched or bit her enough to make her "get it" because I heard a little howl and she (Mabel) took off out of the yard again. We all headed back into the kitchen.

As we're making breakfast there's a knock at the door. I figure it's the delivery guys (my washer/dryer is due today) or someone with Mabel. It's the lady on the other block who tells us that yes, she had Mabel in her back yard and she's on her way to work. So the kids and I jump in the car and go to get Mabel. When we finally find the house there is no gate that I can see for her to come out of. Sooooo I got her to put her paws up the fence, grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and hauled her butt over the fence. Only then do I see the mud that she's COVERED in and now *I'm* covered in it. Oy. But I get her back to the car (where she spreads the mud) and try to contain her to the front seat. We get home, put her out on her chain and return to making breakfast. There's a knock on the door again. The delivery guys are here with the Washer/Dryer.

I went out to the driveway and was signing all the stuff when the guy says to me "We're not too early, are we." And as I was saying "oh no, we're up, don't worry." It dawns on me he had not really *asked* that as more *said* that. As I look down at my jacket - I'm COVERED in mud. So he's thinking - boy - you all need that washer NOW! :-) I had to laugh. He was a really nice guy and the kids got to watch him and the other guy use that thing on TV where you place the strap under the real heavy thing and you can lift it. It's pretty cool, actually.

Jack has been begging to play Clue, since last night and so I had told him that if he was all ready to go I would play before school. So as Sally got her backpack together, Jack and I played Clue. After I dropped them off at school I was thinking. Most people are just *starting* their day. Mine is really just winding down!!!!! So all is well. Mabel is in her house, Sadie is in my closet (her own little "house"), Rex is sleeping on the fireplace, the washer/dryer is in the garage awaiting Bill to hook it up, the kids are safe at school, and I've go the coffee made and files pulled to do payroll today. It's a wonderful life. :-) But a little like the Army "we do more before 9:00 than most people do all day". :-)

Things are Crazy

The house is up for grabs again. You know when everything in your life just seems so out of control and you feel overwhelmed? I call this "when the inmates start to run the asylum". The weekend was a doozy. We had the usual swim lessons and then the usual laundry and clean up (because Mom is working 5 days a week now and the piglets aren't picking up after themselves). Saturday night (after a day of kids running in and out and Mabel and her usual howling craziness when anyone leaves) my washing machine broke. I have a font loader and honestly have never really liked it and I think it took offense to that. After putting in a load (and a rather light load at that) the clothes (namely a towel) somehow got wrapped around the gasket that seals the door and wrapped so tightly over and over that it blew the door open. Not sure what it says about us - but we didn't even notice the noise. ;-)


So the washer sits - mostly full of water (as full as those front loaders get) with the gasket hanging out and a wire sticking out. Bill got up early on Sunday morning and went "shopping" for a stackable set. We have a "sub-basement" meaning that half the wall is underground and that half wall is concrete. So the dryer vent (and all other things) come into the house ABOVE this wall - thus making the vent have to do a hike UP the wall and out - we've always had problems with the vent. So with the stackable it now goes straight out.


One problem - they can't get the thing till Wednesday. ugghh. And of course, it has to be on the week that I have the motherload of all laundry. You know, sheets, blankets, the whole 9 yards. Just puts me SOOOO in a fowl mood. I have to say my kids get their patience or lack of it from me sometimes.


Bill got to really "download" with a couple from his childhood who he helped with a snow blower. I've always thought he needed a "Taloola" :-) It was nice to hear him explain how good it felt to have someone "really" listen about Sally.


Sally - Oh my. I can't believe I really CRIED thinking that child would never speak. One must really be careful what one prays for. If I would have taped her mouth shut this weekend I do believe the top of her head would have blown off. :-) As I was running her bathwater Saturday night I asked Bill "is it wrong to want to drown her?" :-) I know it's because of other stresses that my patience with her is down. Not her fault she has a lot to tell me when I'm consumed about getting crap done. :-)


The thing with Sal is that she's always thinking ahead. It's like being with a nagging blackberry. Always chirping about what's coming up when and what you have to do in the future and it's all I can do to make it through the time being. :-) We did broach the subject of putting Sadie dog down this weekend. Sal seemed fine about it when she was told that Sade would be going to heaven. Sally has a thing about heaven and Jesus and God. It's like she's been there before - like she's got a relationship with them that goes beyond spiritual. Heaven is not abstract to her and neither are the heavenly beings. She's very matter of fact like about it. And it's not anything she's been taught. I'm serious when I say it's like she's been there before and has a working memory of it.


It's all I can do to think about it without crying. I know it's for the best. Sade doesn't really like to be touched except the head and ears anymore, she's loosing control of her bodily functions and she's both blind and deaf. Mabel plays so rough with her and God bless Sade - she gives it back - but you can tell it's getting harder and harder for her to rebound. Plus, I don't think she's eating as much as she used to. She'll be 17 in April. She has been the BEST dog to EVER walk the planet. She's seen Bill and I both through some crazy ass times. We got her the year after we got married and I remember wondering what we ever did before she was around. ;-)

Jack Jack

Well, Jack has been at it again. I have discovered a stash of photo-copied "Crusader Cash". At school they give slips of paper (a little bigger than a dollar) for doing good things. Caught being good is a big thing at school and if you save these "dollars" you can buy things at the office. Some things are pretty cool - like lunch with the principal or a basketball game with the Assist Principal. Some classes have even saved up - putting theirs together to get extra recess time. Anyway - seems Jack has been trying to "re-create" these "dollars". I foresee prison in his future. He'll be counterfeiting 20s. Lord, help me.

Another thing I found out he had a police officer at school. The way I found out was that he told the cashier at the grocery store. So all those times I asked what happened at school and got "nothing" - well, seems *I* didn't count much. He was ALL talky to the cashier! So anyway, I asked if he had told the officer that his cousin Bob was in training to be a cop. "No, I was going to - but I couldn't remember his last name - oh, yeah - it's Dave Davidek, right?"

No, that would be the Bob's brother - Dave (Jack has always thought my brother had two sons named Dave) and his last name would be Beckett. :-) Oh, this boy......

And now the tearful part: Jack reported that they have been learning at school about what to do if a gunman comes in. It breaks my hear that he has to learn this - that the innocence of being safe somewhere is taken away. But I have to admit - Jack seemed to take it in stride. I commend Mrs Sievert for that. I think she handled it very well. Jack seemed to know all about the instructions of what to do - but had no drama or freakiness about it. And get this - he even went so far as to ask about what to do if he was in the bathroom (the boy spends a good part of his life messing around in the bathroom). After he was told that ONLY *IF* there was this problem that he was to lock the stall door and stand on the toilet. He then asked wouldn't the gunman know that if the door was locked that someone was in there even if he couldn't see their shoes. I was impressed that he had *that* much forethought. And then I started crying because my baby is having to think about being hunted. Just what are we doing to our kids????

I caught Sally (ok, so the whole neighborhood could *hear*) singing today and asked her where she heard that song. "From my mouth" was the answer with that look of "duhhh". I really think *I'm* the handicapped one sometimes. :-) Sally is also having a hard time with Mabel and asked if I "would speak to her about biting". :-)

And on THAT note. Sal had social club yesterday. She came home with a bite mark on her hand! The counselors had told Bill when he picked her up that Sal had got bit and really had not provoked it. So, when she got home I asked her about it. Yes, Brandon had done it and yes, he was her friend - but he had done it because he isn't a very nice boy. But he is still her friend. :-)
I guess she didn't even cry. I think she knows that sometimes things like that happen.

And back to Jack: I had one of the spec ed teachers ask me to stop in to school to talk about Jack. Talk about LOADED statement! So I ran through EVERY horrible thing the boy could have done. When I arrived she started telling me about a little boy in his class who has spec needs and is "self stimulating" (if you get my drift) lately. I guess he grabbed Jack's crotch. They put a stop to it immediately and after talking to Jack - he didn't feel it was his crotch but his leg the boy grabbed. Anyway - the teachers and aides made sure the boy knew that he was to keep in his own space and they wanted me to talk to Jack about how no one should be touching him anywhere. So we did. I was kind of proud that Jack didn't make a big deal of it and embarrass the other boy. Again, Jack knows how Sal has "space" issues too and probably was giving the child a break. But it was a good chance to bring up again the fact that it's ok to tell someone not to touch you. So afterwards the teacher saw the look in my face and said "I probably scared you, didn't I?" Yeah, I had the boy in military school already. :-) She seems to think Jack is very smart. I love him dearly - but I don't see smart. :-) Sneaky, conniving, that I see. :-) So it's been a week, let me tell ya.

I can hardly wait to see what's in store for next week. :-)

The Boy

Jack was in trouble last night. He had taken the wii controller to a friend's house after being told not to. He did the whole sneak thing and Sally told on him. :-) In his lecture, Bill tried to explain that what Jack did was actually stealing.

"Like, say you took a banana for instance." said Bill

"I wouldn't - because I don't like bananas." Jack interrupted.

Can you imagine how hard it was not to laugh out loud? :-) I just LOVE when Jack does stuff like that to Bill, because it's usually Bill doing this to me. :-)

We hit the library yesterday to get the book "I May Be Wong, But I Doubt It" by Charles Barkley. Sally has a report due on Thursday for Black History. I'm afraid I'm really having a hard time making "Sir Charles" a historical figure. He's in the news just recently for a DUI. So tell me how I spin *that*. I do hope I get a good grade. :-)

Sal had a ball at the library. She's like me - that whole huge expanse of books is just such a great feeling.

Well, off to work - to a nice quiet office where things stay in their place. "Just like heaven."

Oh, the Fun!

Sally had her last basketball game this weekend (unless her and I go to State). Mrs L and Mrs B attended and Sally just LIT up when she saw them!!!! When and if you talk about public school teachers - come sit by me and let me tell you how WRONG you are!!!





Sal has picked Charles Barkley as her Black History project and though I'm very sure "Sir" Charles is a lovely human being in person - I'm not finding all that much that *I* find historical about him. I mean, he's a lot like most of us - didn't make his HS team and fought back plus fought his weight and stature all his life. But he, himself, said that sports players should not be role models and I have to agree with him.





I found he has spit on people (not that they didn't deserve it ) and I'm not sure THAT's a real piece of history. He only went to college for 3 years. Again - not the best influence for a report. Just recently he rec'd a DUI and has announced that he will run for Governor of Alabama in 2014. Now IF he does become Governor - I do believe he will be the first African American to hold that office in Alabama. But other than than - I'm really not finding the big historical making stuff say like Harriet Tubman, Eli Whitney, Malcolm, heck even Harry Bontifelli. So, I'm not sure what Sal's going to speak on. Maybe we'll have to speak on the fact that we all make history, even in our bad behavior. ????





Jack is having some difficulty in school lately - nothing major - just some sliding grades and I think he's 1. rushing 2. pre-occupied and 3. lazy. So Daddy and I are going to nip that in the bud as best as we can starting tonight. He's not thrilled - but we explained that school is #1 and if he's needing a little help wrestling needs to come AFTER we get some practice done.



Day off today - it started at 5:45 a.m. Ugghhh. Why doesn't Sal get the meaning of "sleeping in?"

Autism and advocacy: are parents always right?
Monday February 16, 2009
Just to get my week going with a bang, I thought I'd blog a bit about a subject that's been under my skin for quite a while. That is - the assumption by so many parents that mom and dad, because they ARE mom and dad, must know exactly what their child with autism needs. Not just in the ordinary way ("when Johnny sounds like that, it means he's hungry"), or even in the "mommy ears" way ("it's too quiet up there") but in a mystical way that's far beyond all ordinary powers of knowing.
Apparently, there are moms and dads out there who magically know that their child with autism needs biomedical intervention X, will only thrive after treatment from therapist Y, or must receive services in a particular setting with specialized equipment provided at great expense through agency Z. Their child receives these treatments or services and - only six months or a year later - develops extraordinary new abilities.
As a mom, I do know when my kids have been stressed too much. I can see a meltdown coming a mile away. And I can make a good guess when a topic or activity will be of special interest. I know what foods my kids like, and when they're too tired to do a good job with school work.
But over and over again, I'm surprised by my kids. And that's a GOOD thing!
I was surprised when I found that my son actually WAS willing and able to pick up a paintbrush and help to paint the set for the local production of Pirates of Penzance. I was amazed when he decided, based on the promise of a prize, to bowl one-handed through three entire games. I was impressed when he had an eye-opening conversation with his speech therapist - and shared things I'd never heard before.
Most importantly, I've been taken unawares by sudden developmental leaps. Suddenly, a boy who had never asked a question is wondering aloud why his sister seems so sad. Or where his toy frog has gone. Or whether we'll see his grandparents soon. Had I been right in the middle of trying a new therapy, I would have assumed that it was the therapy that made all the difference. But lucky for me, I've backed off on the therapies. And so, when Tom makes leaps, I know to whom the credit is due. It's due to... Tom.
Over the years, I've learned that there are many things a parent of a child with autism can and should advocate for. A solid academic education. Appropriate supports in school and in the community. Funding for treatments, education, respite, and adult care.
But when parents assume they're always right, I've found, limits are placed on the child, the therapists, and the possibilities. If only Dr. X can make a difference, Dr. Y never gets a chance to try. If only setting A is right, we'll never know if setting B could have been better. And if no one but mom and dad get to make choices for a child with autism, the child himself never gets to see what he can do on his own.



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HOLY COW!!!! FINALLY A VOICE OF REASON!!!! Are we all listening??? Helllooooo??? All of you who are SO sure you know exactly HOW things should go and are SO certain that ______ (name the institution) is out to get you???????? This kind of logic goes to vaccines being the reason for ALL autistics - also goes out to Jenny M who is SO sure her child is *cured* now due to ________ (fill in whatever the newest thing coming down the pipe).



I've found there are TONS of variables - her mood, her development, the chemistry between her and whoever, (and sometimes SHE likes them and *I* don't and vice versa) , the time of day, week, year - you name it. I've resigned myself to the feeling that "the teacher comes when the student is ready" and to look at things with love, grace and common sense. I've also learned that it's OK to be #2 (or 3 or 4 or whatever) And the newest thing I'm trying very hard to teach Sal is it's OK - in fact preferable NOT to be perfect. To "go with the flow". That if someone makes a comment - that it's ok to not listen (that is - as long as they are not your teacher, aide, or parent) :-)



No, parents DON'T know everything - in fact, I've found that I know very little sometimes. One thing I have realized is that I DO know SOME "habits" of hers. And this fascinates Sal. I know when she has to use the bathroom and she always asks (as she's sitting on the potty) "How you know?" But aside from that - I know VERY little. Her and I are connected and there's times I get a little "tingle feeling" and find out later that something happened. I SO wish I could know what goes on in her head. Like for instance - why was she a monster yesterday at school? What made her not want to comply. Was it a specific thing? Or was it an independence thing?

Where's the owner's manual?

It's been a while

In my defense, I have neglected my blog duties because the Oct 97 list has been migrating to facebook. So blame them. I've caught up with the girls who have been missing in action. Like, Laura - who I had no idea has chickens - real live chickens. :-)



Plus, for as good as Sal was as a baby - slept MOST of the time. Well, not so much anymore. She's really coming into the "talk back" "I know it all" "big fat boss" kind of kid. She's always demanding something, or talking back, or correcting or just in general being a regular pain in the arse. And then there's Jack. Who has ALWAYS been a pain. Thank God he's cute and at intervals really makes your heart melt because otherwise you'd kill the boy.



So life has been "sticky" for a while. There has been some good stuff. Sally met for #2 track practice yesterday and we were told she's VERY good at softball through and 50 meter. *I* thought she'd be good at running. Even though she's a chub she really has a nice, smooth, stride. Definitely NOT like her Mom. :-)



I've also noticed some things.: Dealing with Special Needs children - I REALLY hate to say it - but Jenny McCarthy is right about men detaching and woman over indulging. Ok, I admit she was right about one TINY thing - but otherwise - she's an idiot. :-)



Bill is running for School Board. He has some really great ideas and I realized last night that this is *his* way of *helping* Sally. Men help in ways that kind of take them away from the "dirty work". And that's not a bad thing - just different. Me - well, I don't even think of things that *I* want to do - oh, sure - there's the thought of an hour quiet time with NOTHING to do - no children no hub no laundry - that kind of thought - but as far as career or future goals - well, just getting her independent, surviving long enough to make sure she's ok and then trying to prepare her for me to be gone. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

The house is still crazy - Mabel is still alive, for the time being. She has taken to chewing shoes - and the thing that really corks me is that she gets them OUT of my shoe rack!!!! I've always let her slide on chewing things because - well, we don't pick things up well enough and she finds a LOT of things lying around. BUT - today she took the cake. I have a pair of old blue shoes that I haven't gotten around to throwing out yet - they are laying on the floor in the dining room. She took the brand NEW shoes (bought yesterday) out of my shoe rack and chewed them. I tried to explain to her that ruining shoes is the surest way for me to take her to Uncle Tim's farm and SOON! (Uncle Tim owns a gun) :-)

We refinanced today. When we got to closing we were informed that the bank that bought our mortgage stopped taking notes today. We're praying we disperse. Mr Dan didn't seem to be too worried - so we won't either. :-)

We have our last basketball game on Saturday. Sal's looking forward to it. I'm in the process of looking into getting Gma and Gpa to see a game at state. The only thing is that means ALL of us in a motel room. You know how Sal doesn't do quiet on command - I've slept with her when she was sick and it gets very much like a Bugs Bunny cartoon : "I be quiet" " I no talk" " I be quiet for you?" over and over and over. Till, just like Yosemite Sam you want to yell: "Shut up, shuttin up"!!!! So, we shall see how that goes.

We found out some friends have been laid off today. Makes my stomach hurt to hear of people in such dire straights. And the worst thing is there is so little hope. Bill and I are truly lucky to not loose our jobs.

Just a Little FYI

Parents of children with autism quickly become authorities on the subject. But what about in-laws, teachers, coaches, and cousins? Few people outside the immediate family really want to read 20 closely-written pages from the National Institutes of Health. This brief, pithy article provides the bare bones basics for a quick read - along with links to more in-depth information for those who want to know.

1. Autism Is a 'Spectrum' DisorderPeople with autism can be a little autistic or very autistic. Thus, it is possible to be bright, verbal, and autistic as well as mentally retarded, non-verbal and autistic. A disorder that includes such a broad range of symptoms is often called a spectrum disorder; hence the term "autism spectrum disorder." The most significant shared symptom is difficulty with social communication (eye contact, conversation, taking another's perspective, etc.).

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2. Asperger Syndrome is a High Functioning Form of AutismAsperger Syndrome (AS) is considered to be a part of the autism spectrum. The only significant difference between AS and High Functioning Autism is that people with AS usually develop speech right on time while people with autism usually have speech delays. People with AS are generally very bright and verbal, but have significant social deficits (which is why AS has earned the nickname "Geek Syndrome").

3. People With Autism Are Different from One AnotherIf you've seen Rainman or a TV show about autism, you may think you know what autism "looks like." In fact, though, when you've met one person with with autism you've met ONE person with autism. Some people with autism are chatty; others are silent. Many have sensory issues, gastrointestinal problems, sleep difficulties and other medical problems. Others may have social-communication delays - and that's it.

4. There Are Dozens of Treatments for Autism - But No 'Cure'So far as medical science is aware, there is at present no cure for autism. That's not to say that people with autism don't improve, because many improve radically. But even when people with autism increase their skills, they are still autistic, which means they think and perceive differently from most people. Children with autism may receive many types of treatments. Treatments may be biomedical, sensory, behavioral, developmental or even arts-based. Depending upon the child, certain treatments will be more successful than others.

5. There Are Many Theories on the Cause of Autism, But No ConsensusYou may have seen or heard news stories about possible causes of autism. Theories range from mercury in infant vaccines to genetics to the age of the parents to almost everything else. At present, most researchers think autism is caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors - and it's quite possible that different people's symptoms have different causes.

6. People Don't Grow Out of Autism Autism is a lifelong diagnosis. For some people, often (but not always) those who receive intensive early intervention, symptoms may decrease radically. People with autism can also learn coping skills to help them manage their difficulties and even build on their unique strengths. But a person with autism will probably be autistic throughout their lives.

7. Families Coping with Autism Need Help and SupportEven "high functioning" autism is challenging for parents. "Low functioning" autism can be overwhelming to the entire family. Families may be under a great deal of stress, and they need all the non-judgemental help they can get from friends, extended family, and service providers. Respite care (someone else taking care of the person with autism while other family members take a break) can be a marriage and/or family-saver!

8. There's No 'Best School' for a Child with AutismYou may have heard of a wonderful "autism school," or read of a child doing amazingly well in a particular type of classroom setting. While any given setting may be perfect for any given child, every child with autism has unique needs. Even in an ideal world, "including" a child with autism in a typical class may not be the best choice. Decisions about autistic education are generally made by a team made up of parents, teachers, administrators and therapists who know the child well.

9. There Are Many Unfounded Myths About AutismThe media is full of stories about autism, and many of those stories are less than accurate. For example, you may have heard that people with autism are cold and unfeeling, or that people with autism never marry or hold productive jobs. Since every person with autism is different, however, such "always" and "never" statements simply don't hold water. To understand a person with autism, it's a good idea to spend some time getting to know him or her - personally!

10. Autistic People Have Many Strengths and AbilitiesIt may seem that autism is a wholly negative diagnosis. But almost everyone on the autism spectrum has a great to deal to offer the world. People with autism are among the most forthright, non-judgemental, passionate people you'll ever meet. They are also ideal candidates for many types of careers.

Special Olympics weekend

Sal was better on Friday night and begged to go to basketball on Saturday. We got up at insane o'clock and got to Oak Lawn by 7:30 a.m. As they started to warm up Sal started crying. The coaches weren't there and a parent had taken over at the basket and had evidently said something to Sal. Ohhhhh - we WILL have words about *that*. So when the coaches walked in Sal was ALL smiles. We lost the first game by one point. God, they played well! The other team had absolutely no visible handicaps - nothing like our team - but we stayed within 2 points of them the whole game!



The second game wasn't as close and it was a team we had beaten before. I think we were all tired and just not into playing. Our guys are so much more physically handicapped then a lot of teams - but they did well, really well.



Our last game was at 11:30 and then we headed home. Because there aren't enough teams from this area - our team has been invited to the Special Olympics in Bloomington in March. Bill and I are both vacillating on if we want to go or not.



Saturday night Bill and Sal went out to a daddy/daughter dance. We had to talk pretty hard to get Sal into a nice pair of slacks and shirt and then I put her necklace on that she got from Susie in remembrance of "her" Sally. But she looked SO nice. She even let me curl her hair. Bill said they had a really nice time and Sally danced with him and had a great time. Plus her buddy Liv was there with Uncle Eric. So she had a really fun evening.

Jack - not so much. Man, he's a booger sometimes. I realize now we should have planned something for me and him to do - like a movie or something. But that boy sure can suck the fun right out of life. He'll be lucky to live till his next birthday, the way he's going lately.

Autism comes RAGING in!

I forget. No, I don't forget - how could I forget - but I seem to go on auto-pilot and take too much stuff at face value. After some investigation last night I have a new understanding of Sal's toilet habits. The new info is what STARTS the problem - and that is neurologically, her muscles have problems with elimination - which in turn makes a painful experience in the bathroom which THEN starts the whole cycle. Dr never talked about the BRAIN part. Soooooooooo, taking her off the meds when "things" were working was BAD. So we have a pretty big problem to fix. At least I know once we get this last episode over with we need to ALWAYS give the meds. It's not a question of not wanting to go with her - at first - it's the brain. And I guess the thing that ticks me off is that I should have realized this before. Sal is the most ALL-AROUND eater I know. She loves vegetables, she doesn't eat THAT much junk, really - not like the boy -It always puzzled me why this kept happening to her. So NOW I have the answer. That going back in time stuff would be WONDERFUL, huh? ;-)

So little Miss Sal is home with Daddy again. Talking to Gma and Gpa this morning Gpa told me that he was going to call DCFS because he had heard that I was "always ruining lives" ;-) That Jack provides more entertainment for my family. They had had heard from Jackie who really enjoyed the basketball game. (Sal's)

Sal plays tomorrow in a tourney at "insane o'clock" and I'm hoping she can participate in it. It's the starting of the Spec Olympics and the team who does well here then moves up and I'd like her to be part of that. Plus, when one is missing the others are anxious about it - even if that one doesn't do anything but "screen". :-) Not to mention that the physical activity will help our whole problem also.

One thing that was recommended to me by one of my Autism moms was to start the day with something warm with the meds. It seems to "wake up" the bowels. The only thing is - Sal doesn't care for warm things. Maybe it's time for us to have a "tea party" in the morning. :-)
I think even Jack would go for that - as long as it include waffles. That seems to be his staple food lately.

Jack Jack is doing well not being in the spotlight since Sal's sick. I got to see him in action on Tuesday - it was Muffins for Moms at school and after consuming our obligatory muffin the kids escorted us to their rooms. Jack immediately took up with M (who is similar to Sal) and I got to see how well he treats M. I was SO proud of him and very touched. Mrs G confided that Jack is the ring leader of the room and makes sure the M is seen to. We've had several kids who have helped Sal along the way: Q, B, and now D and it's so nice to see Jack respond in kind. I know much those kids mean to me that help Sal and I think M's mom feels that way about Jack. She knew him by name and chatted with him and M before she left. So when the boy lands in jail for doing some ridiculous thing I need to remind myself of the time that he was an asset to the community. :-)

No School For Her

Oh, Sal was upset this morning. She seems to be "bound up" and just "not right" since last night and I decided that since Dad was home with pulled muscle that she should stay too. She was a *little* upset but soon was over it and that reinforced my opinion that she's just not well. If she was, she would have fought me tooth and nail.

So I left her in Daddy's care this morning, which she wasn't *too* sure about and gave me that "I'll try and be brave look" that she's so good at and Jack told me,"Mom, she doesn't want you to leave." He seems to have a *little* intuition also - but he, as most men totally ignores it usually. ;-)

Bill went to his "lotto" meeting last night and rec'd #5 (out of 10) on the ballot. He obviously didn't talk to Sal the wishing wizard beforehand. :-) His head was spinning when he got home about all the new info he had rec'd.

Sometimes I have to laugh

Last night as Jack was in the tub - Mabel overturned the dirty clothes hamper. As I set it back up I said weakly "Mabel, Mabel, Mabel"

Jack says "I know, you hate her don't you?"

"No honey, I don't hate her, she just drives me crazy sometimes, I always have to make sure she's not doing something naughty."

"Yeah, she's just like Sally."

I went into the bathroom to see him eye to eye when he explained how Mabel was like Sally because really Mabel is a four footed Jack.

Sitting in the tub, facing me he raised his hands and shrugged his shoulders and said "You know, she's just like *Autistic*."